A little fact about myself: I have multiple degrees in Classics, and nearly earned my doctorate in it as well (it turns out a bad job market kills one's motivation to write a dissertation). Once upon a time, I soaked up the glory that was Troy and Alexander and 300. Sure, they took liberties with the source material. Sure, they reeked of Orientalism, sexism, and gratuitous violence. But so did the works of Homer, Xenophon, Herodotus, and Plutarch. I used…
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My Winnipeg 2007
"Ah, another black-and-white surrealist film. How original. I know where this film is going," Chris Bravo arrogantly thinks to himself. "This really won't be about Winnipeg, will it? I bet he won't even mention the Jets."
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My hometown is Los Angeles. Or, more precisely, a little suburb about 45 minutes south of Downtown L.A. that recently contained more Mexican-Americans per capita than any other city in the country. I lived a mile away from the oldest operating McDonald's in…
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Twisted Pair 2018
So… who was the sparkling stripper fairy?
Amateur actors and low-budget effects are one thing, but an indecipherable, nonsensical script is a whole other conversation. Also, did he think we wouldn’t notice multiple characters being playing by different characters in different scenes?
Just so many bad decisions made this the longest 1 1/2 hours of my life.
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Mazes and Monsters 1982
This an actually a religious PSA warning kids against the evils of the world. But instead of disparaging premarital sex, this movie enlightens its audience about the dangers of Dungeons & Dragons. “Playing Mazes and Monsters will turn you into a NYC sewer hobo! Just ask Tom Hanks!”
Sadly, Hanks has all the charisma of one of those Christian PSA actors—flat and boring, just like the rest of the cast.
Yes, I did go to a Catholic school growing up, why?
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Cure 1997
Impeccable sound design.
If there was one thing I will always remember about Kiyoshi Kurosawa's 1997 film, Cure, it will be the film's sound production. At first, the movie felt oddly silent. I was almost bored due to the fact that there was barely any musical scoring, and there were just innocuous buzzes and drumming and brrrrrrs. Until about the halfway point, and it all made sense. The buzzes and drumming and brrrrrrs were purposeful. The lack of orchestral music…
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The World of Us 2016
Oh god, this movie absolutely crushed me.
On the surface, it is a simple movie about a little girl and her struggles making friends. But for me, while I was watching it, it was about my childhood struggles to make friends. And then, it was about my anxieties about my oldest daughter as she prepares to enter school herself.
Growing up, I was always a bit shy and bookwormish and standoffish when first meeting someone. I would make friends on…
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