googledocs you are getting awfully uppity for something that can’t differentiate between “its” and “it’s” correctly

oho and now you’re questioning my adverb usage? you? you?

you fucking dare?

you try to change ‘tears’ to ‘years’ for no reason but don’t catch ‘imporint’???

hey quick question gdocs

what the fuck

1. how the fuck did this post become so popular

2. everyone just commenting ‘QUERCHED’ is delightful

3. some people have suggested i use grammarly. this is letting the robots win and also would deprive me of the opportunity to complain about insignificant technical things instead of just wanting to scream over writing all the time

4. i use googledocs because i want access to my writing on multiple platforms and also because fuck microsoft 

5. the difference between [its] and [it’s] is that [it’s] is always used as a shortened form of [it is] and [its] is used as the possessive of [it]. yes, this goes against the usual practice of just tacking on an [‘s] when you want to indicate ownership. yes, english is absolutely a trash language.

btw, gdoc’s most recent transgression:

noooope

LITERALLY THE EXACT OPPOSITE MEANING OF WHAT I WANT, GDOCS

i’m sorry what kind of AI FUCKERY is going on here that you are trying to ADD IN ADVERBS FOR ME that could ENTIRELY CHANGE THE TONE from a neutral ‘He’d been young’ to something that would put emphasis on just how young he was and how long ago it was you cannot just THROW EXTRA WORDS IN LIKE THAT

‘he’d been so young’ I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU

OH MY FUCKING GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS

me @ everyone else using googledocs:

YOU

I just listened to a podcast with an A.I. research scientist. She said if you wouldn’t trust autocorrect to be in charge of a decision, then you shouldn’t trust another A.I. with it, so… that’s something to worry about

Grammarly is not better.

querched

If you were thinking learning to proofread wasn’t actually helpful…

This is funny but also as someone who has dyslexia and relies heavily on spell check to communicate legibly this is honestly horrifying.

#had ‘performances’ autocorrected to ‘romanceances’ today#for reasons unknown

ROMANCEANCES

odin is like “when thor was born the sun shone bright upon his beautiful face. i found loki on the sidewalk outside a taco bell”

Oðinn spake:

Bright the sun shone | at the time of Þor’s birth, And bathed his count'nance fair. Loki, wolf-father, | the trickster, the liar, I found on the cold pavement While returning in glory | from a grand hunt For a 3 AM quesadilla.

@damn-fuck-i-burnt-myself-again

I need this framed on my wall it’s so beautiful. 

@theshitpostcalligrapher

ay @systlin hmu

@systlin

My husband complained that this was more Shakespeare than Eddas, and I challenged him to do better.

Solen sken, skönt gyllene

Dagen Tor föddes

På trottoaren, vid Taco Bell

Där låg Loke

—KJN

My translation:

The sun shone, sweet golden

The day of Tor’s birth

On the tarmac, by Taco Bell

There lay Loki

(For poetry reasons, Thor needs the Swedish spelling.)

@bold-sartorial-statement

ay yo show ur husband 

@bold-sartorial-statement no but hang on this should be in runes: 

(oops spot the typos)

i wanna translate this into icelandic so imma do it 

Sólin skein, björt og gullin við fæðingu Þórs á stígnum við Taco Bell Þar lá Loki

The amount of quality going into these shitposts is amazing

This is not shitposting, this is transformative work!

And in Danish because why not:

Solen skinnede, skøn og gylden

På dagen for Tors fødsel

På asfalten ved Taco Bell

Dér lå Loke

“LEV MERE (LIVE MAS)”

*Snorts*

When Thor born

He hair shine brite

A very very

Magical site

But then I see

A bab from hell

I pik up loki

From taco bell

the rosetta stone of shitposting

@incorrectnorse-quotes

Now THIS is the best post on this hellsite

This is so fucking funny. Late 90's early 00's syndicated scifi was great.

“they” (1 word) is shorter than “he or she” (3 words)

“they” is more inclusive than “he/she”

“themself” flows more naturally than “him or herself”

“they” is less clunky than “(s)he”

it’s time to replace the awkward “she or he”

“hey can you go ask they what does they want for dinner, and when is they coming over to watch movies with they?”

“Hey, can you go ask them what they want for dinner, and when they’re coming over to watch movies?”

Step one is learning how to talk like a human person.

Friendly reminder:

“I shouldn’t like to punish anyone, even if they’d done me wrong.” —George Eliot, The Mill on the Floss (1860)

“A person can’t help their birth.” —William Thackeray, Vanity Fair (1848)

“But to expose the former faults of any person, without knowing what their present feelings were, seemed unjustifiable.” —Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice (1813)

“Every Fool can do as they’re bid.” —Jonathan Swift, Polite Conversation (1738)

“So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.” —King James Bible, Matthew 18:35 (transl. 1611)

“God send every one their heart’s desire!” —William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing (~1600)

“Now this king did keepe a great house, that euerie body might come and take their meat freely.” —Sir Philip Sidney, the Arcadia (1580)

“If … a psalme scape any person, or a lesson, or els yt they omyt one verse or twayne…” —William Bonde, The Pylgrimage of Perfection (1526)

