There are few things I'm prouder of than my ratings curve
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Den of Thieves 2018
2400 times a year. 44 times a week. 9 times a day. Every 48 minutes. A Bank is robbed here.
Who does your math?
44 banks a week comes out to just under 2300 per year, not 2400. But sure, I can see you padding the numbers by a hundred or so
Then we keep going. If we account for banks being open from 9-5 on Monday through Friday, and from 9-noon on saturday, then we can assume an average…
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When Harry Met Sally... 1989
Men and women cannot be friends.
Men and men cannot be friends.
Women and women cannot be friends.
Friends are not real.
On an unrelated note, I'm very lonely.Translated from by
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Black Bag 2025
This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
A who-dunnit disguised as an espionage-thriller featuring a cast of hyper-competent but irrepressibly-horny characters
I don't even have anything to say about that, I just really wanted to write that out... That's the best pitch
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Pokémon: The First Movie 1998
This brings to light a surprising amount of philosophical considerations regarding the pokemon universe. It also completely fails to examine those themes in any meaningful way. And both sides in this film have a frankly concerning amount of ideological inconsistencies
Sure it bears recognizing that this was made for 10 years olds, but by golly those 10 year olds deserve better thematic cohesion in their formative entertainment
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Hello My Beautiful Creatures 2024
I'm increasingly confused why Joel is so interested in specifically creating feature films. The feature is heavily romanticized among filmmakers but, otherwise, I really don't understand his draw to that specific format.
For once I don't mean this as an insult, but Joel and the feature films seem to be particularly ill-paired to one another. As I watch more of his films, I keep finding myself thinking that they really just want to be shorts. This isn't me trying to…
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The 9th Movie 2024
The framing of this is so disingenuous. It seems to imply that there are 2 options: you can use filmmaking as a form of feel-good masturbation or you can sell out and make corporate shit for acceptance because all people want to see is vfx explosions
But, like, that's not what's happening here. Joel has shot himself in the foot and then decided to run a marathon. Pointing out that you've shot yourself doesn't make shooting yourself in the foot…
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