gagging you with our red string of fate to shut you up for one fucking second

our top scientists are hard at work finding new forms of t4t nasty style fucking

our bottom scientists are. hm. well. theyre contributing too 👍

popular culture used to be very much about eroticism. rockstars used to be on stage in sequins and thongs and thigh high boots playing guitars like they were masturbating. girls used to wear velvet mini dresses and no bras and red-brick-brown lipstick and mascara on their bottom lashes. people used to have body hair on television and in the movies. people used to be sweaty. people used to touch each other over denim and under cotton. foreplay used to be staring at someone over the rim of a glass across a bar across a park across a dinner table. people used to want. i think we’ve lost something

Not to be rude but you think our current pop culture ISNT sexualized enough? All we have is sexual content and it’s not even quality. Just because it’s not the exact aesthetic of eroticism that you prefer doesn’t mean that something is “lost”, it’s just done differently

there’s a difference between eroticism and sexualization ☝️🤓 we have too much sexualization and not enough eroticism. eroticism is suggestive, not overtly sexual. i know you don’t realize this but you’re actually kind of agreeing with me. we have too much low quality over sexualized content with no meat or context or purpose. everybody needs to put their clothes back on and start staring at each other from across crowded rooms NOW! 🫵

possibly my favourite scene from anything ever

ok what the hell is the x files

this show has won awards

I used to have this ep on vhs and I would rewind this scene over and over again and laugh til I cried. Eventually the tape wore out.

this is a serious show

gagging you with our red string of fate to shut you up for one fucking second

"blowing [someone's] brains out" sounds like it should be a sex thing tbh. missed opportunity.

i'm going to [remembers that suicide jokes have a negative impact on my mental health]

RHETORIC [Challenging: Failure] - Come up with a witty alternative that reassures everyone present that you're capable of handling the situation, despite recent setbacks. Quickly.

YOU: "I'm going to get my brains blown out."

Well. It does create a hole

bro no i swear im not a masochist i just fucked up my parry timing. i just fucked up my parry timing is all. hit me again im ready this time

ow. ow ok that time you did something different. your stance was different. what? no im fine im not even bleeding that much. come on bro hit me again. no im fine cmon

ow. ow owww ow. ok ok you're right i didn't even try to parry it that time i was just kind of standing there looking in your eyes so what. i was. i was just letting you practice your swings. yeah. what? yeah you have nice eyes. theyre lovely. no i dont want to stop i need to learn how to parry enemy attacks cmon. no i dont need a break cmon. hit me in the face this time

knuckle tattoos that say OKAY YAY❤️

If I do manage to hand in my seminar paper on Monday, I truly deserve a medal and a break for the rest of the month

German literature is fun but also at my uni it's 90% medieval texts and BOY it's cool and interesting but i've talked enough about stories about knights and medieval figures for the next 30 years!!

The real reward of handing in a seminar paper is being able to finally put away all the literature you've been working with tbh

Some of Shawn Spencer's old jobs

Apparently the USA website had a game concerning Shawn's resume. Here's the list that game revealed (Gotten here but thought I'd repost on Tumblr)

Obviously, the timeline has gotten a bit screwy in places (The first job is a bit sus: San Pedro is 3 hours from SB, bit far since should have still been in high school) as the show went on but we're missing half of his jobs so...

We're not told when he worked in a candy store or at an acupuncture clinic or when he went to Argentina

Quite the contrary, actually. *pushes up glasses* While the term ‘pretty boy’ can be used as an insult outside of the internet, here on tumblr it’s a genuine compliment!

Aha. Fascinating. Do the asterisks indicate an action I'm supposed to imagine you doing?

Usually, yes. But in this case I don’t actually have glasses or need them, so it’s an imaginary pair of glasses I’m using to indicate that I know what I’m talking about (and also make me sound smarter)

Okay. *Inserts fresh magazine into Colt M1911.* *Pulls back slide.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Ejects mag.* *Reloads fresh mag into pistol.* *Pulls back slide.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Fires round.* *Ejects mag.*

This is with a real gun. I'm using it to indicate that I have a gun. And that I'm firing it.

WHAT DID I DO??!?! WHY ARE YOU SHOOTING AT ME?!?!

Obviously I'm not shooting at you. If I was, I would have typed "*Aims Colt M1911 at you*" at the very start. Who taught you to read? Hellen Keller?

I don’t have a good comeback for that. Uhm

*throat punches you*

*Parries your blow.* You just secured yourself an officer assault charge, pal. *Initiates full body take-down.* *Mirandas you.*

First of all, I’d like a lawyer. Second of all *casts fireball*

What the Hell? Magic and amendment six are allowed?! Those are two of my least favorite things, behind Dinosaur Land and government handouts. Damn it. *Is set aflame.* *Still places you in handcuffs.*

It is my god given right to exercise my entitlement to an attorney and set you on fire with magic! *casts fireball again* *but harder this time*

I'm inclined to continue burning in this bizarre imagination area. The chief just harshly reminded me about the mile-high stack of reports on my desk, though, so I should get back to work before she decides to put the "Bar Mitzva incident" on my record after all. *Erupts into an ashy firework that leaves my body only identifiable through dental record.* I guess. O'Hara will avenge me.

Catalog cover for a Van Gogh art exhibit. 1892.

The Memory