Pinned
I’m gonna tell you all right now, if any of y’all wanna take my ideas for stuff, please do. I will one, probably won’t notice, and will two, definitely enjoy reading it. These posts can be taken as prompts, and or inspiration. I don’t care. Just be creative and use my stuff if you wish.
Captain Marvel is a questionable parent. That’s been well established to the league. It just never ceases to still wow them though.
Like, Marvel can be overprotective at times…
Villain: *insults Mary*
Marvel: *gasp*
Fawcitizens: *gasps*
*silence*
Marvel: “What did you just say…?”
Villain: “I said—” *insults her again*
Fawcitizens: *more gasps*
Marvel: *slowly narrows eyes* “…What if I just beat your ass right now?”
Everyone: *all whip their heads to look at him*
Marvel: “I guarantee, I can do it right now— and most of the people in this vicinity can’t and won’t stop me.”
The villain got the beating of a lifetime. Junior joined in and Mary did too after a bit. The villain ended up being stomped out by all three in the end.
But at the same time…
Marvel: *embarrasses himself*
Junior: “Haha, idiot!” *points and laugh*
Marvel: “Why you little—” *strangles him Homer and Bart Simpson style*
Junior: *flailing*
JL: *all concerned and scrambling to try to stop this*
The JL are all very concerned and are in the process of setting up a meeting so that Marvel can reveal his identity to them so they can send a social worker over.
marvel- "Definitely a normal age, not something weird like twelve or seven hundred, uhhhh thirty? " batman- concern
Batman: “Why are you saying this as if you don’t know?”
Marvel: “Funny you mention that.”
Batman: “You don’t??” *more concern*
Marvel: “No?”
Batman: “Oh my God.”
Bruce stared at the ground and started to piece together everything until he came to a, albeit wrong, conclusion. Captain Marvel doesn’t know how to do half of the adult things almost every adult should know because… because what? Does he have amnesia?
Batman: “Do you have amnesia?”
Marvel: “I did for a little bit.”
Batman: “Pardon?”
Marvel: “A long time ago, I hit my head and forgot how to use my powers.”
That was true. One day in Fawcett it was really cold, and Billy slipped, head over ass, and tumbled down some stairs.
//mini flashback//
Billy: *ringing in head, slowly opening his eyes*
Freddy: “BILLY?? BILLY, OH MY GODS???” *shaking him*
Billy: *groans*
Mary: “Stop shaking him, Freddy, you’re making it worse!”
Freddy: “Oh, right. Sorry.” *stops shaking him*
Mary: “Billy? Billy, can you hear us?? Are you okay???”
Freddy: “How many fingers am I holding up?” *holds up two*
Mary: *looks at him like he’s crazy* “Freddy, he hit his head. He’s not blind!”
Freddy: “You don’t know that! I was watching this movie and some chick went blind because she hit her head.”
Mary: *now actually considering that a possibility* “What??”
Billy: *groans again*
Mary: “Billy, answer! How many is he holding up??”
Billy: “Two…? Uh… who are you guys?”
//mini flashback end//
Batman: “…has it been cured?”
Marvel: “Yes? That was a couple years ago.”
Batman: “Oh.”
*silence*
Batman: “Are you sure you got everything back when you regained your memory?”
Marvel: “Yeah?”
Batman: “I see…”
Okay, so something else must’ve taken away this man’s basic life skills.
Batman: “Have you been hit by any lasers that inspire harmful and or wacky effects recently?
Marvel: “No?” *pauses* “Actually, there was Sivana’s Destructo Ray.”
Batman: “And?”
Marvel: “And it blew the side of my head clean off.”
Batman: “Pardon??”
Marvel: “Don’t worry it regrew. I did have a splitting headache though.”
Okay, that could explain why the Captain is mentally lacking in certain departments. But… just to be sure…
Batman: “Any other head injuries?”
Marvel: “Uh… Well, there was Thursday.”
Batman: “Last Thursday?”
Marvel: “Yeah, last Thursday. Anyways, I was trying to take down some robbers, and one of them pulled out a hammer and hit me in the head. Gave me a big dent.”
Batman: “I thought you were indestructible?”
Marvel: “It was a magic hammer.”
Batman: “Oh.”
Marvel: “It was also the size of a car.”
Batman: “Oh.”
Marvel: “Yeah. And then there was about a week ago with Black Adam grabbing my head and slamming me into the ground—
Batman: *just listening, more and more concern growing*
Billy went on for a solid 15 minutes about the various head injuries he’s earned as a hero and as Billy. Batman left that conversation more concerned about his colleagues brain than ever.
Bruce has finally done it. After six long years of not knowing the Captain’s secret identity, he’s cracked the flipping code. Finally. FINALLY. It’s been driving him up the wall for years. Call him obsessed, but Bruce thinks he’s driven.
As of right now, Bruce Wayne, or Batman was staked out in front of the Vazquez house, laying on a roof, holding binoculars, and watching as Victor Vazquez, a.k.a. Captain Marvel corralled his kids into his car. He’s finally got him.
The family, and Christ the Captain, or should he be calling him Victor now, was big. He could each other the other Marvel’s albeit more bitty. So it’s a family business… no wonder the man never reacted strangely to seeing Robin for the first time. His kids are superheroes as well, and some of them either younger or the same age as Bruce’s Robins. Though, Bruce is confused as to how they change into adult when they need to fight.
Anyways, it was time to let the Captain know he knew.
At the Mall…
Bruce: *in the Bruce getup, approaches Victor* “Victor Vasquez.”
Victor: *confused* “Uh… Do I know you sir?”
