Things of note:
•Eccentric
•Fun cameos
•SZA smashes it
•”They. Didn’t. Take. Heed.”
•Palmer is a charm machine
•Nobody can play annoying like Mejia can
•Nothing will prepare you for the blood bank
However:
•Constantly resolves itself a bit too easily
•Looks like a music video (not a compliment)
•Generic end of act 2 friends-fall-out comedy trope
Things of note:
•Disney is running out of films to remake
However:
•Webb is a hack
•Zegler is dogshit
•The new songs are awful
•Oh my god they hired little people as extras
•The iconic dress looks ridiculous in live action
•The dwarves are abominations, especially Dopey - bro is nightmare fuel
•Why can’t a film released in 2025 do a single thing better than a film almost 100 years old?
•Oh she’s called Snow White because she was born…
Things I did not fuck with:
The opening crawl reads like a fan film
It feels like we’ve missed a film before this one
The sheer amount of cuts in the first ten minutes alone
I’m pretty sure the film needs to give an epilepsy warning due to how scatterbrained the editing is
They don’t justify how Palpatine survived hahahahahaha
Episodes I-VI now amount to nothing
Adam Driver, maybe the best actor working today can’t save this script. He’s too…
Things I fucked with:
The fact I’m going home to rewatch Licorice Pizza
Things I did not fuck with:
Everyone is a caricature
Teenagers do not speak like this
It’s not scary or tense whatsoever
The screenplay actually offended me
Hawke is in a completely different film
Laughable effort setting this in the 70’s
Whoever “played” the dad needs to retire
Maybe the worst read dialogue I’ve ever heard
Derrickson gave the badass kid a bandana hahahaha
