Favorite films

Recent reviews

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  E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial 1982

  ½ Watched 01 Jul 2023

  As an extraterrestrial who has spent an excruciatingly tedious 45 years among the supposedly advanced human race, I must say that the film "E.T." is a perfect representation of Earth's utter lack of imagination and dishearteningly low entertainment standards.

  First, the so-called friendly alien portrayed in the film. E.T., or as I like to call him, "Exceedingly Trivial," is a pitiful excuse for an extraterrestrial being. With his wrinkly skin and oversized eyes, he resembles nothing more than an unfortunate…

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  Gandhi 1982

  ½ Watched 30 Jun 2023

  Ah, my dear cinephiles, today I bring you an utterly audacious critique of the timeless cinematic masterpiece, "Gandhi." Brace yourselves, for I am not just any ordinary movie critic—I am an elementary school world history substitute teacher with a twist of Tourette's syndrome.

  Firstly, let us discuss the historical accuracy of this film. As an esteemed scholar in my own mind, I must say that "Gandhi" falls short of my impeccable standards. I mean, come on, did they really think…

Popular reviews

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  Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny 2023

  ½ Watched 30 Jun 2023

  As an archaeologist who has lost both legs in an unfortunate accident, I can confidently say that Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is a perfect embodiment of everything that can go wrong when the art of archaeology collides with the realm of cinema. This film left me questioning the very foundations of my profession, not to mention my life choices leading up to this point.

  Harrison Ford's portrayal of Indiana Jones, a supposedly renowned archaeologist, is about as…

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  The Godfather 1972

  ½ Watched 30 Jun 2023

  "The Godfather: A Slice of Disappointment"

  Oh boy, where do I even begin with "The Godfather"? Let me tell you, I was in for a surprise when I ordered what I thought was a delicious pizza from Godfather Pizza, only to find myself immersed in a world of Italian mobsters and family drama. Let's just say this wasn't the cheesy experience I was expecting.

  First off, the delivery service was absolutely terrible. Instead of receiving a hot and fresh pie…