Bruce: “You do.” *hands him a file for an upcoming mission* “I thought I’d give you this in person.”
Victor: *stares at it, wondering if it’s drugs* “What is this?”
Bruce: “You know.”
Victor: “No I don’t?? What is this???”
Bruce: *walks off*
Victor: “Hey! Don’t go!”
Bruce left after that. He was honestly impressed with the Captain. He didn’t show any signs of lying. He must only be a bad liar when it came to things that didn’t involve his identity. He must not take that stuff seriously. Bruce made sure to stake them out once more though. He watched as Victor disappeared into a room with no windo—”
Marvel: “What are you doing?”
Batman: *pauses, slowly looks up*
Marvel: *is looking down at him disapprovingly*
Later, At the Watchtower…
Marvel: “I can’t believe you’d stake out my house!”
Batman: *just standing there cause he’s heard this lecture so many times*
Marvel: “I can’t believe you even tracked me down?! What is wrong with you cause last I checked, I’ve made it clear to everyone that I’m not comfortable sharing my identity!”
Batman: *zoning out at this point*
Marvel: *pacing and ranting*
Batman: *still zoned out*
The people have been wondering, who exactly Mary, Freddy, Pedro, Darla, and Eugene‘s parents were. Someone, a reporter, finally worked up the courage to ask who the mothers of all the Captain Marvel’s “kids” are in an interview.
Reporter: “Captain Marvel, who are the mothers of the other Marvels?” *puts a microphone to his face*
Marvel: “Huh? Oh, I have no idea.” *shakes his head*
Reporter: “Pardon?”
Marvel: “I have no idea. Or, well, I do know Mary’s mom, but as for everyone else, I have no idea.”
Reporter: “Is that you confirming the children besides Mary accidents?”
Marvel: “Okay, one, I’m not confirming anything. Two, don’t call them accidents. That’s rude. And three, I honestly couldn’t tell you if they were accidents or not.”
Reporter: “And why is that?”
Marvel: “Because I never knew their moms.” *shrugs*
Fan: *yelling from somewhere off camera* “Does this mean you’re single?”
Marvel: “Wha—” *has to pause and look at them in disgust*
Fan: “I’m so sorry.”
Marvel: “Right…” *looks back to the reporter* “So, I’m not gonna answer that question, but they do all have a mom currently though.”
Reporter: “Oh? A fellow hero perhaps?”
Marvel: “Nope. Just a regular old mom who’s the best.”
Reporter: “Is she the mother of any of the current children?”
Marvel: *slightly disgusted at the thought* “Uh… biologically no, but other than that, yes.”
Reporter: “Does this mean we will have another Marvel on the way soon?”
Marvel: “Maybe? I mean, I don’t think she and her husband need another kid with the six she already has.”
Reporter: “I’m sorry, her husband? Are you not her husband?”
Marvel: “No?” *full blown disgust now* “Why would you ever say that to me?”
Reporter: “My apologies, it’s just that you make it sound like they aren’t your children?”
Marvel: “They aren’t.”
*silence*
Reporter: “Are you not their father?”
Marvel: “No?”
Reporter: “So you just run around with these random little children who help you fight super villains…”
Marvel: “When you put it like that, yes.”
Reporter: *staring hard*
Marvel: “If it makes you feel better, I have their parent’s permission.”
Reporter: “I think that makes it worse.”
Marvel: "would you rather I let them wander around fighting crime without adult supervision?"
The people have been wondering, who exactly Mary, Freddy, Pedro, Darla, and Eugene‘s parents were. Someone, a reporter, finally worked up the courage to ask who the mothers of all the Captain Marvel’s “kids” are in an interview.
Reporter: “Captain Marvel, who are the mothers of the other Marvels?” *puts a microphone to his face*
Marvel: “Huh? Oh, I have no idea.” *shakes his head*
Reporter: “Pardon?”
Marvel: “I have no idea. Or, well, I do know Mary’s mom, but as for everyone else, I have no idea.”
Reporter: “Is that you confirming the children besides Mary accidents?”
Marvel: “Okay, one, I’m not confirming anything. Two, don’t call them accidents. That’s rude. And three, I honestly couldn’t tell you if they were accidents or not.”
Reporter: “And why is that?”
Marvel: “Because I never knew their moms.” *shrugs*
Fan: *yelling from somewhere off camera* “Does this mean you’re single?”
Marvel: “Wha—” *has to pause and look at them in disgust*
Fan: “I’m so sorry.”
Marvel: “Right…” *looks back to the reporter* “So, I’m not gonna answer that question, but they do all have a mom currently though.”
Reporter: “Oh? A fellow hero perhaps?”
Marvel: “Nope. Just a regular old mom who’s the best.”
Reporter: “Is she the mother of any of the current children?”
Marvel: *slightly disgusted at the thought* “Uh… biologically no, but other than that, yes.”
Reporter: “Does this mean we will have another Marvel on the way soon?”
Marvel: “Maybe? I mean, I don’t think she and her husband need another kid with the six she already has.”
Reporter: “I’m sorry, her husband? Are you not her husband?”
Marvel: “No?” *full blown disgust now* “Why would you ever say that to me?”
Reporter: “My apologies, it’s just that you make it sound like they aren’t your children?”
Marvel: “They aren’t.”
*silence*
Reporter: “Are you not their father?”
Marvel: “No?”
Reporter: “So you just run around with these random little children who help you fight super villains…”
Marvel: “When you put it like that, yes.”
Reporter: *staring hard*
Marvel: “If it makes you feel better, I have their parent’s permission.”
Reporter: “I think that makes it worse.”
