Someday I will watch a vampire movie that is actually good...
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Underworld 2003
Disappointingly boring, and made me appreciate how much more fun VtM Bloodlines is (which this movie is clearly aping) despite its crunchy 2000s graphics. There are only two (2) actors in this movie who do anything interesting, and Sheen and Nighy aren't onscreen enough to save it. Kate Beckinsale looks cool but does nothing, and her love interest whose name I can't bother to remember could literally be a handsome mop and you wouldn't miss anything. They also hardly play any goth or metal music!!! Why am I even here!!! Queen of the Damned is bad but at least they got that part right!
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Cosmopolis 2012
Perhaps this movie felt more fantastical when it first emerged in a 2012 world still filled with tech-bro optimism and an unwavering (and uncritical belief) that the tech world was going to save us all. The incomprehensible business jargon was quite irritating to me initially, until I recognized it as an intentional choice.
Eric Parker is a man of little importance who has made himself the wrecker of global economies through no real skill or knowledge on his part. He…
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The Return 2024
The Odysessy is my favorite of the two Homeric epics, so I kind of wrestled with my feelings about this movie. I do think it has something interesting to say about the ravages of war and attempting to return to everyday life after suffering and inflicting massive trauma. Binoche and Fiennes have great chemistry and sufficiently sell the bond between Odysseus and Penelope, but much of their parallel identities is reduced in service of making Odysseus more passive and punished.…
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Memories of Murder 2003
Manages to be hilarious and tragic at the same time. Truly skillful balance of police incompetence being funny but also troubling, and the implications it has for the people they are meant to be serving. Each moment is cast in a dim, washed-out light that conveys the despair of the surrounding environment and political situation. The first people to be blamed for the murders are a disabled man and working-class man respectively, while the likely true killer is someone who…
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