just fucking miles of cock

New Chef AU chapter up on Friday. 🙏

Thanks for everyone's patience, my whole life got flipped-up-turned-upside-down over the holidays and I'm now in a much better place (mentally and physically) to return to writing.

<3 you all

me: i'm gonna put a bunch of chat things in here cos i love them

also me: why the fuck did i put all these chat things in here i hate formatting this shit

That Dish Doesn't Have (a) Reduction - Chapter 6

The Sixth Course has been served, the kitchen apologizes for the wait. Chef AU, Jance, Bokris, Explicit, mind the tags.

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“Uh oh,” Jan mutters. Nace glances up to see Kris exiting the office wearing a clean chef coat, heading in their direction. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

“Damon Baker is coming by today,” Kris says, as if it's a normal occurance to have one's professional antagonist over for lunch. Nace and Jan exchange the same surprised look, which Kris pretends not to see. “Just a social visit. Nothing formal.”

“‘Nothing formal’?” Jan repeats, gesturing at Kris. “Why are you wearing your ‘make a good impression jacket’ if it's not formal?”

Nace has seen Kris blush before, but the way his whole face flushes is new and somewhat worrying. “There's nothing wrong with looking professional, Jan, and you should try it sometime.”

Jan scoffs and says, “Not a chance,” before Nace can do something embarrassing, like defend the professionalism of Jan's "Hello Kitty" bandana.

Read more on AO3

hands off the healer hawke

he has slain all her enemies and now he's at peace, by her feet, and needs no other reward

this post by @toadtoru was my inspiration: dreamt about a knight coming to you after a battle and getting on his knees in front of you and roaming his hands up your legs and smearing blood across your skin as he rests his cheek against your upper thigh. btw. additionally i would like to add taking his helmet off and hearing it rattle against the stone floor and running your hands through sweaty hair and praising him for protecting your kingdom. anyways.

"it's all in your head" correct! unfortunately I am also in there

Mental illness is all in your head in the same way that prostate cancer is all in your ass.

this person wins everybody else go home

some crazy good fanfic in my google docs. whatever guy started writing it i hope he finishes it

via studio7_ljubljana

tumblr is such a different animal than other social media platforms for so many reasons obviously but one thing i really find funny about it is how on other sites if i see something that doesn't interest me i don't follow or don't like the post. but on here if someone i follow starts posting exclusively about something really niche that i have no interest in my reaction is never to unfollow. its just part of the natural environment. like oh mutual is now really into pro wrestling? ok i guess ill be seeing these guys around now

me when @un-shit-yourself got really into joker out

what the-

credits to @n3bismel (x)

“Team gender’s over here fighting team religion.”

“I’d say this is a metaphor.”

God grant me the strength to do the things I enjoy

x

That’s his malnourished blond daughter. You can’t tell me otherwise .

finally someone said it! this comparison haunted me ever since I saw him 🤭

(and there's also his sibling, Muse drummer Dom Howard XD)

let's discuss something I've been noticing for a while: is this man wearing underwear? (the answer is no)

slut! is this so the husband has an easier access to the goods, huh, Janči?

Another example of jan with no undies

I mean... 👁👁 I'll just leave these here 🫠

they be hangin'

faun 🤭

face of a man so consumed by lust, awe and admiration, he's feeling unwell and about to pass out 🤭

Putting all tabletop players into a college level ethics class and forcing them to turn in a paper on moral philosophy before buying a new book

This is…. An interesting thing to say… on this post in particular….