Marvel is horrendously bad at things most grown ass adults should know. It’s a little concerning for everyone around him.
In the Cafeteria…
Marvel: “Hey, Flash.” *sits down next to him*
Flash: “Hey—” *does a double take* “Did you forget to shave?”
Marvel: “What?”
Flash: “You have scruff.” *points to his face* “I’ve never seen you with scruff.”
Marvel: “What are you—” *feels his face and feels the hair* “Oh.”
Flash: “Did you not notice…?”
Marvel: “No?”
Flash: “How?? I mean, no offense but did you not see it in a mirror.”
Marvel: “No?? I didn’t even know I could grow facial hair!”
Two Hours Later…
Marvel: *at a gas station, puts a razor on the counter*
Cashier: *doesn’t look up, tapping register* “Will that be all?”
Marvel: “Uh… Yeah?”
Cashier: “Your total is 4.78—” *finally looks up and looks like he shit a brick* “Captain Marvel??”
Marvel: “Ah… Hi. Also, did you say 4.78?” *thinks the price is actually crazy*
Cashier: “I— uh— Yes? But uh… I mean, you’re a hero and it’s just a razor so…”
Marvel: “Are you just letting me have it?”
Cashier: “Yeah?”
Marvel: “Oh. Thanks man! Here have a bar of gold.” *reaches hand into pocket dimension and pulls it out*
In the Gas Station Bathroom…
Solomon: ‘Billy… I don’t believe this is a good idea.’
Marvel: “Why?”
Solomon: ‘Because you’re drastically underprepared? The only thing you have is a razor. That’s it.’
Marvel: “Eh. I’ll be fine.”
Solomon: ‘I really don’t think you will—’
Marvel: *just starts ignoring him.* “Alright!” *opens razor packaging*
He proceeded to cut off most of the skin on his cheeks.
or
Hero: “Dude, you’re smart, right?”
Marvel: “Uh… yes?”
Hero: “Can you help me with my taxes?”
Marvel: “Sure…?”
Now, Billy was determined to get these taxes right, but the only problem is that he sucks at math and keeps refusing Solomon’s help even though he can’t do math.
Solomon: ‘Billy, please just let me help.’
Marvel: “No! I have to learn this!”
Solomon: ‘Then learn with my help! You don’t want this poor fellow to be hunted down by the IRS do you?’
Marvel: “…No.”
Solomon: ‘Then, please accept my help.’
Marvel: “No.”
Solomon: ‘Okay, now you’re just being difficult.’
Thankfully for the hero that asked for Marvel’s help, Billy went to Batman to see if he could check his work. What followed was this conversation:
Batman: *has been staring at the paper for like 20 minutes in pure silence*
Marvel: *doesn’t know what to do so he stands there awkwardly*
Batman: “Captain, how old are you?”
Marvel: “Probably 30 something.”
Batman: “Probab— And you don’t know how to do taxes?”
Marvel: “What’s that mean? Is my work not good?”
Batman: “That’s… one way to put it.”
Billy messed up. He knows he did. He should’ve been paying attention. If he had, he wouldn’t be in this mess.
Late at Night…
Billy: *walking down the sidewalk, lost in thought*
Cop: *sees him* “Young man!”
Billy: *stops walking and looks around confused*
Cop: “Young man.” *walks over* “What’re you doing out this late?”
Billy: “Uh… walking home.”
Cop: “At…” *looks to the sky and sees its pink* “nearly dawn?”
Billy: “Yes?”
Cop: “I see…” *suspicious* “Well, why don’t I and my partner escort you home?”
Now you must remember, Billy lives in a shitty apartment complex. He doesn’t want this cop seeing that. Not only that, but he also doesn’t want this cop knowing where he lives in the first place! So he does the only logical decision in his mind: he books it.
Billy: *runs off*
Cop: “Hey!”
Billy made it about a block away before he was tackled by the officer’s partner and taken him to the station. From there, they asked for his parents number and he told them that he didn’t have any. That was unfortunately the wrong move because they called a social worker in response. So now, Billy has this chick breathing down his neck and let him tell you, somehow, every single time he runs away from her… she finds him. He eventually just decides to stay in his Marvel form for a bit, hopefully until she forgets about him.
At the Watchtower, in a Rec Room…
Marvel: *laying on a couch, staring up at the ceiling, looking depressed*
JL: *peering in from the doorway, looking concerned*
GL: *completely unaware of Billy’s mood and the JL’s stalking* “Oh, hey Cap. You look… upset. Is something wrong?”
Marvel: “A social worker wants to take my free- er… son, I guess, away from me.”
GL: *concerned cause he looks dead inside* “Wha- Why?”
Marvel: “Cause they caught him out late at night.”
GL: “What was he doing out that late?”
Marvel: “I honestly don’t remember, but more importantly, with him in the system, I’ll lose all of my freedom.”
GL: “And your son?”
Marvel: “Huh? Oh, yeah. Him too.”
GL: “You… don’t sound that concerned about him.”
Marvel: “Wha? Of course I am! Do you know how debilitating it is to go from family to family, praying for a good one, only for them to just disappoint you?”
GL: “…Were you a foster kid?”
Marvel: “Yeah?”
GL: “Dang… Well, I’m sorry, man. I don’t wanna see Junior separated from you too.”
Marvel: “Junior…?” *has to pause for a hot second* “Yeah… Right. I wouldn’t either.”
GL: “Look, I’m sure things’ll get better. Trust me.”
About a day Later…
Junior: *hanging out with the Teen Titans*
Robin!Tim: *walks in the room* “Junior? Can I talk to you for a sec?”
