I watch a lot of films.
Have seen every Nic Cage movie and didn't lose my mind.
Like making a list or two.
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Don't Sell My Baby 2023
Don’t Sell My Baby is a Lifetime movie about teenage pregnancy directed by Roxanne Boisvert and starring Devin Cecchetto and Fallon Bowman. I didn’t watch this by accident, I actually put it on of my own free will. Why? Well, let me tell you…
Let me take you back to the late 1990s, when I was but an innocent teenage lad with a liking for rock/metal and hot girls who could play an instrument. A musical instrument, just to be…
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Lilya 4-ever 2002
Lilya 4-ever is a Swedish film set predominantly in Russia, written and directed by Lukas Moodysson and starring a fifteen year old Oksana Akinshina. It deals with poverty, sex trafficking and hopelessness. It’s unremittingly bleak.
Beware **Spoilers** ahead, as I found it almost impossible to sum this film up without recounting a great deal of the abject miseries inflicted upon the main two characters.
Akinshina, the star of my favourite film of last year, ‘Sputnik,’ takes on the role of…
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Black Bag 2025
Black Bag is the thirty-fourth feature film listed in the filmography of Michael Fassbender. It’s a spy thriller directed by Steven Soderbergh and co-starring Cate Blacnhett. I really liked it. I can’t remember the last time I said that about a new movie.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I watched this almost immediately after ‘In The Lost Lands’ and almost anything would seem like a masterpiece after that, but we also have Fassbender leaning into his blank inhuman qualities, Blanchett…
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In the Lost Lands 2025
In the Lost Lands is a fantasy movie adapted from a George R. R. Martin short story by famed director of shit movies Paul WS Anderson. As is Anderson’s wont, the film stars his wife Milla Jovovich and she’s joined this time around by big Dave Bautista.
I’m a total mark for the particular brand of trash that ol’ Paul and Milla make, I quite like the writing of George R. R. Martin and I’ve watched some professional wrestling over…
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Chernobyl: Abyss 2021
Chernobyl: Abyss is a Russian film about the Chernobyl disaster directed by and starring Danila Kozlovsky alongside Oksana Akinshina as his love interest.
It’s almost impossible to watch this movie without the excellent HBO miniseries covering the same disaster competing for attention in your head. The aesthetic similarities between the two projects are numerous, but also almost entirely superficial. Whereas the miniseries was an in-depth and realistic examination of both the political and humanitarian elements of the disaster, this Russian…
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Marching Powder 2025
Marching Powder is a Cockney wet-dream You-Slaaaag-It-Up written and directed by Nick Love and starring Sir Daniel Dyer. I think it’s supposed to be funny, and possibly even romantic, but only if you consider women standing by husbands that encourage their pre-teen kids to OD on drugs and treat them like shit after football matches, both charming and sweet.
On a day when most folk were heading to the cinema to watch the new Bong Joon-ho movie, I instead went…
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