A recent survey has found that Finnish parents’ worst fear is that someone will harm or treat their child poorly. 63 percent of the parents polled were plagued by this apprehension, while worries about their child being teased or falling ill tied for second place at 59 percent.
The poll assessing the fears and concerns of over 600 parents in Finland with children under 18 was commissioned for an Yle talk show and was conducted by the pollster Taloustutkimus in September.
“I heard a suspicious-looking vehicle was driving through the neighbourhood and the school warned about it. I wondered what kinds of dangers it could present, and how I could prepare my child - and what I was prepared to do,” said one respondent, a mother of three.
The fear that young people might fall in with the wrong crowd during their teenage years came in fifth on the list, at 49 percent, behind the fear that their child would be killed.
“I’m afraid I’ll fail in my upbringing and my children will end up going down a bad road. Although I am aware that I won’t be able to influence these things forever,” said a mother of two.
Psychologist: All parents worry
The survey reveals that single parents share the same fears as all parents. One additional worry is what would happen to the children should they themselves become ill or die. Single parents are also more frightened of potential financial difficulties.
Psychologist Tuovi Keränen says the results of the survey are not surprising and reveal typical parental concerns. These concerns are a natural part of being a parent, she says, but they shouldn’t grow to dominate parents’ lives.
“I’ve never met a parent in my line of work that doesn’t fear for the welfare of his or her children. When you make the decision to become a parent, fear and worry are part of the package. It is the price we pay, we have to come face to face with our fears,” she says.
The survey suggests that parents under 35 with children under seven are the most worried about their kids. Once their offspring reach school age, the concerns seem to abate.
What would ease their fears?
One-third (36 percent) of the respondents says that their fears would probably be relieved somewhat if the media stopped its continual feed of threat scenarios. For example, fears about vaccination side-effects can be alleviated with programme about the necessity of the protective shots.
“My fear is other parents’ indifference and irresponsibility. A group on social media decides not to let their children take the vaccinations recommended by the authorities. Perhaps I’m afraid that there will be epidemics in Finland because of it,” writes one father.
Psychologist Keränen agrees that fear is an infectious emotion.
“I think that the good sides of parenting should be emphasized more in the media. The kind of love that you receive from a child can’t be had anywhere else, but you don’t see many stories about that in the mainstream media.”
Money and sleep would also help
Many parents (34 percent) mention that if their economic situation were to improve, they would have fewer worries. Single parents in particular wished they had more support in their everyday life and parenting responsibilities.
After the media onslaught, money issues and shared responsibility, the fourth-most common parental reply to the question of what factors would reduce their fears would be if parents weren’t blamed continuously for everything. 23 percent of parents mentioned this as an issue.
Parents of children under six were of the opinion that their feelings of anxiety would be eased if they simply weren’t so tired. The fifth-most popular response, at 22 percent, was the simple act of getting more sleep.
Keränen says just talking with others is a big help:
“When people are able to open their mouth and express their fears, half of them are already relieved. Sharing your concerns with others definitely reduces them. It is a good idea to share any feelings: whether fear, joy or delight.”