Junior: “Uh… sure?” *floats over, away from the other Titans*
Robin!Tim: “Right… How do I put this? Suppose I should just rip off the bandaid, yeah? Batman wants to adopt you.”
Junior: *extremely confused* “What??”
Robin!Tim: “Yeah, I know. It’s just…” *leans in the whisper* “Batman told me about the social worker, and he also told me to ask you if you wanted him to pull some strings and you temporarily placed in his care while we worked out getting you back to Cap.”
*silence*
Junior: “Dude, what are you talking about?”
Turns out that Billy never told Freddy about the social worker that was bothering him.
Batman would go to Captain Marvel about it and he’d look at him with a look of confusion, and annoyance, and also a little bit of gratefulness, just barely. The gratefulness is because she’s sure that the JL thinks Junior is his son so if anything happened to Billy and Mary, at least Freddy wouldn’t have to be alone and could go with Batman
Billy messed up. He knows he did. He should’ve been paying attention. If he had, he wouldn’t be in this mess.
Late at Night…
Billy: *walking down the sidewalk, lost in thought*
Cop: *sees him* “Young man!”
Billy: *stops walking and looks around confused*
Cop: “Young man.” *walks over* “What’re you doing out this late?”
Billy: “Uh… walking home.”
Cop: “At…” *looks to the sky and sees its pink* “nearly dawn?”
Billy: “Yes?”
Cop: “I see…” *suspicious* “Well, why don’t I and my partner escort you home?”
Now you must remember, Billy lives in a shitty apartment complex. He doesn’t want this cop seeing that. Not only that, but he also doesn’t want this cop knowing where he lives in the first place! So he does the only logical decision in his mind: he books it.
Billy: *runs off*
Cop: “Hey!”
Billy made it about a block away before he was tackled by the officer’s partner and taken him to the station. From there, they asked for his parents number and he told them that he didn’t have any. That was unfortunately the wrong move because they called a social worker in response. So now, Billy has this chick breathing down his neck and let him tell you, somehow, every single time he runs away from her… she finds him. He eventually just decides to stay in his Marvel form for a bit, hopefully until she forgets about him.
At the Watchtower, in a Rec Room…
Marvel: *laying on a couch, staring up at the ceiling, looking depressed*
JL: *peering in from the doorway, looking concerned*
GL: *completely unaware of Billy’s mood and the JL’s stalking* “Oh, hey Cap. You look… upset. Is something wrong?”
Marvel: “A social worker wants to take my free- er… son, I guess, away from me.”
GL: *concerned cause he looks dead inside* “Wha- Why?”
Marvel: “Cause they caught him out late at night.”
GL: “What was he doing out that late?”
Marvel: “I honestly don’t remember, but more importantly, with him in the system, I’ll lose all of my freedom.”
GL: “And your son?”
Marvel: “Huh? Oh, yeah. Him too.”
GL: “You… don’t sound that concerned about him.”
Marvel: “Wha? Of course I am! Do you know how debilitating it is to go from family to family, praying for a good one, only for them to just disappoint you?”
GL: “…Were you a foster kid?”
Marvel: “Yeah?”
GL: “Dang… Well, I’m sorry, man. I don’t wanna see Junior separated from you too.”
Marvel: “Junior…?” *has to pause for a hot second* “Yeah… Right. I wouldn’t either.”
GL: “Look, I’m sure things’ll get better. Trust me.”
About a day Later…
Junior: *hanging out with the Teen Titans*
Robin!Tim: *walks in the room* “Junior? Can I talk to you for a sec?”
Junior: “Uh… sure?” *floats over, away from the other Titans*
Robin!Tim: “Right… How do I put this? Suppose I should just rip off the bandaid, yeah? Batman wants to adopt you.”
Junior: *extremely confused* “What??”
Robin!Tim: “Yeah, I know. It’s just…” *leans in the whisper* “Batman told me about the social worker, and he also told me to ask you if you wanted him to pull some strings and you temporarily placed in his care while we worked out getting you back to Cap.”
*silence*
Junior: “Dude, what are you talking about?”
Turns out that Billy never told Freddy about the social worker that was bothering him.
can we get an April fools special please? :)
Marvel is impervious to pranks, including April Fools pranks. And it’s not because he can predict them or whatever… It’s because he doesn’t even realize he’s being pranked.
Marvel: *leaves a plate of Oreos and goes to get milk*
Flash: *speeds over and starts replacing the cream with toothpaste*
GL: *floats over* “Dude, what are you—”
Flash: *violently startles* “Wha?! Hal, don’t scare me like that!”
GL: “Uh… sorry. But still, what are you doing?”
Flash: “What do you think? A prank. Duh. It’s April Fools.”
GL: “It’s that time already?”
Flash: “Yeah! So are you going to help me prank Cap or not?”
GL: *floats down until he’s just standing* “Of course. Did you think I wouldn’t?”
After Switching the Fillings…
GL and Flash: *run off to a corner, giggling like little girls*
Marvel: *comes back with his milk and starts eating and watching a show*
After about a Minute…
Marvel: *still eating like nothing is wrong*
GL: “Uh… Barry, buddy, he does not look disgusted in the slightest. Did you somehow managed to pick a good tasting toothpaste?”
Flash: “No? It was just normal mint?”
Martian Manhunter(MM): *floats over* “Ah, Captain. May I have a couple Oreos?”
Marvel: “Huh? Oh sure! Take as many as you want J’onn.”
MM: *eats one* “Interesting. I don’t believe I’ve had these before.” *thinks it’s a new flavor*
Marvel: *thinks he’s talking about Oreos in general* “But I’m sure I’ve seen you eat these…?”
