This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
I figured immediately that Jack being the serial killer would pan out a red herring, that either Rick, acting in a fugue state, or the uppity morality cop Sidney would be revealed as the true perpetrator. I don't consider myself anything approaching a sleuth, so if I'm able to see your twist coming, you done fumbled the ball, son.
I suppose it was somewhat neat to see James Spader play a dual role as twins. It's hardly executed in a…
I watched a 182-minute fan-edit. Even at that length, this film felt rushed/underdeveloped. Characters — notably Boone and especially Ashberry — simply weren't fleshed out enough. The decision to portray a notable portion of the Nightbreed as lecherous/cannibalistic monsters wasn't the best one if the audience is meant to sympathize with them (you can make the argument that as a marginalized/oppressed minority, their hostility toward humans is an example of hate that hate produced, but we're never shown the Nightbreed in their "natural" state, so the point is moot).
On the plus side, the practical effects are mouthwatering. Also, Cronenberg missed his calling as an ASMRtist.
PROS
The stargates have pronged upper chevrons, just like in the original film.
The chevrons don’t glow, just like in the original film.
The Goa’uld & Abydans speak ancient Egyptian rather than English/made-up gibberish, just like in the original film.
The miscellaneous other tidbits which hearken back to the original film.
Sarah Navratil’s curves.
CONS
The writing.
The direction.
The characterization.
The humour.
The production values.
The pointlessness.
I think this is the most perfectly mediocre movie I have ever watched in my life. Everything about it — the uninspired plot, cypher-like characters, mundane pace, average direction — is just so … so … utterly uncaptivating without being the least bit infuriating. I almost commend the director for attaining such a nirvana of adequacy.