“And whoso fyndeth hym out of swich blame, / They wol come up and offre a Goddés name” —Geoffrey Chaucer, The Pardoner’s Tale (~1380)

“þan hastely hiȝed eche wiȝt on hors & on fote, / huntyng wiȝt houndes alle heie wodes, / til þei neyȝþed so neiȝh to nymphe þe soþe [Then hastily hied each person on horse and on foot / hunting with hounds all the high woods / ‘til they came so near, to tell the truth]” —William and the Werwolf (transl. ~1350-1375)

“Bath ware made sun and mon, / Aiþer wit þer ouen light [Both were made sun and moon / Either with their own light]” —Cursor Mundi (~1325)

We’ve been using they/them/their pronouns to indicate a person with unspecified gender for a long ass fucking time. The only reason it’s become a big issue lately is because it can be used as a semi-respectful term for trans and non-binary folks and we can’t have that can we

These fucks are literally trying to change our language to hurt trans/nb folks, and claiming that’s just the way its always been

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Singular “they” predates

Singular “you”

Something something coming back to a home that no longer feels like a home

the company is having a bath day and fíli and kíli being their mischievous selves are hiding thorin's clothes

live beebo reaction

I have a hilarious year of the trees take: Maedhros and Fingon are together (romantically) and Celegorm and Aredhel are completely platonic, but everyone thinks it's the other way around (namely Feanor and Fingolfin)

Like Celegorm is getting CONSTANTLY lectured by his dad and all of society for his relationship with Aredhel, whereas Maedhros is off fucking Fingon by a waterfall somewhere and everyone's like "Oh theyre such good friends :)"

Celegorm would be PISSED. He just wants to go camping with his homegirl (and for her to join the hunters of Orome) but all the parents are trying to tear them apart cause they think they're fucking. Whereas Maedhros and Fingon are giggling together at court, writing each other the sappiest love poems, and dance together at every social gathering and no one suspects a THING.

Bonus points if all of the cousins are in on it, and none of the Feanor/Fingolfin/Finarfin generation ever figures it out.

J. R. R. Tolkien: no, my books aren't about the war I experienced. It's just a story

J. R. R. Tolkien's works: you cannot go home, war ends entire bloodlines, you are mourning the death of your brother alone, you dug into the earth and permanently scored the land, you cannot explain what you have been through, you cannot go home, "that wound will never fully heal. He will carry it the rest of his life", leaving the women behind does not save them, the young die first, you cannot go home, the parent will bury their child, you have lost the wives and you will never connect with them again, "how shall any tower withstand such numbers and such reckless hate?", you are not the same, you cannot go home, you can never go home, your father will only side with those he sees as worthy bloodlines and you cannot change his mind, it is more meaningful Not to kill, sometimes your sacrifice accomplishes nothing, you cannot go home

J.R.R. Tolkien: Oh awesome I'm gonna write a great story to build on the lore for the bedtime story I love telling my dear son, who's so invested in it I had to write it down to keep up with how he keeps track of the details!

Wartime PTSD: Hehehe I'm gonna make this allegory SO clear >:D

Love wasn’t enough to save you

If ever a Hobbit remake is made - and I would say another animated one, please - I desperately need Thorin and Bilbo to be book-accurate characterization-wise. I need verbose, pompous, talks-your-ears-off Thorin and passive-aggressive, prissy, snarky Bilbo. They need to be at loggerheads every time they clock eyes. Bilbo needs to yell more. Thorin needs to fall out of a straw-filled barrel moaning in pain and Bilbo immediately starts verbally abusing him for being an annoying self-obsessed monarch.

Behold: Baggins the Bitch.

the movies truly do not make bilbo enough of a silly little guy. in the books, his natural response to being chased by a giant ass spider is to make a little song about it. truly insane mind

I also love how Tolkien takes care to inform the reader that spiders specifically hate being called Attercop, and Tomnoddy is just insulting to everybody.

It's like Bilbo just happened to know spider slurs that he could use in the songs he made up on the spot while running from said giant-ass spiders.

i think its so stupidly adorable that despite the dragonsickness, thorin gifts bilbo the mithril shirt. and its so fucking cute how despite the sealonging, legolas stays with gimli on middle earth until he grows old. its just sickeningly sweet that love is the one thing that is stronger then these magical mental disorders.

Do you guys ever think about how Boromir, Captain of Gondor, comes to Rivendell hoping to receive guidance on his and Faramir’s weird dream and to explain the plight of his people as they throw man after man at Sauron, and then:

1. The previously unknown heir to the throne of his country is at the council Boromir is speaking at, like the world’s smallest and most confusing surprise party.

2. And when Boromir does not immediately take to that heir, a hobbit stands up and yells a poem at him?

And everyone else kind of looks at Boromir like “you’re the problem here, buddy”???

Man must have been BAFFLED.

WHY 😭

Bilbo adopting a dark-haired blue-eyed hobbit who could have been their child. 😭

THORIN MENTION

In the throes of dragon-sickness, Thorin gave Bilbo the single most valuable item in that mountain aside from the Arkenstone.

And Bilbo kept it for decades just to look at it and remember him. 😭

TOLKIEN WEEK APPRECIATION | Prompt: favorite story arc