They munched on them together while GL and Flash watched from around the corner with disappointed expressions.
Later…
Flash: “Cap! Buddy, can I talk to you for a sec?”
Marvel: “Yeah? Sure, what’s up?”
GL: *slowly sneaks up behind him and creates a hand to gently put a ‘kick me’ sticky note on the back of his cape*
Flash: “Actually, I’ve gotta go.”
Marvel: “What?”
Flash: “Yeah, fun talk!”
Marvel: “We exchanged at best two sentences—”
Flash: “Bye!” *zooms off, grabbing GL*
About a couple minutes later, a cry of anguish reverberated throughout the entire Watchtower as Green Arrow, in all his wisdom, decided to follow the directions of the sticky note and kick Captain Marvel. He broke his foot.
Marvel: *absolutely horrified* “OH MY GODS ARE YOU OKAY??”
Billy honestly thought that was his own fault because he didn’t even feel the kick. Billy assumed he stepped on GA’s foot or something… he didn’t even know himself.
Even More Later…
Flash and GL: *gave him some fake scratch offs with the fake winning numbers*
GL: “Okay, we gotta have him now.”
Flash and GL: *in cheap disguises, following him to a corner store to watch him try to cash them in*
Billy was bummed that he didn’t get the hundred million jackpot, but the clerk did give him a free scratch off because he was a hero. And guess what? He got ten dollars. Isn’t that amazing!?
Marvel: *celebrating, holding his ten dollars bill*
GL and Flash: *watching him celebrate*
Flash: *squint at him* “Are you actually kidding me right now?
Billy as Captain Marvel just tells Bruce about the littlest robin he met in his road trip
CM: Yeah, he said some stuff about my family… but it was all in good fun!
Batman: Hmmmm
See, Damian had recorded that night in his domino mask camera, but all Bruce knows is that he met 3 kids…
Batman is now itching to find out what happened. Also kinda happy he gets another peice of the puzzle of CM.
Marvel: *doodling*
Batman: *slides into a chair next to him* “Captain.” *nods head*
Marvel: “Mr. Batman Sir.” *nods head back*
*silence*
Marvel: *continues doodling*
Batman: “Do you own a truck, Captain?”
Marvel: “No?”
Batman: “I see. It’s just that I reviewed the footage from a camera I will not disclose the location of—”
Solomon: ‘It was in the little bird’s mask.’
Batman: “— and the people who hit Robin were a few children. Likely joyriding, but upon closer inspection they had food and snacks, as well as souvenirs and little bobbles from what I could see.”
Marvel: *internally starting to panic* “Really?”
Batman:“Yes—”
Marvel: “Wait, you saw him get hit by the truck?”
Batman: “Of course I did. I’m Batman.”
Marvel: “I see…”
Batman: “Anyways, from the footage I reviewed, there were three children. Two boys, one girl, one of the boys looked quite like you. Captain. They were also the only people to run into Robin aside from criminals.”
Marvel: “Okay?”
Batman: “So, I must ask, did you transform yourself into a child and go around the states with a stolen truck?”
Marvel: *just decides to go with it* “…Yes.”
Batman: *stares at him like he’s an idiot for a solid 15 seconds* “I’m not even going to ask why you felt the need to turn yourself into a child. Instead, whose truck did you steal?”
Marvel: “I don’t even remember.”
Batman: “How?”
Marvel: “It was Junior’s idea.”
Batman: “Why are you blaming an actual child for your decisions?”
Marvel: “Because he’s the one that suggested I make that decision? I mean, he was the one that proposed the entire trip in the first place.”
Bruce didn’t know how to feel about a “grown man” blaming a child for something like this.
Diana was minding her business, probably eating a tub of ice cream, when all of a sudden. She got flashbanged by a memory.
See, the memory starts with her when she’s about seven years old biologically, chronologically she was about 159. She was standing behind a pillar, peaking around the side of it as she watched an argument between two women. Her mother, Hippolyta, and a woman clad in robes that had a symbol that was now familiar to an adult Diana.
Hippolyta: “You can’t just leave!”
Prev Champ(PC): “Hippolyta, I have to. It’s my duty.”
Hippolyta: “Your duty should be to your queen! To Themyscira. Not to man’s world! You were an Amazonian first.”
PC: *sounds impatient* “I know that, but I’m not just an Amazonian anymore. I’m the Champion of Magic now.”
Hippolyta: “We have magic users here.”
PC: “Yes, but I can’t just ignore the magicals of man’s world. They exist as well.”
*silence*
Hippolyta: “…If you leave, you’ll never be able to come back.”
PC: “I know.”
Hippolyta: “And— and yet you still wish to go?”
PC: *smiles* “Yes.”
(My friend said this lowkey sounded like doomed Yuri)
Diana ended up sitting in silence for a few solid minutes after remembering that because, while the conversation itself was absolutely riveting to a tiny Diana, what’s important about this memory was the fact that the woman who claimed to be the Champion of Magic had the same lightning bolt as someone she just so happened to know. Her brother. Captain Marvel. So she went to ask him about it.
Marvel: “Huh? Oh yeah, that was me.”
Wondy: “Pardon?”
Marvel: “That was me. When I was an Amazonian. I told you about this didn’t I?”
This is connected to this post (How Do You Just Know My Parental Figure). In this post, there’s a quick piece of dialogue between them where Billy tells her about a champion that was an Amazonian.
Wondy: “I… had no idea that was you.”
