If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

Some Angsty BuckTommy thoughts, mostly thinking about Tommy’s POV through everything:

At work, Tommy meets a buff twink named Evan Buckley. Helps Evan realizes he’s into men.

They have their first kiss, then their first date. Tommy cuts the date short and leaves.

They try again a second time, lasting a little over six months. Tommy breakers up with him and leaves.

They are guided to each other by Ravi months after the breakup. It takes Buck like two minutes to ask Tommy to hook up.

They hook up, the morning after goes pretty well into Tommy brings up Eddie. Buck snaps at him, and Tommy leaves.

Tommy looked so hurt and heartbroken. But I’m not focusing on just that moment.

Because the entire time he’s known Buck, he’s had this skeptical voice in the back of his head. He’s 40, Buck’s 33, and Buck is very attractive and could be with anybody, but he still chose to keep coming back to Tommy.

But Tommy has been waiting for the other shoe to drop since they get together. Buck’s young, new to dating men, and he has a hot best friend that he’s very attached to.

And all of Tommy’s feelings of doubt and jealousy were proven to be “right” by Buck himself that morning after.

So I bet Tommy has been mentally beating himself up over wanting to give Buck another chance. All the worries he had were confirmed. And with his insecurities, I’m thinking he’s blaming himself for “being so stupid to think that they would ever workout long term”. He believed going in that it would be a fun fling for a little while and Buck would move on.

But Buck didn’t move on. Buck was obsessed with him. So maybe with each passing day, Tommy would feel more at ease and the doubts in the back of his head would go away. He got so caught up in the fun that time passed so quickly.

Even after they broke up, it took mere minutes for Tommy to give in to Buck after not seeing or talking to each other for months.

Tommy probably hates himself right now for giving Evan so many chances and ignoring the warnings in the back of his head.

So he’s heartbroken and possibly blaming himself for the heartbreak (which he did cause).

And now Buck’s confirmed his suspicions, Tommy’s just devastated. And he self-sabotaged himself there.

If the Tim and the writers breadcrumb this for a little while, I wouldn’t necessarily mind. The angst is feeding me very well.

As much as I love Tommy, I need to have a little chat with him.

Tommy Kinard, sir, at your grown age of 40, surely you knew that sleeping with your ex and then implying that he’s into his best friend, was not a good idea.

I understand that you missed him and were probably looking for any chance to be around him again, but you fumbled it badly.

Holy shit, I just realized why Buck didn’t verbally reciprocate his feelings for Tommy: the last time he was emotionally vulnerable about their relationship, Tommy dumped him. So it makes sense as to why he didn’t say anything.

But the sad part now is that both of them now don’t feel safe opening up to each other.

And by sad, I mean sad for them. My messy ass is living for the angst. The number of times I rewatched Tommy get his heart broken is probably on par with all the times I listened to Meet the Grahams by Kendrick Lamar. Quite a lot.

Yes, I’m unhinged, no surprise at all, I’m on tumblr.

I know us fanfic writers are staring at the angst like it’s filet mignon. We gonna feast on this for a good while.

Let’s go BuckTommy shippers!

If Tim and the writers are approaching BuckTommy the way I think they are, I’m going to eat my own words calling him and them white mediocre idiots.

Because in 8x11, they’ve inserted Eddie as a problem for Tommy, and it’s possible it could be intentional to shut Buddie down once and for all.

I’m not being mean-spirited about this at all, I’m just looking at it from a different angle.

Because now Buck and Tommy have to address the Eddie/Buddie situation before they get back together if they do get back together.

Do I know how they’re going to handle it? Nope, it’s a guess at this point.

But I’m intrigued but their choices so far. Not just as a shipper but as a fanfic writer and erom author.

It’s nice to be able to dissect the craft again.

Is it wrong that I want Buck and Tommy to fight some more? Not in a bad anti-ship way, but in a messy ass romcom/drama way.

Little snips at each other. Rolling their eyes. Ignoring each other. Little quips. Talking loud when the other is around so they’re forced to acknowledge each others’ existence.

Or even better, talking to someone else in a lecture way but wording it so that it applies to their ex while also standing near their ex.

And then 118 and 217 watching it all go down like a tennis match.

Even better yet, both crews get called to a scene and Tommy ends up flirting with a cute guy right in front of Buck, and he uses his talent for targeted flirting to really up the ante.

And Chimney still remembers the basketball incident, so he swoops in and steers the cute guy elsewhere because Buck is about to blow a gasket and probably tackle the guy.

Maybe Buck even tries to apologize for what he said in the kitchen the morning after they hooked up, but Tommy plays it off like it didn’t actually hurt him. He just says “noted” but doesn’t continue the conversation. He walks away because he doesn’t trust Buck enough to be vulnerable around him again.

And Buck being Buck doesn’t know what else to do to try and mend things with Tommy. He tries to get more advice from the FireFam, but they put up a boundary “Buck, he’s your ex, not ours. We’ve done all we can to help you, but this time you’re going to have to figure it out yourself. You two dated for six months, and if you don’t know how to fix things with him by now, maybe this is just your lesson to learn. Tommy’s a great guy. He can find someone else easily. If you want to be with him, you’re going to have to put in some real effort that comes from your own brain and heart.”

Buck is not happy with that response and storms off, but later realizes that they were right.

And meanwhile Tommy is getting chewed about by his own crew:

“He was practically begging you to talk to him and fix things. He’s trying, and you refused to even give him an inch.” Cue Tommy smirk because he’s given Buck more than just one inch if you know what I mean.

It earns him a smack to the back of his head.

