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  The Gorge 2025

  ★½ Watched 09 Mar 2025

  Like if someone typed “HP Lovecraft” + “manic pixie dream girl” into an AI prompt and then handed Anya Taylor-Joy the script and a bag of edibles at gunpoint. Positively dreadful. And I’m up for shit like this.

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  The Three Musketeers 2011

  ★★★ Watched 19 Feb 2024

  To be clear, this film is not a 3 out of 5. If I had to rate it on the strength of its script, direction or fight choreography, I’d give it a negative 8 out of 5000 stars. It is one of the most poorly executed, deeply confusing, charmlessly bizarre movies I’ve ever seen and one that manages to be an insult to all period pieces, all comedies, and several sub genres of action movies all at once. And yet……

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  The Abyss 1989

  ★★★½ Watched 24 Jan 2024

  Let me start by saying that I agonized over adding the extra half star to take this to a 4. Nostalgically and in SO many (of its many) moments it’s a solid gold 4, even a 5! The effects! The wedding ring! The white and blue wires! Every time Ed Harris calls Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio a bitch, which weirdly holds up somehow! Which is absolutely why I’d recommend anyone watch it - and on the big screen re release if…

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