Marvel: *confused* “Oh, come on, Diana… I literally played with you when you were a little girl! You don’t remember any ladies with lightning bolts on their chests besides the one from your memory?”
Wondy: “Well, yes, but I never really connected it to you until now.”
Marvel: “Diana, the symbol is literally trademarked for the Champions. Well, not literally, but you will be struck down by one of the God or Goddesses of the current Champion’s pantheon.”
*silence*
Marvel: “That’s actually why I can’t have merch.”
Once upon a time, there were two little kids… a 13-year-old Billy Batson and a 14-year-old Freddy Freeman. They were minding their business until suddenly Freddy came up with an idea…
Freddy: “Billy?”
Billy: “Yeah?”
Freddy: “I think we should go on a road trip.”
Billy: “Huh…? Why?”
Freddy: “Well, it’s just we never do anything fun.”
Billy: “What do you mean? We do tons of fun stuff!”
Freddy: “Name one thing.”
Billy: “Uh… superheroing—”
Freddy: “Try again.”
Billy: “Uh… doing my radio sho—”
Freddy: “That’s only a you thing. Try again.”
Billy: “Uh… drat. I got nothing.”
Freddy: “Exactly! So here’s what we’re gonna do! We’re gonna steal a car—”
Billy: “What??”
Freddy: “One from a thief.”
Billy: “Oh okay.”
Freddy: “Then we’re gonna pick Mary up from the Bromfields, and set out on the open road!”
Billy: “Okay… I guess I’ll talk to Mr. Morris about my absence… and Tawny can watch the city. Dudley could maybe help. I could also talk to the Lieutenant Marvels…”
That’s how the idea was born. They actually snatched a truck but still set out on the open road after picking up Mary and finishing up any final preparations.
Though not even an hour into their trip, they ran into a problem.
Freddy: “What do you mean gas is three dollars?? What the hell is wrong with you?”
Gas Station Worker(GSW):“Excuse me?”
Billy: *elbows him* “Sorry about him! It’s just that it’s rather expensive isn’t it, sir?”
GSW: “Kids, it’s three dollars. You are not missing out by spending three dollars.”
Freddy: “Three dollars can buy me…” *turns to Mary* “What’s 300 divided by twelve?”
Mary: “25.”
Freddy: *looks back to GSW* “Three dollars can buy me 25 hamburgers! So what are you on about, sir?”
GSW: “What are you on about? Where did you get this information?”
Billy: “From our home town? Gas they normally costs about 50 cents.”
GSW: “Where in the world do you live??”
It was after this conversation that the three children shared a look, went behind the gas station and transformed into their Marvel forms. Mary then proceeded to pick up the truck and all three of them flew in some random direction before standing in a circle and chanting.
Marvel, Junior and Mary: “mama se mama sa mama coo sa… mama se mama sa mama coo sa… mama se mama sa mama coo sa…”
That somehow made it so that the truck didn’t need gasoline anymore.
From then on, they were the stereotypical tourists. They went to the World’s Largest Yarn Ball, and the World’s Largest Frying Pan, and the World’s Largest Fire Hydrant. It was a blast.
Then they ran into their second problem. Everything was so expensive! They needed money (mostly for food) and it seemed like they needed a lot of it. So, Billy whipped out a solid gold brick he had gotten from a faerie that he traded with, and headed to a pawn shop.
Billy: “Sir, I’m in need of money.”
Store Clerk(SC): “Oh, uh…” *looks around the shop for Billy’s parents and doesn’t see them* “Well, you’ve come to the right place. You got something you wanna sell, little man?”
Billy: “Yes. This.” *places his brick on the counter*
*silence*
SC: “Is that real?”
Billy: “Yes?”
SC: *looks at him suspiciously*
The Store Clerk ran many tests on the gold. It left Billy’s foot tapping in anticipation and impatience. Eventually, the man finished.
SC: *just dumbfounded* “This is the goldest gold I’ve ever run into in my life…”
Billy: “Is that good?”
SC: “For you, yes. For me… I don’t know. I don’t even know if the shop has enough money to buy this to you.”
Billy: “Oh that’s fine. I’ll take however much you can give me without bankrupting yourself.”
SC: “I… are you sure, kid?”
Billy: “Yeah. Now, I’m kinda in a hurry so…”
With that, they acquired money.
They proceeded to treat themselves to some McDonald’s and go right back on the road. This put an end to their first week of the road trip. This also meant that Captain Marvel was gone for a week. Because of him being completely radio silent, the JL got concerned for their friend. So they gave him a call on the comm.
Mary: *driving, barely obeying traffic laws*
Freddy: *chilling out in the truck bed*
Billy: *sitting in the passengers seat when he suddenly startles and reaches a hand into his pocket dimension*
Mary: “You got a call?”
Billy: *pulls out his comm* “Uh… yeah.”
Mary: *pulls over*
Freddy: *leans over the side of the truck* “What’s wrong? Why’d we stop?”
Billy: “Got a call. Shazam!”
Marvel: *answers* “Hey, Flash. What’s up?”
Meanwhile, at the Watchtower…
JL: *all crowded around Flash’s comm*
Back with the Trio…
(Bold = they’re talking through Flash’s comm)
MM: *clears throat* “Captain. We’ve called you because we are concerned.”
Marvel: “Oh.” *confused as to why J’onn answered the phone, but whatever* “Thanks? Why?”
GL: “You’ve been gone for nearly a week, man? Did you get sucked into another dimension again?”
Marvel: “Nope! I’m on a road trip with Mary and Junior. Didn’t I tell you guys that?”
Aquaman: “Uh… No?? Geez, you’ve never taken time out to spend with those kids. Not in the… what? Six years we’ve known you?”