Back to the lecture: “We know he hurt you, but considering all you two went through, he was right to snap at you out of frustration. You held back when he thought you were being honest. You blindsided him with the Eddie accusation and dismissed his own feelings and Eddie’s sexuality, not cool. You can keep playing aloof to hurt him, but at some point he’s going to give up and walk away for good. If that’s what you want, keep at it. But if it’s not, talk it out life the adults you are.”

Essentially both crews end their speeches/lectures with “You guys were so happy together, and even when you fight, there’s this sunshine aura that surrounds you two. You both have just hit a major pothole in an old rickety car. It’s a total loss, and you need to salvage what you can to find a better and safer car.” (Yes, I’m talking in car insurance terms, but it works here).

They take some alone time to figure out what they want, then Tommy finally reaches out to talk.

So during the 6 months Buck and Tommy were together, how much you want to bet that the FireFam would occasionally get annoyed with how lovey dovey they were?

Because everyone’s known that one couple that they rooted for in real life to get together, but once they did, the novelty wore off while the couple was still in the honeymoon/newlywed stage.

Like sugary sweet but enough to make your teeth rot.

Because Buck and Tommy were obsessed with each other. I can see them gazing into each others’ eyes at a barbecue. Walking around with one arm wrapped around each other. Kissing quite a bit in front of everyone else because they’re in their own little world. All their little inside jokes with each other that no one else understands.

Basically joined at the hip and in young love.

I bet they were sickeningly sweet.

I wonder if something happened besides sex that night Buck and Tommy hooked up.

We know Tommy wanted to get back together, but that was after the news about Eddie moving to another state.

I wonder if Buck said something else to make Tommy want to try again.

But I also need to know what happened between ending sex and falling asleep. They did talk at all? Did they just pass out?

I can see them joking lightly with each other about how eager they were to fuck. Or that they’ve still got it after being broken up for months.

Or maybe Tommy has been wanting to get back together for a long time and was gifted the opportunity.

And I wonder how Tommy rationalized hooking up with Buck. He doesn’t seem like a one-night stand guy at his age and experience.

Also, when did the makeout session start? How did Tommy not notice they were headed to Eddie’s house the entire car trip there?

“What if” Buck and Tommy’s morning after went differently?

What if Tommy kissed Buck after asking how his sleep was?

What if it was so tender and genuine that they couldn’t stop kissing?

What if Tommy had to turn off the stove to give his full attention to Buck?

What if Buck yanked at Tommy’s clothes, trying to undress him in the kitchen, but Tommy picks him up, carries him into the bedroom, and gently lays him down on the bed?

What if Tommy continued kissing Buck while his hand slipped into Buck’s pants?

What if he stroked Buck to the same rhythm as his kisses (with tongue)?

What if Tommy pulls down Buck’s pants and underwear just enough so that Tommy could give him a blowjob?

What if Buck kissed him after coming in his mouth?

What if Buck flipped them over so that he was on top?

What if Buck started slowly undressing Tommy while there lips are almost fuzed together?

What if he fingers Tommy until Buck himself gets hard enough to fuck him?

What if Buck makes love to him?

What if Buck’s thrusts are slow and methodical?

What if the sex is so good that Tommy’s nails bite into Buck’s skin?

What if Buck’s huge dick rubs Tommy’s prostate with every thrust?

What if Buck stares into Tommy’s eyes while making him come?

What if Buck gives him little kisses all over his face while Tommy recovers from his orgasm?

What if they can’t stop kissing or looking at each other?

What if their fingers are intertwined as they cling to each other?

What if they talk it out, all cards on the table?

What if they decide that their relationship is worth fighting for?

What if they lived happily ever after?

I have a feeling deep down in my spirit that the very first time Tommy saw Buck and his naturally pink lips, he thought “There’s definitely something about this guy”, and then the scene where Buck touches his shoulder with that silent thank you and flirty smile firmly cemented Tommy’s crush.

And watching 7x04 scenes knowing that both Buck and Tommy were crushing on each other is so wholesome.

I will never forget the bright smile Buck had when Tommy fist-bumped him. Then he checked Tommy out while Tommy ran backwards and was smiling back at Buck.

And their first kiss was perfection.

And fuck, I just realized that they planted the seed of Tommy being suspicious of Buck and Eddie in 7x04.

When Buck confessed that he had been trying to get Tommy’s attention, Tommy’s response was “My attention?”. It was implied that he thought Buck had been acting out because he was into Eddie.

I hate to give Tim and the writers credit for that because they fucked up the breakup conversation.

Tim really planned the scheduling of episodes poorly. The breakup happening the same week as the election was idiotic, then months long hiatus.

Remember on Buck and Tommy’s first date when Buck was so nervous that Tommy said “Well, then I guess it’s just me that makes you nervous.”

And Buck blushed and gulped.

I feel like he had never been properly courted until he met Tommy.

Because Tommy is a gentleman through and through, and Buck must have loved being cared for by someone for the first time.

I don’t know all the details of all his previous relationships, but I do remember Abby using him to make herself feel better, and I’ve seen summaries of his other relationships and they don’t seem like they cared for him as much as Tommy does.

Maybe that’s why he took the breakup so hard, besides the obvious heartbreak. He had finally found someone who treated him like a priority, who liked all his weird traits with some boundaries in place.

And then Tommy ended things when Buck was ready to move to next stage.

They complement each other well, and Tommy can keep up with him in the bedroom easily. Tommy got fucked six ways to Sunday, and still got up early to go buy groceries and cook them up for Buck while Buck slept in. This was even after their breakup.

I wonder if it’s part of Tommy’s aftercare routine. Of course Buck fell hard for Tommy (hard literally and figuratively 😈).

Who wouldn’t love to fuck for hours then get fed afterwards?

I hope Buck and people in real life know that this is where your standards should be when it comes to dating. Partners take care of each other and show affection. You always deserve to have someone who makes you happy, whether platonic or romantic. You all deserve the best.