VHS hipster prick with over 4000 tapes and counting. Check out my quest to preserve the obsolete over on Instagram.
I really like Twister.
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The Electric State 2025
Chris Pratt pretend dipping his Twinkie in beans is the worst food miming since Kristen Stewart put ketchup on her fries.
Like if you took Ready Player One and shoved it into The Lovely Bones and then spent half the run time just repeatedly telling the audience what they were supposed to be thinking.
I felt NOTHING.
Listen, I'm just some guy, I've never made a movie.
But if you're handed more money than the GDP of some countries and you need to end your movie with a monologue explaining the premise, maybe you shouldn't be making movies.
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AGGRO DR1FT 2023
I mean, I always like when movies have lots of vibes, and this is nothing BUT vibes, so it was pretty solid in that regard.
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A Very English Christmas 2023
There are Hallmark Christmas movies, then there are Lifetime Christmas movies, and then there are Netflix Christmas movies.
And then there are Christmas movies without a home. Birthed screaming into the frozen night covered in a bitter candy cane effluence.
The inverse Shepard tone.
Like girl you hijacked your sister's wedding to show off for a client and fucked over the romantic lead, YOU DON'T GET TO BE SAD THAT HE CALLED YOU OUT ON YOUR BULLSHIT.
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House of Dead: Director's Cut 2008
Half the movie is outtakes, and the other half is people intentionally hamming it up. It's basically an extended "Blooper Reel" you'd find on a DVD.
But there is one moment so glorious I cannot help but give it four stars. As his fellow cast members are standing around (maybe waiting for someone to say action?) Tyron Leitso stumbles out of the trees with a mouth full of food and mumble shouts "THAT is the biggest craft services table I…
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