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The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers 2002
As I mentioned in my review from a long time ago, Two Towers was, and remains, my favorite movie in The Lord of The Rings, which is a bit ironic, considering that it is probably my least favorite book of the trilogy. Tolkien definitely has a powerful imagination as a writer, but the truth is that he was no Shakespeare, and his characters in particular are a weakness. In general, Tolkien had this willfully archaic style, where characters are given…
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The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring 2001
Well, I finally did it. After many years, I finally cracked open my copy of The Lord of the Rings and read the damn thing cover to cover. Naturally, I wanted to return to the film trilogy, since I have always loved it, and because I think now is a good time to reflect on its strengths and weaknesses as an adaptation.
I guess the first thing to say is that Peter Jackson was a very odd choice as director.…
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The Girl Next Door 2007
Fuck this movie. It's so bad im just gonna do full spoilers. Who gives a fuck? I don't.
There are very few movies that I find genuinely offensive, and this is one of them. In it, a teenage girl living with an abusive step family is brutally raped, humiliated, and tortured for the runtime. The movie ends with her being circumcised via blowtorch and then murdered. That's it. If that sounds nasty and exploitative, that's because it is. Though it…
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The Mitchells vs. the Machines 2021
What if family but wacky and relatable?
Barf
This movie has a 80 on Metacritic and a 97% on rotten tomatoes. I can hardly remember the last time so much critical praise was heaped upon such a deeply cynical and ultimately trivial movie. There is nothing original here, and instead we get a deluge of the worst trends of modern animation; dumb chase scenes, cringey zoomer humor, trite social commentary, obnoxious product placements, and lame pop culture references. Even the…
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