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Before Sunrise 1995
Before Sunrise is a pathetic little lie of a film—an unbearably earnest, self-indulgent, hopelessly romantic con job. But the worst part? It almost had me.
Richard Linklater’s direction is subtle, the dialogue meanders like an aimless daydream, and Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy perform with the kind of raw sincerity that makes you feel like you’re eavesdropping on something real. And yet, it’s insufferable. The whole film is just two attractive, overeducated pseudo-intellectuals wandering through Vienna, having the kind of…
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Wicked 2024
This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
“That’s my lime” 🍋🟩 🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥
Jon M. Chu’s Wicked is anything but wicked. There’s something poetic—tragic, really—about a movie based on one of Broadway’s most beloved musicals managing to strip away every ounce of its charm, wit, and depth. Jon M. Chu’s Wicked isn’t just a letdown; it’s a 2-hour-and-40-minute insult to anyone who ever hummed Defying Gravity in their shower. This bloated, lifeless spectacle is so self-satisfied, it dares you to hate it. Challenge accepted.
Where to even start…
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Crimewave 1985
There are two types of people in this world: those who understand the cinematic complexities of Crimewave and those who should stick to CBeebies Bedtime Stories. I mean this with all the love in my heart. To dismiss Sam Raimi's Crimewave as a failure is to admit, loudly and with embarrassing confidence, that you don't understand peak cinema and true maverick filmmaking.
Pacing issues? Please. That’s not a flaw—that’s the point. Raimi respects his audience. This isn’t a movie designed…
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Frances Ha 2012
This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
I would grab that banjo and smash it over her head. That would be pretty funny I think.
Noah Baumbach’s Frances Ha is the cinematic embodiment of being stuck in line behind someone who can’t decide which oat milk matches their vibe. It’s quirky, aimless, and unreasonably proud of itself for doing essentially nothing. For 86 minutes, we’re forced to watch Greta Gerwig’s Frances—a self-destructive Millennial in New York City—flail through life with the grace of a cat in a…
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