You just had to be there I guess.

Gay is a really funny minority because with other minorities it's like "first black president! first female nobel prize winner' or whatever but with gay people it's "first openly gay" because we all already know there's been a bunch of gay ones already. like nobody even disputes this. gay president? yeah pretty sure we've had gay presidents. gay, you know, king of england? what you think none of those motherfuckers have been fucking gay?

the secret lives of real birbs!

never forget the universal rule of the order of things: People Will Not Read It

signs at stores? émail? menu ?? instruction ? post online ? caption with andswer to question ? group hand outs ??? street sign ??? no. The Written Word Is The Enemy

#The number of compliments i have gotten for reading a thing

The ability to occasionally Read A Thing will make you a hero in your workplace, especially if it is for example an error message that tells you what you need to do differently, or instructions on unjamming a printer.

how dare you say we put jam in the printer

(Tags via @reprintable)

Oh no fucking way

Okay the funniest thing about this is that everyone’s saying I’m taking away his space by putting things in the window

He has this entire one right next to it with a blankie and he uses it exclusively for people watching. He really only goes to the other window when he decides to be A Menace

Also his name is Banjo

He as a stroller

Omg there been updates!!

Just discovered that if a certain medical situation had gone slightly different in my youth I would have had to take testosterone for the rest of my life because my own production would be impaired

Many people would say I dodged a bullet

As a transwoman, I think I got hit.

I'm joking partially - there obviously would be a lot of medical consequences and I wouldn't just be able to drop off testosterone or anything.

But the image of alt universe me, also a trans woman, having to take testosterone for a good portion of her life is funny to me.

I think alt universe me is funnier than me. Got more stories.

today we are going to learn about horses

horse fact 1: horses are partially exoskeletal

horse fact 2: horses are partially trees

horse fact 3: got frogs in em

these are all the facts we have about horses.

OP that's not even a full horse. You've literally only looked at the feet.

maybe one day we will be brave enough to lift our eyes and look, trembling, at the rest of the horse. not today, though. today, these are all the facts we have about horses.

I am far too cowardly for my own good, I am scared to even smoke one (1) cigarettes

good. dont

trans catgirls are a dying breed man. roving gangs of puppygirls have driven the species close to instinction. what a fucked up wo- *gets distracted by the idea of being hunted for sport by a puppygirl gang* -i need to Leave

! You can make any male character significantly hotter by giving them excessive piercings.

! Bulletholes do count.

my wife is constantly mocking me for how lightly done I like my toast. “your hot bread is done,” she says to me. disgusting

I want everyone who’s unearthed this after 5 years to reblog it and say “lmao me” to know that getting divorced from this person was one of the best decisions of my life