Marvel: “Huh. Now that I think about it, I really haven’t.”
Thankfully, he talked with the JL for a bit and told them (roughly) how long he’ll be gone.
The three kids had a blast driving around the states and their last stop was (unfortunately for some people, not them) Gotham.
Billy: “Uh…” *looking up at the menu* “Can I have three Bat-Mite Meals— those are the ones that come with toys, right?”
Cashier: “Yup. So, three Bat-Mite Meals.” *taps the register a couple times* “Will that be all?”
Billy: “Uh…” *looks back up at the menu*
In the background, the cashier watched as Mary and Freddy, who were chilling in the back of the truck, suddenly had a knife pulled on them by some random dude trying to car/truck jack them. The cashier also watched as the carjacker was flung back by some mysterious force (the truck had protective wards on it for situations like this) and crashed into the window of the Batburger.
Billy: “Uh………. Yeah that’ll be it.”
And Gotham was certainly interesting to the trio. They even got to meet Robin!
Mary and Freddy: *chilling in the truck bed*
Robin!Damian: *slips somehow and fucking crash lands onto their windshield, rolls up and over the truck*
Billy, Mary, Freddy: *horrified/gobsmacked*
Mary: *somehow bats him out of the air with Freddy’s crutch*
Robin!Damian: *lands in the truck bed*
It was after that that they pulled over and Billy got into the truck bed to see what in the world hit the windshield while he was driving because he was took startled to get a good enough look. That’s how they ended up circling Damian.
Freddy: “Hey. Buddy.” *smacking Damian’s cheek*
Billy: “You guys don’t think we killed Robin, do you?”
Mary: “No…? I’m pretty sure the truck killed him.”
Robin!Damian: *stirs*
Freddy: “Guys, he’s not even dead.”
Mary and Billy: “What?”
Damian, now registering that he was in the back of a truck, surrounded by kids his age, immediately freaked out and withdrew his katana. He immediately listed off some vile threats to their well-being before he scampered away before any of the Batsons or Freddy could get a word in.
All in all, it was a great road trip.
Billy likes his vacations. Unfortunately, for the JL these vacations always come across as spontaneous. To Billy and fawcitizens it isn’t, but to them it is. As a result, this can be a problem sometimes when they need him:
Marvel: *on Neptune, standing in the diamond rain, awestruck and snapping a bunch of photos*
Flash: *calls him on the JL comm*
Marvel: *answers* “ y’ello?”
Flash: “Dude, where are you?!”
Marvel: “What?”
I must preface his conversation by stating that the sound of diamond rain that moves at 11,000 miles/18,000 kilometers an hour has to be pretty loud.
Flash: “You need to get back to earth!”
Marvel: “WHAT?”
Flash: “I SAID YOU NEED TO GET BACK TO EARTH!”
Marvel: “HOLD ON A SECOND!” *plugs an ear with one of his pinkies and holds the comm against the other ear* “NOW TALK.”
Flash: “GET TO EARTH! NOW PREFERABLY!”
Marvel: “WHY? I’M ON VACATION.”
Flash: “VACA— DUDE, ITS LITERALLY HELL ON EARTH AND YOU’RE ON VACATION?!”
Marvel: “UH… YEAH?”
Flash: “GET OVER HERE!”
This isn’t even including the random stuff he brings back from wherever…
Marvel: “Mr. Batman Sir?”
Batman: “Yes, Captain?”
Marvel: “You like Gray Ghost, right?” *holding something behind his back*
Batman: “Yes…? How’d you find out about tha—”
Marvel: “Tada!” *presents him a figuring of an alien trust as Gray Ghost*
*silence*
Batman: *takes it and examines it* “How interesting, I don’t recall any of the movies having a scene where he turns into an alien.”
Marvel: “Oh that’s because they don’t.”
*more silence*
Batman: “Captain, did you take an alien figurine and then steal the clothes from a Gray Ghost figurine, combine them and then give it to me?”
Marvel: “What? No?”
Batman: “Then why does he…”
Marvel: “Oh, that’s because he’s a Dirutig Gray Ghost.”
Batman: “What.”
Marvel: “Yeah, a lot of alien species have their own version of him just slightly different. I visited the Dirutig’s planet, saw it and I remembered that you liked it so I got it for you.”
Batman: “…are you saying that the Gray Ghost is universal?”
Marvel: “Yes.”
Marvel also offered to take him to a convention happening on another planet just for that planet’s Gray Ghost. Bruce said yes.
or
At the Watchtower…
Marvel: “Hey guys! I’m back!”
Wondy: “Oh? From your vacation to planet Strella?”
Marvel: “Yup! I found some pretty rocks on the way.” *starts passing them out* “GL gets the green one, obviously.”
GL: “Thanks.” *tosses it up and down a few times*
Supes: *starts feeling queasy and is confused*
Marvel: “Mr. Superman Sir can have the blue one.”
Supes: “Thanks… ‘ppreciate it.”
Marvel: “Diana gets orange!”
Wondy: “Thank you. I shall display it in my apartment.”
Batman: *has finally pieced together that he’s giving them Kryptonite*
Marvel: “And Mr. Batman Sir unfortunately gets to have rainbow. I would’ve given him black if I’d found any.”
Supes; *face plants into the desk*
Wondy: “Clark??”
Batman: “How in the world did you possibly manage to discover a new type of Kryptonite?”
Marvel: “Huh?”
In conclusion, all of the JL hate it whenever he comes back or leaves for vacations.
