kieran

kieran Patron

guy what enjoys films

an outlet for clicking my cherry blues. every review is a personal asmr session

Favorite films

  • Tetsuo: The Iron Man
  • The Hole
  • Drive My Car
  • Sleeping Beauty

Recent activity

All
  • 5 Centimeters per Second

    ★★★

  • Naked Weapon

    ★★★★

  • Sleepaway Camp

    ★★★★

  • Truck Turner

    ★★★★

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  • Morning Patrol

    Morning Patrol

    ★★★★★

    apocalyptic video game traversal through endless night cities and the blastwaste that lies beyond their walls; a woman wanders, surviving.

    nothing is like this. perfect visual poetry accompanying prose ripped straight out of pulpy mastertexts, translated into greek, spoken beautifully. a mode of adaptation entirely its own. this is what you get when a master experimental filmmaker decides his movies could use a few more shotguns.

    and it all culminates in love! true, sickening, beautiful, bloody, boiling, vicious love!

    I…

  • Guinea Pig Part 2: Flower of Flesh and Blood

    Guinea Pig Part 2: Flower of Flesh and Blood

    ★★★

    in 2019, a woman named Bianca Devins was murdered by an online stalker. gruesome photos of her body were circulated on discord and 4chan. on the day the story was reported, the photos dominated the first page of 4chan's "random" board, along with "tribute" images from like-minded psychotic freaks. I know this, because after reading a local news article about her death, overcome with morbid curiosity, I wondered just how accessible such images really were. fifteen seconds later, I knew…

Recent reviews

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  • 5 Centimeters per Second

    5 Centimeters per Second

    ★★★

    Anime Marches On! 2025, #5/16
    2000s anime, #1/3

    episodic low-concept rough draft of Your Name, the only work of shinkai's I actually like. his bloomed-out sickly-sweetness usually just doesn't work for me. Your Name is his only alchemic miracle; just the right mix of all of his recycled tastes and textures. 5 Centimeters pulls off enough big emotion to be worthwhile... despite making me realize I'm simply too old to care for a cartoon this sappy about eighth graders. no…

  • Naked Weapon

    Naked Weapon

    ★★★★

    according to wikipedia Maggie Q is like a quarter Irish, so Naked Weapon definitely counts as a saint patrick’s day movie.

    from the guy who brought you the choreography of Hero, House of the Flying Daggers, and The Most Important Movie of My Life: SPIDER-MAN (2002), comes this total joyride. kind of a mess, sort of a jigsaw puzzle joined via soldering iron instead of careful deliberation… screw the rules, forget the big picture, the individual pieces are solid gold!

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  • Chimp Crazy

    Chimp Crazy

    ★★★★

    insane woman waves libertarian flag after half of her ear has been gnawed off by a chimpanzee, on a boat bound for her dream island cohabitation with trafficked primates. an image of infinite depth

  • Mickey's Delayed Date

    Mickey's Delayed Date

    ★★★

    wake up and be there for your wife you stupid rat