Unexpect The Expected

Splendor Solis

i like working at plant store. sometimes you ring up someone and there's a slug on their plant and so you're like "Oh haha you've got a friend there let me get that for you" and you put the slug on your hand for safekeeping but then its really busy and you dont have time to take the slug outside before the next customer in line so you just have a slug chilling on your hand for 15 minutes. really makes you feel at peace with nature. also it means sometimes i get to say my favorite line which is "would you like this free slug with your purchase"

@holyknuckled you get it. lterally what are we here on earth for if not to occasionally impose gastropods upon unsuspecting customers. this story is delightful

@holyknuckled like that?

oh? my god???

yeah, Exactly like that

Anime Expo 2008 cosplay contest

mind-bogglingly erotic

"everyone suddenly seems really stupid and aggressive" its brain damage from covid

"im sick all the time now and everyone at work is sick all the time" its immune system damage from covid

"im sick again, but i tested and its not covid haha" its still probably covid, rapid covid tests have been estimated at 30% positive accuracy by researchers who are factoring in strain mutation and user error

"no one can drive anymore, what happened" its brain damage from covid

"why am i suddenly mentally ill" its brain damage from covid

"i started feeling weak, breathless, confused, distracted, irritable and in pain but it was a while after i got covid so its not long covid" long covid sets in a random number of months after your covid infection and also asymptomatic covid can cause it

"ive still never gotten covid, isnt that great" unless you are an undiscovered genetic freak (possible) or youve been living in a clean room, you have had a covid infection. it may have been asymptomatic

"im sick but its from blood clots, heart disease, asthma, nerve damage, narcolepsy, etc" covid attacks the entire body and can cause all of these things as downstream effects

"ive already had covid so i probably have pretty good immunity by now" covid does not work like this. the more times you are infected, the more permanently injured you will become, and the more vulnerable to further covid infections and infections of all other viruses and bacteria

"ive been vaccinated so im safe" covid does not work like this. vaccination lowers your likelihood of developing severe infection, it does not protect you from contracting the virus

"well what am i supposed to do" wear a mask

having a cat is so miraculous. this little guy wants to sleep in my bed with me and purr on my chest. it’s his favorite hobby. no one told him to do that he just Loves His Mommy

nevermind he’s extremely naughty and has terrorized multiple people this morning

Even without words, we communicate through our eyes.

And some highlights from the notes:

im your only friend im not your only friend but im a little glowing friend but really im not actually your friend but i am

Eric Drooker (American, 1958) - Paleolithic Subway (1995)

An orca (Orcinus orca) breaches off the coast of the Pacific Northwest, USA

by Guy Schmickle

a couple years ago the eric carle museum of picture book art had an exhibit on diane & leo dillon who are responsible for so many iconic illustrations. i went back twice just to see the collection again. this is a sliver of their work— it’s hard to find high res images.

> sees complaints that a female character looks "too masculine" or "like an ugly lesbian"

> ask if we got an actual butch character or if shes just a normal looking woman that isnt wearing make up and a dress

> person is visibly confused, i start explaining the difference between actual butch presentation and dress and a woman simply dressing comfortably to avoid indecent exposure

> person laughs and says "she straight up looks like a guy, i can barely tell her apart from the actual men"

> google the character

> shes just a normal looking woman that isnt wearing make up and a dress

> sees complaints that a female character looks "too masculine" or "like an ugly lesbian"

> ask if we got an actual butch character or if shes just a black woman

> person is visibly confused, i start explaining the difference between actual butch presentation and dress and how black women are held to white standards of femininity and are often accused of looking like/being men because of white people applying these standards to them

> person laughs and says "she straight up looks like a guy, i can barely tell her apart from the actual men. why are you bringing race into this?"

> google the character

> shes just a black woman

one of my top ten french behaviors is that i find it deeply jarring to see croissants (as a whole) be considered as "pastries". a Pastry is an éclair or perhaps a millefeuille or lemon tart or macaron. it is colorful and sugary and generally dainty (not always) or indulgent (not always). croissants (including chocolate/almond croissants) are Not! Pastries. but carmine, you cry! what are they then? VIENNOISERIES. like wien. you know. the city. we stole them from the austrians like a william years ago. no yeah no it Is a stupid name. still not a Pastry however,

the humble Croissant will sate you in a pleasant but ultimate useful way. it is an Efficient and Unexpensive helpmate for hungry children after school and lovers who want to treat their beloved to a breakfast deserving of the name after a beautiful night and tired grownups who want to find a Reliable and Unexpensive reason not to Kill Themselves and get them through the day.

the frivolous Pastry will be bought and consumed by Relatively Moneyed Workers on their Company-Subsidized Lunch Break, Families who visit their In-Laws on Sundays, and Lovers wishing to Court their Beloved in an Ambitious and Elegant Manner,

another of your top ten french behaviors is having all these fucking rules. a croissant is an air sandwich to be eaten on boats. a croissant is a vessel for lox. a croissant is duck bait. a croissant is meant to be stored in the basket of a bicycle for one hour before consumption. a croissant must be chewed in time with a psalm. a croissant is technically not bread and therefore cannot be eaten with cheese. a croissant must be fucked gently. croissants cannot be eaten before ten o'clock or after three o'clock. what gives, man.

Thy Name Shall Only Be Spoken In Great Shame And Contempt By Thy Countrymen.

On this day twenty years ago, Rose Tyler tried to find out more about the mysterious man known as the Doctor by googling "doctor". Iconic shit.