card for when you've finally nailed the DILF

olympic gold in hitting christian babies with a bat

points deduction. that last baby was a calvinist

oh my god people yes i know calvinism is a type of christianity the joke is that it doesn't take skill to hit a baby who's predestined to get hit come on

"gay or european" also goes for middle-aged women btw. that lady with short hair no makeup and sneakers isn't a lesbian she's just german

Do not obey in advance.

Keep hating It's working

Okay but reblogging specifically for "Tesla in Distressla" because whoever came up with that tagine deserves a moment of recognition.

The good news: you get to pick your new soulmate! (You can define "soulmate" however you want: platonic/romantic/partners in crime/etc. But they will be in your life, constantly.)

The bad news: you don't get to pick where they come from.

Spin this wheel until you get a fandom with characters that you recognize. As soon as you do, stop. One of those people* is going to be a constant presence in your life, whether you like it or not. So choose wisely.

*broadly defined

there’s a specific type of online community entitlement that i can really only describe as like “feels entitled to participate in a community for a piece of media that they personally find distasteful because they’ve got FOMO” and it just manifests in those really annoying ways where people complain about the content in something and go on tirades about it because they want to play with everyone else but can’t actually handle the thing itself

honestly heroic

Are you an American? Do you love our nation's national parks, our libraries, affordable health care, and essential checks and balances? DO YOU NOT WANT TO GO TO WAR WITH CANADA?

Fuck, are you just a European and you're highly emotionally invested in what's going on?

Well good news, help spread the news. Special elections April 1st and this is going to help break down the narrow majority Republicans hold on Congress.

Florida has two congressional seats up for election April 1st, and Wisconsin has a highly televised race for their supreme court Court that Elon Musk has invested millions into.

If you're Floridian, check to see if you're eligible to vote in either of the elections listed here.

If you're a Wisconsinite, for some ungodly reasons about half of your election information is buried in Google and hidden amongst government websites but, find your polling place now.

tumblr and discord changing their ui just enough to be noticeable within a week of each other, 1 million billion neurodivergent people found dead

You think I'd let you all down? I heard the call and I answered.

Yes, Con O'Neill is joining us this June at The New Uni-Con (though he probably will be wearing a shirt).

Con will be joining us for photo ops, panels and all the Meet & Greets. And for an added bonus, you can get 10% off weekend tickets with the code payday-yayday until noon tomorrow (UK time).

what even is the message here

common misconception, scientists are actually smooth in only one direction

There are scientists in One Direction?

I want you to know that I hit post, saw what I had written, and knew that someone would make this very joke, but I did not pussy out and hit edit. instead I embraced my fate with gladness

Hey. Look at me. Please leave yourself a note somewhere you'll see it later that says "it is going to take years if not decades to get the United States government to the level of functionality it had in November of 2024." If we elect a democrat in 2028, we are not going to be up and running by 2032.

Please make sure you have a reminder in your phone reminding you to not look at 2028/32/36 Democratic candidates and say "why are they not promising/delivering Cool Shit?" because you are going to understand that to get Cool Shit we must have competent people running a decently funded government, and we are not going to have that.

We are not getting UBI. We are not getting single payer healthcare. We are not getting free college or free preschool. We are not redistributing wealth on a large scale. We are not getting free internet. We are not getting ranked choice voting.

If we are lucky, we are going to get an IRS that can collect taxes, qualified schoolteachers, research grants, Social Security, and a government that thinks maybe it should be a priority for people around the worlds to not have AIDS, malaria or TB.

you will live to witness manmade horrors that are completely within your comprehension if you've paid any attention to a single piece of human history but are nevertheless still huge bummers

Currently doing an Insomniac's Gambit. For those of you who don't know, this is when you mess up your sleep schedule badly enough that you attempt to fix it by skipping an entire night of sleep then going to bed at a reasonable hour the next day. Crucially, it does not work

Which Tolkien character will you be handcuffed to for the day?

Will you enjoy your day or will you barely survive it? *cackles evilly*