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they/them non-satirical reviews always guaranteed call me lawyer if caught doing otherwise

Favorite films

All

Poor Things 2023

★★★★★ Watched 11 Jan 2024

first of all, if you see this, do not get fucked up. just see it sober. it’s incredibly difficult to watch, and yet i couldn’t stop looking. emma stone was amazing, as usual, and her ability to capture such a character like bella baxter (a grown woman with the mind of an infant; frankenstein) is absolutely immaculate to observe. many called this movie “soft core porn” and i have to agree to a certain degree. however, i believe that the…
Haunted Mansion 2023

★★½ Watched 31 Jul 2023

literally all my thoughts could be said in one sentence: they could’ve done so much more. i feel that this revival of such a cool ride and movie idea avoids the original beauty and fun of such an essential child and adult experience of disney. it makes a whole new story that, sure, may be alright, but it doesn’t have the same special energy that the ride or the original movie provides. i have always loved the haunted mansion, and…

The Super Mario Bros. Movie 2023

★★★★★ Watched 06 Apr 2023

i took my first steps into the theatre like a newborn experiencing the brand new temperamental environment around me. men in mario costumes surrounded my peripheral, just as women with little babies swirled into my pathway. sitting down and feeling my tush sink into the seat, i knew that this ride was gonna not only be a long one, but one that captured my heart and soul like no other movie has. super mario brothers was outrageously satisfying, yet left…
BEEF 2023

★★★★★ Watched 07 Apr 2023

heartbreak is best defined as the feeling of true betrayal, sadness, or melancholic feelings, but what defines heartache? i know that there is no absolute answer to this, but for me, it is beef. before watching this show, i had no idea what i was getting into. i knew that the beautiful talents of ali wong and the fantastic performance of steven yeun would be blessing my laptop screen, but i had no idea that all parts of my body,…