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Sr. Vanguard Connors

@srvanguardconnors

In my 30s, sapphic pan, DID transfemme enby system, she/they; Destiny, TOH, DC/Marvel comics, Star Trek, Mass Effect, Babylon 5, Horizon ZD/FW, Star Wars, ATLA, Uncharted, politics, baseball, creative writing, and video game nerd...

fuck you. I'm not saying tgirl anymore. girl is trans by default. I will now specify when I'm talking about a cis woman

Welcome to the club. We need your mailing address for your welcome package.

Trans girls will do anything except go to bed at a reasonable hour.

We’ll lie in bed staring at the ceiling, scrolling through old messages, overanalyzing every compliment we’ve ever received like they’re sacred texts. We’ll sit in front of the mirror at 2 AM, whispering sweet affirmations to our reflection, testing out new names under our breath just to see how they feel.

We’ll get lost in the glow of our screens, reading sapphic love stories, fantasizing about a world where we don’t have to explain ourselves—where a girl calls us hers without hesitation, without doubt. We’ll try on that one perfect outfit in the dead of night, twirling in the dim light of our room, feeling beautiful in a way we never let ourselves during the day.

We’ll stay up because sleep means letting go, and we’re not ready for that. Not when there’s still so much of ourselves to discover, to claim. Not when the night feels like the only time we can be unapologetically us.

Or maybe, just maybe, we’re staying up because we know she’s awake too. Somewhere out there, another restless trans girl is doing the same thing—scrolling, dreaming, waiting. And if we reach out, if we’re bold enough to send that late-night message, maybe we’ll both have a reason to sleep a little easier.

But not yet. Not tonight. There’s still too much to want, too much to feel.

And besides, who needs sleep when we could be whispering our deepest desires into the quiet of the night, where no one but the stars can hear?

I’m only going to bed at a reasonable hour tonight cause I didn’t sleep so badly last night I ended up getting an early bedtime tonight.

I just want to be held, to snuggle up to somone im allowed to love, to sleep in, in the safety of someones arms... is that really too much to ask?

Honestly… not gonna lie, dream scenario

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