thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it’s a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I’m working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it’s okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I’m failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I’m doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it’s such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.
sorry to put your tags on blast on this insane breach containment post I have since muted, but you’re right and you should say it.
This post legitimately knocked me out of a doomscroll. Had to put down my phone and everything and stare at a wall.
I really do regret my inaction the most. Every time. All of my future problems are always caused by things I failed to do in the present. And every time, I get so mad at past Me for not even trying because I’m so afraid to fail.
Like. Damn. Didn’t expect pixel art of some planets to hit me so hard.
taboo kinks like pedophilia/rape/incest are not innate to transfemininity or to queerness or to autism and this current wave of attempts to naturalize them as such is alarming and suspicious
