Beartosis

If tumblr dies DM me for my full home address and we can have a barbecue

tomboyism is so funny to me. gender non-conformity for girls is acceptable for like two minutes between the ages of 8 and 10. beyond that it’s appalling and you’re a freak but for those two years…… they could’ve had it all

when it’s really bad again and it’s still way better than it used to be but it’s still really bad. and you do all the right stuff and you try and try and it still really hurts but it’s working but it still hurts and you go see the beautiful majesty of nature and your soul is so close to being at peace but your mind is still in pain. and it’s better but it’s still bad. and the sun is setting.

so. my wife came downstairs just as i took a bite out of the remaining half red onion on the counter. literally within seconds of just getting away with it. i looked at her, and she looked at me, and we both sat there a moment, all frozen, beforeshe said babs, what the fuck. i tried to say i can explain but it came out as or corn explorn because such was the onion in my mouth that there was no room for words. its honestly a miracle that she understood me at all. at least, i'm assuming that she understood me because she did let me get my bearings for a few moments. a smarter man would've used that time to think up a good lie, but instead i just chewed as fast as i could because i knew i was gonna have to tell a whopper and i really wanted to be able to use big words again.

big words are instrumental to telling a whopper.

anyway, i totally ran out of time. i barely got my first swallow of onion in before she said well?, and i did at least have an empty mouth to match my empty head. but also i had no lies. so i looked her dead in the face, opened my mouth and waited, every bit as curious as her, to hear what excuse my mouth was gonna come up with.

im pregnant, said my mouth.

great job, mouth, said my brain.

mmmmm onion, said my mouth.

better you than me, said my wife. then she went upstairs. it has been two hours she still refuses to kiss me. im devastated. im shook. im crying a little, i think.

(but that might just be the onion.)

Okay but now I have to know

What was the truth??

Because it simply cannot be as obvious as “what, I like onions”

It can’t

Because that would not need a lie

I know people who eat onions like apples simply for pleasure

I don’t understand them, but they say “what, I like onions”, and we both shrug, and they carry on

Also. Was. Was the plan to eat the whole thing? Just no more half red onion? Because the alternative form of “getting away with it” was you were planning to put it back with a bite taken out of it before she came in and that is if anything more unhinged

okay so i do this thing that i call tummy tacos where i put all the ingredients to a taco in front of me, but like, separate. and then i take big bites of all of them. but just one at a time. like one big mouthful of taco chicken and then swallow and then a separate big mouthful of chopped cabbage and then swallow and then a corn tortilla and you get the idea.

(my wife considers it Barbaric. she does not approve of tummy tacos.)

but yesterday i had this idea for stomach pico de gallo there i was gonna eat an onion and then a tomato and then a jalapeno and then some cilantro. thud achieving salsa internally. but i underestimated the call of the onion. i really could give a damn about everything else after the onion. i felt the love of jesus in that onion.

and thus i fell into folly.

Babs, were you going to just rawdog a jalapeno?

no i was planning on just eating it

@charyou-tree

picky eaters fear the eaty picker.

@theshitpostcalligrapher

ognion

ink: custom blend, liquitex pyrole and diamine oxblood

how much can you change and get away with it, before it turns into someone else, before it's some kind of murder?

I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO UNMUTE,

Captions:

Gaston: "Everyone knows her father's a lunatic. He was in there tonight, raving-"

Fast placed music plays as the scene changes.

Gaston: "Whoa! Slow down Maurice."

smoking cigarettes and drinking a six pack of these in the alley behind the pets store

🔮💖Witchy Aesthetic💖🔮

this is how the main quests in skellige felt like

The US-backed terrorist state of Israel killed Palestinian chef and co-founder of the Gaza Soup Kitchen, Mahmoud al-Madhoun.

Mahmoud was able to feed over 3,000 Palestinian civilians a day through the genocide.

Let's keep giving it all we've got for the Gaza Soup Kitchen. Israel has repeatedly targeted and killed those who have given service to the Gaza community.

Donate as much as you can or if you're unable to, share this post so it reaches more people! Any amount, even a dollar, can help the heroes of the Gaza Soup Kitchen to feed the people of Gaza.

(source)

I WILL bring this up again. You will give yourself a huge leg-up by learning basic skills. Look up free YouTube tutorials, see if your library has training classes, take a computer literacy class if you can fit it into your class schedule.

You will do so much better at a job if you can use just the basic functions of Excel, Word, and Outlook. Interested in coding? Learn it! Everyone telling you that AI is going to get rid of the need to know how to do HTML is a damn liar. Take a step back to figure out what you don't know, pick the first thing on the list, and go learn it. It will be worth it!

I take immense schadenfreude in Elon Musk spending $25 million to try to influence an election in Wisconsin only for the candidate he was backing to lose by a larger margin than was predicted before Musk got into the race. Like how tf do you dump that much money into a state supreme court election and get not only nothing out of it but LESS than nothing. That's a truly impressive level of failure. I'm watching Elon become the most hated man in America like the Sickos yes hahaha yes comic

The latest news out of DC is that everyone in the federal government, up to and including all the MAGA ghouls cannot fucking stand Elon Musk

lol. lmao, even