The Worst Part
By the time she opened her eyes, he was gone.
The weeks that followed weren’t easy. Luciel had the responsibility of taking Azrael’s job until a replacement could be found, meaning that while Maggie was in school, he was often in Heaven, helping the Host. Balancing their romance, not getting caught, and doing his work was time consuming. However, he was always there when Maggie got out, and when her break started, he was by her side as often as he could be. Sometimes, they discussed heavier things, serious things. Other times, he would simply lay in bed with her while she rested. Regardless, he was where he wanted to be, so he was happy.
Her father was careful to keep a close eye on her now, and after two near-death incidents, Luciel couldn’t blame him. He just hoped one day, he wouldn’t have to mask himself and Maggie could introduce her father to him. Now, though, he knew wasn’t a good time. Maggie had only just gotten her cast off the week before. They agreed, her father wouldn’t be ready to meet a boyfriend Maggie had never once mentioned. He didn’t mind. For now, this was fine. He could be happy with just this.
He never did bring up the Kiss of Death again. He thought, maybe, it was for the best that they take this one step at a time for now, and Azrael was gone, now, anyway. Maggie was safe, so it wasn’t as if he needed to be able to find her at a moment’s notice.
That night, her father was on night shift and Sara had a soul, leaving Luciel and Maggie alone. He’d made her dinner and even done the dishes. It had been their first thing even close to a date. Opening the door, he found her leaned against her window sill, staring at the sky, the ghost of smoke still lingering on her lips.
Moving to rest his hands to her shoulders, he kissed the top of her head, drawing a soft hum from her.
“You know, you really should stop that, now that you have a future to worry about. Most would..”
That drew a soft frown to his face, and he tilted his head. That wasn’t very much like her at all. She seemed… deep in thought, troubled, perhaps even sad. Lately, she’d seemed happier, freer. He liked to think he had something to do with that, at least, in part.
“Mags?” He asked, feeling the hair on his neck stand on end as he reached out for her. “What’s the matter?"
“Hm? Oh, just… thinking,” She said, her words not easing his concern.
“About what, princess?" A silence followed his words that put him on edge, and he tensed, pulling his hands away from her as the air around them settled into an uneasy stillness that frightening him half to death. This wasn’t like her. She was being… almost cold to him, distant. Had he done something wrong without realizing it? Had he… hurt her? His expression became worried, and his skin paled, as he swallowed, waiting for her answer.
“...Luciel,” She said softly, turning to look over her shoulder at him quietly, green eyes laced with a deep sorrow that made his chest feel like it was going to crush under its own weight. No… no she couldn’t.
“I think we need to talk, sit down.”
The words that Maggie spoke were probably the most painful Luciel had heard to date. Stiffly, he moved to sit on the bed, shoulders tensed as he watched her sigh. Her footsteps were heavy, pacing across the floor as she rubbed her right hand over her left wrist.
“Listen, can we really do this? Do… us?” She said, and Luciel felt his insides turn cold. She was...unhappy? “I mean- you’ve got your responsibilities in Heaven and- it’s not really smart of me to enter into a relationship no one else can see, right..? It looks bad- we can’t exactly go on a real date, and I mean, what am I supposed to tell people about why I don’t date. ‘Oh, actually, I have a boyfriend, but you can’t see him because he’s an angel!’?” Sorrow overwhelmed him, but he couldn’t argue, because nothing she said was untrue. Still, he.. He wanted to believe there was a future for them.
“Maggie…” Sorrow, heavy and thick, settled on his shoulders and he bowed his head. “We can.. We won’t always have to live like this,” He promised, jaw clenching on the lump in his throat.
“Won’t we? I will always be me, and you will always be an angel. Do you know how nuts that sounds? They could hospitalize me for that, and I’ve got my future to think about!”
“Maggie.” She was right. He knew she was. That didn’t stop the searing hot sensation of agony coursing through him. He had to do what was right for her.
“I’m sorry, Luca, I just- I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. I think it would be best if we-”
“If we broke up.” The words fell out of him before he could stop them. He knew what was coming. He’d already made peace with it. She...was unhappy, and it was his job to want her happiness, even if that wasn’t him.
Silence hung around them like smoke, invisible, but far from clear. They both knew what came next, now. It was just a matter of who had the courage to do it first. He looked up and found her watching him, crystalline tears running down her fair cheeks as she looked on at him. There was so much pain written on her lovely features. She didn’t deserve to hurt. Part of him wanted to pull her in and taste her lips just one last time, but… that wouldn’t have been fair to her.
“Maggie Hill,” Luciel said, moving to his feet and crossing the space of her room until he was standing before her. His face was ashen, more so than usual, and his expression was one of grim acceptance. If he had to be the one to do it, to spare her just a little bit of pain, then so be it. “I hope that one day,” He paused, swallowing thickly, “one day, you find a man who cherishes you as I do, and I hope he makes you the happiest woman on the face of this Earth. You deserve nothing less.” A pained smile graced his features, and he leaned down, kissing her forehead. As he did, her eyes slipped closed.
