I am going to [remembers that jokes about suicide are detrimental to myself and others] Scarborough Fair.

me making my oc a worse person

What if, hear me out, we make the super rich reduce their standards of living before asking those at the bottom to do so?

my parents are hanging out on a tropical island while I’m getting shat on by seagulls

you guys love to laugh at my misfortune

So one of the things that can apparently contribute to kidney issues in cats is if they eat too much dry food and don't drink enough water; cats are adapted to get a lot of their water from their food since they're originally desert animals, and might not get enough water if they don't eat wet food. Unfortunately, Dozy won't eat wet food no matter what; she categorically refuses to touch the stuff. So a few months ago, we were looking for ways to get Dozy more fluids, and my wife noticed at the pet store a cat drink--basically meat broth with some floaty bits in--that was low-protein and meant for cats with kidney issues. So we figured, worth a try, right?

Great news: she loved it. Super tasty apparently. Great success. Along with the kidney-sensitive treats we found, it was a nice way to supplement her diet. Unforseen long-term consequence though: she loved it so much she began demanding it throughout the day. Like, would come up to us and meow, and meow, and meow, and not stop, until we got up, went to the kitchen, and got her some cat drink.

And by doing so on demand, we have unfortunately created a monster: no matter what we are doing at home, Dozy knows that if she sits next to you and meows, 1) you know what she wants, and 2) you know that she will not stop until you get it for her now. And when you do get it, she gets extremely excited. She will bum rush the kitchen door as you enter. She will run around your feet as you open the can. She will let out the creakiest, crunchiest, most nails-on-the-chalkboard meow you've ever heard if she thinks you're not going fast enough.

I do not begrudge her this. It is gratifying to care for a creature whose most ardent desires are so simple that it is this easy to fulfill them. But I am a little sad, because I know in my heart that I have never loved any comestible as much as she loves this cat drink. She has a pleasure of a purity and intensity that I will never know.

[the creacher in question]

reblog if your gender is "It's not that simple"

i beg to sniffer

I wish we could teach each other how to love the way we can teach animals that aren’t supposed to be able to feel it.

@kaijutegu is this cute? I know you deal with tegus and not iguanas, but I didn't know who else to ask

This is precious.

So, first thing you need to know is that is a very visibly healthy adult green iguana. Every part of the iguana is sharp. The claws evolved to haul a ten pound lizard up a tree. The spines are like tiny icepicks. The tail is a bullwhip. The teeth evolved to shred leaves, but they'll just as easily shred your flesh. Good luck making a healthy adult iguana do anything they don't wanna. That puts us on our first thing to look at- is the animal capable of defense and getting away, physically? Yes, definitely.

Next thing to know is what does a threatened or scared iguana look like? When an iguana is threatened, it doesn't stand on its hind legs like that; it stands on all fours and puffs itself up to look bigger, aggressively bobs its head (note: head bobbing is a behavior used for a LOT of things, it does need context- for example, they also head bob as part of mating displays), there is hissing, there is tail whipping- iguanas are not subtle creatures. None of this is the behavior of an iguana that feels threatened or is being a threat!

So what does standing like that mean? That's just simple reaching. The iguana sees something they want and is attempting to reach it, and what they want appears to be uppies, because they settle into the human's grip immediately.

Then, we see some GREAT handling from the human. There's really great communication happening between the two of them! The person picks up the iguana very securely- pelvis and pectoral girdles are well supported, and he doesn't grab. (Iguanas typically do NOT like being grabbed around the sides; many of their predators are birds and coming at them from above or gripping the sides is scary!)

As he goes in for the pet, he lets the iguana support their back half on his knee. The hold is secure but not tight; at any point, if the iggy was distressed, they could leave. But they don't- instead, you see them leaning into the pets, actively participating in the behavior. They're not even closing their eyes to block stimulus. They want this to happen.

This is the kind of bond that's possible when you can prove to a big lizard that you're trustworthy, and easily the best iguana video I've seen in a long time. Thank you for tagging me in!

Some green iguana body language resources under the jump!

straight romance that isn’t technically canon: she blushed at him and they stared at each other for several seconds

gay romance that isn’t technically canon: we would defy the laws of nature for each other. their soul is tangled in mine and there’s no force in the world that could ever untangle it. they have destroyed everything I was and I have destroyed everything they were so all that’s left is the two of us. we will fall in love over and over again until we reach the end of time. I will change the way the forces of the universe works so they can be happy.

I don't trust anyone who hasn't acknowledged their capacity for evil.

"I'm just a smol bean uwu" No sir, what you are is someone who is so habituated to thinking of yourself as innocent that you will continue to do so even when you're guilty.

To quote Chris Fleming

"You know that thing where the most toxic person you've ever met over-relates to woodland creatures on social media? I call it Vibe Dysphoria. She'll put up a picture of a mouse in a jean jacket with 'It's me.' That is not you. I don't know how you got under the impression that you are a mouse in a jean jacket. You are an eel with a gun.She posts a toad with a basket of mushrooms like 'Me doing my little things.' Oh madam, there is nothing little about your things. You gave me psychosexual issues I'll carry to my watery grave. You are not a toad in the forest...You are a cruel woman who just happens to be small."--Chris Fleming

It’s like the Dumbo story, you’ve all probably seen it

nothing funnier than the shock on someone's face when they try to be condescending to you about your autism & fail miserably. i was in a course and the instructor said something so extremely bigoted it was a genuine safety risk so i raised my hand and when he called on me i very calmly took him to task about it and then a few classmates backed me up and he backpedaled so all in all it worked out.

later one of my colleagues approached me in private and said, "hi. i know you've said that sometimes with your autism it can be difficult to read a room and know when it's appropriate to have certain discussions so i just wanted to tell you that the issue you brought up in class earlier, well, it wasn't the time. you could have waited to talk to the instructor after class or emailed him. it sorta caused a scene, and i know you don't mean to. : )"

i laughed and said, "yes i did. i confronted him about it in front of everyone because what he said needed to be challenged in front of everyone. it would've been dangerous for people to leave today believing what he said with no other points of view."

and my colleague looked SO shocked. he said, "oh! well, huh. okay!"

he really heard an autistic person calmly and succinctly articulate an argument about human rights and thought, "well that must be a mistake."

this doesn't just apply to autism tbh. the issue here is that so many people spend their entire lives desperately trying to adhere to the status quo, whatever it is in any given moment, and remain neutral, that they stand by while bigotry thrives in their company.

obviously there are people who need to do that for safety, but many people, like my colleague, do have the power and position to speak out, but they don't. so when they hear something they might even recognize is unacceptable, and someone says, "that's unacceptable," they see the person challenging the problem as the actual agitator.

my colleague was uncomfortable with conflict, and it was convenient for him that i'm autistic because he could assume it was simply a lapse in judgement that i said anything. not that it was responsible to say something, and i'm the person who did, and perhaps next time HE should.

the rest of my classmates agreeing with me? well, just ignore them i guess.

While making dinner tonight, I very very fleetingly, but very seriously and legitimately thought “I should watch Goncharov tonight”

And then I Remembered.

That it's no longer on poob?