what do you mean you havent found a job? have you crawled on your knees and prostrated yourself before them? have you hung from the branches of the world tree for eight days and eight nights? have you climbed atop the roodwood cross and begged for them to impale you until your red blood overflow'd their cups? dude. you completely forgot to mention their cups. you HAVE to mention their cups

🌺

'I would court you with all the grace and courtesy that you deserve'

i found a baby picture of my cat please please look at him i'm begging you

same pose same beautiful little man 12 yrs later

i think this is actually my favorite post i've ever made in my 10+ yrs on this website because sometimes i'll be in a bad mood and then i'll open my notifications and someone will be saying smth nice about my boy. and then all is still not right in the world but it's at least a little better than before :)

Unironically love logging onto Tumblr dot com to see a beloved mutual has discovered a new batch of sad old men to sink their teeth into and shake vigorously like a dog that caught a squirrel and following the dash backwards to the post that made them pick up the scent. Truly unparalleled social media experience.

never forget the universal rule of the order of things: People Will Not Read It

signs at stores? émail? menu ?? instruction ? post online ? caption with andswer to question ? group hand outs ??? street sign ??? no. The Written Word Is The Enemy

#The number of compliments i have gotten for reading a thing

The ability to occasionally Read A Thing will make you a hero in your workplace, especially if it is for example an error message that tells you what you need to do differently, or instructions on unjamming a printer.

how dare you say we put jam in the printer

Making friends at the yarn show 🐑🐈

I’ve now had multiple people tell me they ship these characters…fibre crafts yuri 🌈🧶

My one friend group can't stop saying, "See you in hell!" in a cheerful voice instead of, "Talk to you later!" and my other friend group can't stop calling things "penis" instead of "cool" or "good", so I just unironically uttered the phrase, "Sounds penis, see you in hell," as I got off the phone.

I think everyone should be doing this btw. Maybe, "Sounds penis, see you in hell," could be our, "Always."

I tried to quote this post to my housemate the other day but botched it so said "nice cock, kill yourself" and now it's turned into a call and response so instead of saying goodbye one of us says nice cock and the other tells you to kill yourself

people are always like "Oh a vampire wouldn't get horny while drinking someone's blood, that's like getting horny while eating a sandwich" and like man have you never had a really good fucking sandwich?

The sandwich i had for lunch didnt moan and scream and squirm against my body and then become limp and pliable when i was done now did it

(Via @morganpdf )

✴️Fish dreams✴️

Okay I know I posted the first one already but it's a collection now. Anyway don't you ever get so tired of this

hey everyone its april fools. but dont worry i dont have anything planned. just going to sit here and...

I LIED !!!! GET PRANKED

POST BELOW ME GET FUCKING WET

Hey guys! Check out this block of pure sodium that I got!

*Scrolls past*

*reluctant sigh*

*scrolls back up*

*rebogs*

I felt like doodling and then I went nuts with tiny lines.

I fucking love visibly queer people and being visibly queer. I tell the bank teller (he/they name tag)(long hair)(waistcoat) that I like his earrings. They tell me (dyke hair)(flannel) that they like the pattern on my glasses (rainbow) (we're here we're here we're here I see you I see you I see you)

contrary to popular belief not everyone has an innate sense of internal gender or care to have one or seek a name for it, some people go their whole lives without questioning their occupation in one of two gender roles, but for some people, if pressed, they don’t feel that internal sense of ‘i am a woman’ or ‘i am a man’, and in that case i feel the switch over to transgender vs cisgender relies on active identification of a gender other than the one they were assigned. if someone’s like ‘idk dude I just work here’ then that’s valid

#i would describe my gender as not exactly ‘idk dude i just work here’ #more like…..when someone assumes you work somewhere that you don’t #but you know how to help them so you do it anyway #my gender is wearing a red shirt at a target

These are the best tags

A portion of people in the notes are like ‘but that makes you trans. That’s called being agender’ and another portion of people are going ‘this is how the majority of cis ppl feel and it’s NOT agender’ and personally I feel like both of them are missing the point here. Yes a lot of people identify as agender because of this feeling. Yes a lot of people with this same feeling still identify as cis. These are not mutually exclusive experiences and it doesn’t mean the agender people are secretly cis or the cis people are secretly agender. It just means they have very similar experiences of gender that they choose to conceptualize and label differently, and neither of them are mistaken or wrong to do so.