Because Billy is a champion of magic, he has access to almost all magic. This includes magic across various cultures and times. Some forgotten, some still practiced. Some old, some new. Point is, if it’s been done, he can do it, and he does everything anytime it can benefit him.
Flash: “Is that a doll…?”
Marvel: “Huh?” *doesn’t look away from the doll as he stuffs some hair into it*
Flash: “Is that a doll?”
Marvel: “Uh… yes. Yes it is.”
Flash: “Okay…?”
*silence*
Marvel: *starts sewing the doll back up*
Flash: “So why are you making a doll with someone’s hair in it?”
Marvel: “You know voodoo, right?” *hands him a needle*
Flash: “Yeah? So is that a voodoo doll?” *absentmindedly takes it*
Marvel: *moves Barry’s hand holding the needle until it’s above the doll* “Yup. It’s of my archenemy.”
Flash: “Wait really? But this guy has barely any hair? Isn’t Adam’s luscious—”
Marvel: *forces the hand down, jamming the needle into one of the doll’s legs*
or
GL: “Dude, why are you writing on a stone tablet?”
Marvel: “I’m modifying a curse so I can place it on someone else.”
GL: “Wha…? What curse?”
Marvel: “Some Italian guy from a long time ago wrote on a stone tablet about how a his lover’s rivals couldn’t never be more successful than him.”
GL: “Oh. Okay…?”
Marvel: “So now I’m modifying it so that I can use it on someone else.”
GL: “Who made you so made that you’d not only modify a curse for them, but also write it on a stone tablet and use a burnt stick as a pencil.”
Marvel: “Someone who used to be family.”
GL: “Used to be family?? What’d they do”
Marvel: “Steal from me.”
or
Marvel: *muttering, looking crazed and leaned over a table looking at a bunch of calendars and starcharts*
Blue Beetle(BB) and Booster Gold(BG): *peering around a corner*
BB: “He’s been at that for hours…”
BG: “I know! He yelled at me until I ran away when I went to ask about it.”
BB: “Oh. That’s good.”
BG: “What? Why would that be good??”
BB: “That means he’ll bring either apology cake, pie, or cupcakes.”
BG: “Wha— oh yeah, actually that’s great.”
BB: “What was he doing anyways? Did you ever find out?”
BG: “Kinda? He yelled something about divining, then good fortune, then bad fortune, then something in Japanese I think.”
BB: “Huh. Well, I got no clue what that means.”
BG: “Me neither.”
Onmyōdō is used to find good fortune. Billy was trying to see if he could try and do the opposite and divine what would bring bad fortune. He was then gonna pull up on the guy and absently watch them have a shitty day.
By the way, all of this was on Ebenezer.
Multiple kid heroes have met Billy at various fights. None of them know that Billy is the same Billy and that all of them have befriended Billy too. This has happened across multiple generations.
Billy: *runs into an alley to transform*
Robin!Dick: *finishes beating up some goons*
Billy: *pauses*
Robin!Dick: *also pauses*
*silence*
Robin!Dick: “What are doing here?” *looks Billy up and down*
Billy: “Uh… I wanted to uh… take a short cut?”
Robin!Dick: “You don’t sound so sure that yourself.”
Billy: “But I was!”
Robin!Dick: “Right… well, listen why don’t you go on home, kid?”
Billy: “Kid? Aren’t we the same age?” *swears he remembers Batman saying something like that*
To be precise, Billy had heard Batman mention to Superman that Robin was entering middle school. Billy was pretty sure he was middle school age himself.
Robin!Dick: “Pssh… no. I’m totally older than you.”
They argued for a bit but somehow that led to a friendship? The two weren’t entirely sure how that happened. Anyways, they hung out whenever Billy came to Gotham for whatever reasons, of course with Dick still in costume.
This proceeded to happen multiple times with other kiddy heroes. Such as Superboy II.
Jon: “Are you one of Da- er Robin’s brothers?”
Billy: “What? No, what are you talking about?”
Later…
Jon and Billy: *drinking smoothies*
This has also happened to Kid Flash when Billy was in Central City chasing a story.
Billy: *walking down the road and spills his drink on the ground* “Aw dang it.”
Kid Flash: *speeds by and fucking SLIPS and crashes into a building*
Billy: “OH MY GODS??” *horrified and rushes over* “ARE YOU OKAY???”
They got chili dogs.
Anyways, one day, let’s say a JL meeting happened and there were also some kiddy heroes there for whatever reason too. Somehow, Billy came up in a conversation between Wally, now Flash, and Dick, who was now Nightwing.
Nightwing: “I mean, yeah. I had this friend named Billy. And I used to hang out with him all the time in costume back when I was Robin.”
Flash: “Wait, really? I also knew this kid named Billy who I used to hang out with in costume!”
Nightwing: “Really?” *is joking* “Was his last name Batson?”
Flash: “Yeah!” *pauses* “Wait, how do you know that?”
Jon: *floats over, eating a chalupa* “Yeah, how do you guys know Billy?”
Chaos ensues.
Jon says he’s the ghost of “that one Robin that died” and Dick looks at him horrified while Wally lowkey believes him.
There's a betting pool in the League on who can seduce Captain Marvel. And there's a lot of money involved. Almost everyone is trying to flirt. They all think they can get the big guy into bed.
Billy is a little confused by the behavior of some of his colleagues. They all talk to him so strangely sometimes, wiggling their eyebrows. Is this normal among adults? Should he copy this style of communication and talk like them?
Captain Marvel flirting back with them. He flirts with them, using their lines and his innocent big guy energy. It hits them hard.
He’s got game that he doesn’t care to use 😔 anything past flirting and boy is out of there in milliseconds