it is so much easier to be a trans man than it is to be a trans woman. yes there is nuance, yes each individual experience is different, yes privilege and intersectionality come into play and yes those things directly affect the ease of someone's transition. but overall, the generalized experience of being a trans man is much easier than being a trans woman.
I know that a lot of trans men are scared of being hate crimed and beaten for being trans and while this is a valid fear and also an experience that many trans men have, it can also be a wildly disproportionate anxiety. a huge advantage to being a trans man is that when I go out in public, if I act apathetic and am vaguely confident in the space I take up, and my masculinity likely won't get questioned despite me having curves and tits and long hair. I can go swimming with a binder and a shirt and I might get some looks, but I'll mostly still be safe. it is reasonably easy for trans men to hide the parts of their body that don't fit the general public's idea of a male body.
trans women don't have it this easy. there is no equivalent to "just be emotionless and confident" for them, instead there are thousands upon thousands of idiosyncrasies that they have to conform to and most of those directly contradict one another. hate crimes against trans women, especially trans women of color, are exponentially higher than any other group. and without surgery there is no real way for a trans woman to hide the parts of herself that the general public deems masculine, and therefore (consciously or not), a threat.
the surgeries I want will cost me $10k-$20k out of pocket if I get lucky, and if I don't it might cost upwards of $30k-$50k for both top and bottom surgery. and by "getting lucky" I mean being able to pass off top surgery as a medical necessity to my insurance company. and even if that doesn't happen, the most expensive ftm top surgery I have heard of has been $20k.
the surgeries my girlfriend wants will cost her no less than $80k, and honestly it will likely be upwards of $100k. and there is an incredibly fucking slim chance that insurance will cover any of it, because feminization surgeries are all deemed cosmetic, and most insurances don't cover those. and there's so many surgeries, facial reconstruction on top of top surgery and bottom surgery.
so while I know there is room for nuance and every experience is different, it doesn't sit right with me for trans men to be complaining to trans women that we're just as oppressed as they are and we have it just as bad if not worse when that clearly isn't true. and it especially doesn't sit right to see so many trans men telling trans women to shut up about these issues or just brushing off trans women and painting them as being overly dramatic and complaining. and I've been seeing it so much more often lately, and maybe that's just because I've been posting like this recently, I don't know. but it seems like trans men have been getting really comfortable in misogyny lately, and it might be time to reassess your viewpoints if you feel offended by or get angry about this post.