I think a lot of people reblogging this from @probablybadrpgideas are interpreting this as “this would be such a funny wacky way to make the table soooo complicated” but I mean this as a complaint about the way that so many tabletop players seem to just. completely lack an understanding of ethics. what it actually means to behave ethically and treat others ethically. and i dont mean this as "why do people want to be mean and play as villains? :(" i mean "why are there so many tabletop players that sympathize with outright fascist factions to the point of wondering why theyre listed as 'Lawful Evil' in the book"

can you talk me through why this was a particularly bad or challenging thing for your party to have done

Goblins were in fact, for me, a turning point on this concept. I had a player who wanted to be a goblin, and I forgot about this fact up to the point that the party got a quest to kill goblins. As soon as I was announcing the quest I realized it would be a problem, though I didn't have anything else ready so I went with it. And it was! The players immediately questioned why the mayor was paying mercenaries to kill goblins, and then further questioned his justifications, at which point I realized it would be a better story if the goblins were a scapegoat and not an actual villain. This turned into a terse interrogation where the mayor threatened to put them in jail once their questions got pointed enough that he would have to either field accusations or lie; they then went CSI on the situation and drilled through his political cabinet to get answers. I had to improv pretty much all of it and I don't remember the actual ending (I know they sided with the goblins and the mayor was guilty), but this helped me realize that the Gary Gygax writing style of "certain races are just BAD and that's why they hang out in dungeons" was very short-sighted.

D&D writing, by and large, encourages a lack of questions. The surface runs deep. "Go into a cave and chop up goblins." Why are we doing this? "Goblins are bad." All goblins? "Yes."

I think the question of "why are there players comfortable siding with fascist factions and wondering why they're called 'lawful evil'" is pretty easily answered with... because D&D itself is inherently kind of fascist. And it's the most insidious kind of fascist, too- its villains are fascists, so how could you point fingers at the book?

Fire Giants are dwarf slavers. Drow are a megalomaniacal theocracy who hate men. Orcs are violent tribes of marauding killers. Illithids want to destroy all life and keep an entire civilization to scrub their floors. But these narratives still push the idea that "evil" is a racial trait. The players are not only justified in their campaign to destroy these cultures, they're encouraged to do it.

They let the cat out of the bag by making these playable races; because now, they're not cut-and-dry villanous societies. They're people. There are Drow accountants whose lives are about balancing taxes, not worshipping Lolth. There are Yuan-Ti who don't sacrifice babies on altars, and much prefer playing the lute or sewing blankets. Yet we're still expected to read "Chaotic Evil" under the Monster Manual entry for a bugbear and take it seriously.

Reblogging again to add a quick take: as a DM introducing ethics makes your game so much better.

I had an intro to my campaign that involved a mad scientist kidnapping someone and turning them into a wererat. I didn't think much of it and I spent way more time fleshing out the other NPCs, I just wanted to use that wererat as a boss fight.

Once the party encountered him though they immediately saw what I totally missed: the guy who became the wererat was absolutely the victim of this story. I did my best at thinking on my feet and made the wererat this defeated guy who only followed the mad scientist because he felt like his life was ruined. So they, through good rolls, convinced him to help them fight the mad scientist and it made for such a better story.

The moral I'm trying to convey is that you need to treat every NPC in your game as a world within themselves. And I mean EVERY NPC. Why are the wolves attacking people? Are they desperately hungry? Mind controlled? Territorial due to poachers? Why are the goblins working for the wizard? Extortion? Promise of riches? If the bandits see that everyone is in armor, why wouldn't they just let the party pass and wait for easier prey? If one of the bandits die, why wouldn't the rest of them run for the hills?

here’s a couple of articles on the history of racism + xenophobia in tolkien & how that influenced dnd

anyone interested in the subject should definitely also check out the whole Three Black Halflings podcast, which talks about being black in nerdy spaces. a lot of times they’ll have on guests talking about their intersections and experiences in nerdy spaces. they have an episode with the author of the articles above.

they’ve also played a ttrpg based on african mythologies rather than mostly european ones like most mainstream fantasy.

highly recommend!!

[Image descriptions:

2. Tumblr tags from "grad-school-fool" that read: "do you know how hard it is to DM a party with MORALS"; "their first dungeon they unionized the goblins"; "because thats what happens when you treat sentient species as sentient". /End ID]