Grey's chaotic wonderland

Random intro, cause I feel different.

Hey im Grey, the co-host of the collective.

Bodily 18 (06' baby)

My pronouns are he/they/it/cat/fox/death/void

I don't know my gender, just know it's not cis.

I'm also a femboy and a drag queen.

I'm panromantic, demisexual, T4T, and polyamorus.

I'm a small artist and writer, hoping to be a famous artist or writer eventually.

I'm part of a collective if 20ish alters.

I'm the core/original of our collective.

We are a originally Truamagenic system, with endogenic/willowgenic alters.

ACAB

Trans rights (and wrongs)

BLM

Women's rights

Pro endo

When in doubt, use they/them for us.

Mostly just me, Damian (he/him), and Aj (he/it).

Dni: anti endo, T.R.A.S.H, DSMP stans, Mr. Beast fans, pro-shippers, anti-ACAB, "wHaT wErE you wEaRiNg" bs people.

Fandoms we are in: life seires, hermitcraft, fnaf, undertales, lego ninjago, simpsons, minecraft, game theory, lucifer, hamilton, good omens, inside job, the good place.

Favorite youtubers: nightcove_thefox, matpat, emkay, grian, goodtimes with scar, solidaritygaming, ldshadowlady.

~Grey (he/they/it) ??yo co-host

What is wrong with me?

Okay, so I need to get this off my chest. And I feel like something is wrong with me.

So, I'm AFAB. Been saying I'm trand masc/Agender for a few years now.

But I've never felt either of thoses as my gender, I feel like I should be a girl or close to a girl. But not in a cis way, or demi girl.

Like, I wish I was AMAB so I could eithet be a cis femboy, or be a trans women.

Like I know, if I wanted to do that I should just consider being cis. But being cis just seems so wrong to me, It makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

But I like being femme, I like dressing up and being pretty. But I also like using He/They/It pronouns and wearing a binder and being referred to as male.

But if I had a choice, I would be born male and be a femboy.

(I'm sorey for any mistakes or misspelled words)

I don't know what to post here. I have a writing blog, but idk what to post on this blog.

He kind of was. And sorta a rapist.

My name is greyson nyx khaos Amethyst

I choose this name

Every part of it has meaning

It represents me

Nyx is the Greek god/diety of the night and darkness

Khaos is the Greek god/diety of chaos

Amethyst was given to me by an ex friend.

Greyson is a Masculine version of my middle name.

Every part of my name has meaning, every part of my name is me.

I am Greyson Nyx Khaoz Amethyst

I'm no one's toy, I am a threat to God, I will not put up with someone disrespecting me.

I am no ones girl, I am me.

Back for real this time

And here to vent

Alot has happened since last I was here, like me breaking up with my boyfriend, for good.

First, he gets a new gf and tells me thar he told her that we were engaged, I talked to his new gf and she told me he never told her that.

Second, predator behavior, including thinking its okay to like lolis, dating me when I was 16 and he was 19

Third, transphobic and homophobic, he never thought of me as a guy, sent me horrible transphobia or hemophic memes, and only called me a boy when he was getting sexual favors from me.

Fourth, guilt tripping me in to giving him sexual stuff, even after the told him I didn't like doing that stuff or telling him I was asexual. He would wait until I was little or one of the littles came around and ask or force us to do sexual stuff.

Fifth, he never cared about my feelings or how I felt. When I told him what's going on with my grandma he asked "is it worse then being raped"

I'm back bitchess

Why csnt I ever be good enough

I just want to be good enough

I want to be happy

I want to be loved

I want to be wanted

Merry Christmas to me, everyone I want to spend time with are states away.. I hate myself I want to cry but nothing will come out.

I can't help anyone, I csnt even help myself

Why won't people actually believe how much I'm hurting, that I'm not trying to get attention, thst I'm actually in pain, I'm not being dramatic, I'm not being lazy, it hurts to walk, it hurts to even wake up, my body hurts 24/7. But if I tell someone that, they'll just tell me to take pain relief, that only helps alittle.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm so close to find a blade again, to end it.

I don't know how to go on, I'm in so much pain.

I want someone to actually understand that, not just tell me that I'm lazy.

I know I'm fcking lazy, I try my best, I just can't get stuff done.

I try my best, but I get distracted easily and I forget stuff so much. I can barely remember to take my medicine and half the time I don't remember that.

I need someone to take care of me, I never had a childhood, I need someone to teach me.

Not someone who shames me for knowing how to do stuff, or yells at me for forgetting stuff..

I'm just so done, I don't know what to do. I'm so tired

I just want to sleep forever, I want to rest anf actually feel okay.

Why must I have so many emotions, I just can't handle them anymore, I want to cry and yell and be angry and be sad and jealous with out feeling broken..

I'm scared... I'm scared that if I show who I really am, no one will love me...that I will die alone and no one will care...that as soon as I'm gone everyone will forget about me....

I'm so tired..I wish I had a mom, not the one I had. One that actually cared, that didn't shame me for being depressed and didn't yell at me for cvttting. Who actually loved me, not beat me for every little thing, that didn't starve me as a punishment... I want a mom, I need my mom, but my mom isn't who I want... I want someone to love me..... I want someone to just hug me and just hold me until I feel ok..

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With all the discussions of recoloring stuff, I made my own

Original artist: Megrocks

I will be deleting hate

Is it bad that I dont feel anything when someone dies? Or when someone breaks up with me? Or anything like that

I'm watching a new show after watching the good place a million times.

The show I'm watching has alot of same actors and same director as the good place, but alot of similarity.

And I have a theory.

Spoilers for "man on the inside"

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Ugh.

So one of my friends are visiting me after Christmas.

My grandma just got mad at me and started using my friend visiting as a threat.

Like, "how can I keep a friendship if my room is a mess"

Or my cousin keeps stealing stuff at me and I got upset and yelled at her, my grandma came in and said "if this is how you treat guests, maybe you shouldn't have friends"

Like wtf

I tried to make fan art for zombie cleo

Just a nice meme