One thing you can say about Twilight is that it is not boring. There are a billion characters, they’re always saying some crazy shit, and they’re SO HORNY! It took me out of my body in a way that did not give me pleasure but did give me fascination, and when it was over I couldn’t believe it but I felt compelled to watch the next one.
Twilight kept me awake, which honestly is more than I can say for…
It's not the most important Christmas movie, nor the best Christmas movie, nor really a beloved Christmas movie, but it is, technically, a movie.
(This review is excerpted from my new book Shit, Actually: The Definitive, 100% Objective Guide to Modern Cinema, available October 2020, and used with permission from the publisher. I think you should preorder it!)
Objectively, there's only one good movie, and it's The Fugitive. The Fugitive is the best movie because it has the best lines and is never scary, only interesting and exciting. We didn’t need any more movies after The Fugitive. We didn’t need any movies before it either. We should erase those. The Fugitive is the only good movie.
I wanted to call my new book The Fugitive Is the Only Good Movie but my publisher wouldn’t let me, probably because…
Controversial yet objectively factual opinion: Maverick is the villain of Top Gun. We’re clearly supposed to resent Iceman for trying to stifle Maverick's unbelievably bitching bad-boy flying skills in the name of "SAFETY" and "REGARD FOR OTHERS" (boooooo!), but you know what? Maverick is a desperate, narcissistic, posturing, alienating, twerpy little prince with a monomaniacal fixation on personal glory at the expense of the safety of everyone around him, and FURTHERMORE, Iceman literally only says valid, responsible things the entire…
