Join me on my journey to become the most pretentious guy on this entire website.
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Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping 2016
This movie has gone triple platinum in my household. It uses nearly every second of its run time to tell or setup a joke, which is an economic style of comedy writing you sadly don’t see as much in films these days. That’s not to say Popstar is insincere, as it sheds light on many important issues such as soggy bone syndrome and LGBT rights, but it maintains an atmosphere of lighthearted silliness throughout that I very much appreciate.
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Dune: Part Two 2024
Why exactly are they fighting over this “spice” stuff in the first place? As far as I’m aware white people have no interest in spice. Hell, they don’t even wash their chicken with motor oil! So then why are they so obsessed? Is it because it makes your eyes blue? I don’t like it. It makes them look like JD Vance, which makes me feel very uncomfortable. I just wish everyone could get along.
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The Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson 2019
I saw O.J. Simpson at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my…Translated from by -
Stuart Little 1999
I fucking hate Stuart Little. I know what you’re thinking, this is some kind of funny joke, but no. Stuart Little is a piece of shit. A damn rat got picked over actual children at an orphanage and he’s supposed to be a hero? And I can’t even tell you how many damn times I’ve seen a great parking space only to turn the corner and realise Stuart Little is already parked there in his stupid little fucking convertible. He…
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