Context for my upcoming release.
It is my opinion that Alan Hazelden is a spineless coward who chose civility over his responsibility to protect vulnerable minorities in his employ. He has chosen the feelings of his workers who cannot stand to be on the same credits as someone marked with a kiwifarms thread and a few bitter callout posts from jilted TME ex-friends over the safety and dignity of someone who delivered under-time and under-budget for a video-game with a development cycle of under a month. He has suppressed my completed and paid-for work and severed me from his community where I'd begun to feel at home. He has already been spoken to, attempts were made to reason with him by others in his circle, including other developers who had hired me and know the entire story with me, warts and all, and nothing has changed.
It is clear that he cannot handle the pressure of having a marked transfem be associated with him, but he also, embarrassingly, cannot handle the pressure of deleting my work, forcing me to upload my own score separately and tell the story honestly. He has attempted to placate me, told me he wanted to find a satisfactory solution for both of us, which of course can't include reversing his decision and also conveniently involves me disguising my role in his project further for the sake of his SEO. There's two ways I can take this, either he knows what he has done is indefensible and is offering to move heaven and earth to keep me contented without taking on any risk to himself whatsoever, or he is only acting this way because he knows I pose a credible threat to him and would simply cast off any other marked transfem with no such care. Both of these possibilities are disgusting and enraging to me.
I cannot in good conscience recommend that any transfem work for him, or any minority with a baseline expectation of artificially expanded criminal records for that matter, and I'd urge anyone working for him who fits that description to exercise caution. I was warned before starting work with him by someone in his community who told me he had previously kicked another transfem member from his developer discord server without trial after receiving similar pressure, and I ignored them, assuming that providing something of value to him would save me. Unfortunately, he has shown himself to be someone in a position of power who will simply fall for the first trick in the transmisogynist handbook if given the opportunity. To save the feelings of his employees, he will discard you and delete your contributions with impunity, while saying to your face that he understands how you feel.
My soundtrack for "The Electrifying Incident" will release shortly. Please do not harass the composer that has replaced me, I greatly respect her work and resent Alan even moreso for putting her in this position. I must offer no more calls to action. I have had nowhere to express my frustration, my crushing anger and disappointment, the pain of my sudden and all encompassing rejection. This statement is a result of the endless wound re-opening that I experienced in my attempts to be understood and valued & to save the bridge over the past month. I have been talked down to repeatedly and every attempt I've made to converse and understand the rationale of what is being done to me has left me in tears again. I am tired, and I don't give a shit anymore. I am not replaceable. I am not tainted by my sexual trauma and my disability. I deserve better.
This is the most fear I've felt releasing something in a long while, an especially outsized reaction for a silly fifteen minutes of sci-fi beats, but I truly don't have faith that my story will come off as sympathetic to my broader audience. I don't really feel like I have any choice, though. Alan seemed interested in letting this go with minimal public statements in the hopes the controversy surrounding me wouldn't get worse, but then I would be relying on the good will of someone who has shown himself to hold no value in my work or my feelings, as he perpetually attempts to do the impossible and net me the benefits of having worked for him without letting me work for him sometime before he gives up on me like he has already proven himself capable of. I do not want to hide my work, because in spite of everything, I'm still proud of it. I don't want to disguise it or repurpose it, because I haven't yet been able to prove myself as a competent draftsman and my work ethic is shown in my ability to make music that depends on its source as much as its source depends upon it.
Well, whatever happens, here's The Electrifying Incident (Patricia's Version).
Also on youtube, please leave some positive comments if you have something nice to say or any comforts to give, i am extremely tired
