okaaaaay theydies hi hello, i have....... *counts real quick* one sec!
yes okay, i have SIX dramione one shots that i'd like to discuss! i think i'm gonna talk about 3 on this post and 3 on another, because i be yapping and i'm not just trying to throw a wall of text at anybody 😭
get in cuties, we're going one-shotting! 🚘💨💨💨
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mkay so first up is "five malfoys in love" by mayrise (7.6K words)! i thought this one was SO CUTE and SO SEXY (...sometimes lmfao 😭 but hold awn), i love a good co-workers to obsessive lovers moment! i loved the mission to the forbidden forest that hermione and draco had to go on, i loved their silly moments! draco (the main one) was really sweet, silly, and respectful. hermione was a BAMF, a little cunty and biting. my favs 💖 i loved the time travel element SO MUCH, i love a good time travel fic, and i loved the appearance of all of the draco's from different times in his life. his youngest self was a hateful little bitch but hermione handled up on his and all of the others were haunting and just... perfect! i loved all of their characterizations!
now this one shot has a little bit of smut and i thought it was like... kind of out of nowhere? like the oldest draco is just like, "come here, future wife!!!" and kind of pounces on her and they end up fucking up against a tree. it was abrupt to say the least. 😂 but it was well written and sexy!!!! BUT also adult hermione just like........ let's a teenage draco like.... make out with her? and she kisses him back??? no. hated that. very much hated it. 😭👎🏾 like booooo bitch, boo! no! and then at the end, once it becomes clear that draco and hermione want to be together, they decide that they are going to suck and fuck in the rain while still in the forbidden forest....... like girl, ain't aragogs kids still in there? y'all don't wanna find a bed? but anyways 🤠 it was still a good time!
Hermione gets more than she bargained for when Malfoy gets hit by a spell during their mission, leaving her to deal with five time-jumping Malfoys!
tags: Romantic Comedy, Fluff, Mild Angst, Smut, Co-workers, Auror Draco Malfoy, Ministry of Magic Employee Hermione Granger, Idiots in Love, Time Travel, Crookshanks makes an appearance in spirit, EWE; rating: explicit
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so then i read "belladonna" by ninabinaballerina (6.9K words), and i almost DNF'd this one because i was so annoyed with the first half. i was like, "good FUCKING GOD not another hermione is a virgin that malfoy is trying to corrupt or whatever the fuck is going on not anymore of this trope no no NO NO NO" because i am so tired of virgin hermione and i have only read 2 of them lmfao BUT BITCH 🗣🗣🗣 when i tell u that twist got me! LMFAO 😭 the twist was so unexpected, i ain't know what the fuck was going on. this was literally me:
WHEN I SAY I WAS MF SHOOK? i had to get up and take a lap around my house, i was.... i couldn't believe it! i don't want to go too much into it because i don't want to spoil it and if i forget and reread this post in the future i don't want to spoil it for myself lmfao but GIRL! BITCH! this shit got me! it was so good! NOTHING IS AS IT SEEMS! it's twisted! it's fucking sick and once it hits, i wanted more!!!!
but also the ending is....... very sexy. if u read this and remember i said that, yes, i am a slut! idc lmfao hermione at the end of this is who i am on the inside 😌😌😌 sue me! i just wish that he had gone down on her, but i love a draco who is obsessed with tasty cunt! that's just me tho lmfao i love well rounded smut idk idk idk i want all the elements! not just p in v! but again that's just pervy me!!!
After buying Hermione Granger at an auction, Draco planned to make her call him Master Malfoy, force her to orgasm, and then he’d throw her out the next morning.
But the irritating swot always managed to surprise him.
tags: Dubious Consent, Toxic Draco Malfoy, Auction, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Forced Orgasm, Breeding Kink, NOTHING IS AS IT SEEMS, POV Draco Malfoy, References to Infertility, Sex Work; rating: explicit
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i mean it was okay?? i mean, i'm never gonna read it again so... yeah, i ain't like it lmfao i really like the CONCEPT of the fic because like, who amongst us hasn't considered the importance of the "rolled sleeves agenda" in fan fic? and it's all about that!! that's it, that's the fic. hermione is on a mission to prove that she is only attratced to draco because she caught him rolling up his sleeves after ginny and pansy point out how a man rolling up his sleeves increases his attarctiveness significantly (and i big agree lmfao). i was excited to start it because i thought it would be so cute and funny and it's an 8th year fic and i've been loving that and then... *sigh*
mostly hermione's characterization annoyed the ever living piss out of me. theo was there doing his best to be cute and fun and hilarious and perfect and he was that! draco was broody and disagreeable and horny and perfect. ginny and pansy being besties was amazing. if this hadn't been in hermione's POV it could have been a knockout! but there she was, being a killjoy. being insufferable. being just... urgh. my stomach be hurting sometimes reading annoying ass hermione lmfao and i know the point of it was she just didn't want to admit her feelings so she did all of this stupid ass shit in the name of research and science but it wasn't cute or like... anything. it was just annoying.
it was giving "it's levi-ooooooo-sa, not LEVI-o-SAR!" LMFAO 😭😂😂😭 i couldn't wait for it to be over. even the little smut scene was mid. it was cute for what it was but still mid. couldn't be saved. truly a pity!
Ginny and Pansy swear that when someone rolls their sleeves up it makes them instantly more attractive, but Hermione isn’t sure she agrees.
Until she sees Draco’s forearms and rolled-up shirt sleeves, that is.
She couldn’t find him attractive, surely? So she sets about doing the one thing Hermione does best - researching her way through the male population just to check that rolled sleeves really are the only reason for her attraction to Draco Malfoy.
All in the name of science, of course.
tags: Fluff, Smut, Humor, POV Hermione Granger, Sexual Humor, Hermione Granger is Bad at Feelings, Science Experiments, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Sexual Content, Rolled Sleeves Agenda; rating: explicit
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