Mention the first part of the party of the first part or what your brother did to the door and we are friends for life.
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The Last Picture Show 1971
Sometimes in this life, one can go a very long time before coming face to face with a reckoning. It could be almost anything, like not ever having a Caesar salad, for example, until one day you do and you wonder how you've managed up until now without that being a part of your palette. I should've consumed Bogdanovic's *The Last Picture Show* ages ago, and now I wonder how I did without its deliciousness all this time.
This is…
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Blue Monkey 1987
Starring Steve Railsback as Tommy Lee Jones in the role of Detective Jim Bishop investigating a viral breakout in a hospital, this is the kind of low-budget Canadian monster movie that first draws your ire by having characters look offscreen and say things like, "I've never seen an insect like that before!" and then not allow the audience to see it; then, it draws admiration for showing the audience that grown-up, now-upright arthropod, in all its clumsy glory, rip the…
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The Phantom of the Opera 1925
Sumptuous, baroque production design and one of horror cinema's most unnerving make-up jobs by Lon Chaney is enough to cement this film's classic status. Even if the pop culture iconography has vaporously permeated the canals of your *Famous Monsters*-addled psyche, like it has with me, the creeping fog is swirled agape by Chaney's onscreen pantomiming and the propulsive action and staging. It also has colored sequences throughout, including one set at a masked ball and awash in early Technicolor that literally bursts from the screen.
If you're normally put off by the textures and rhythms of silent film, this is quite a different beast.
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The Substance 2024
Unabashed *Twilight Zone* and bloody B-movie aspirations make this trip irresistibly endearing, a quaint thing to say about a movie where a tit is birthed from an eye socket. Although it's about 20 minutes too long, Demi Moore (the heart of the film, in every sense) and Margaret Qualley hum, pulsate, and cook every single second they're onscreen, and it's a blast watching them navigate the Kubrick-esque set design, as important a supporting character as any in the film.
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Parasite 1982
Though this film has lived in my consciousness for decades, I apparently had very little idea what it was actually about, other than the monster's a parasitic eel and it was originally in 3D.
Turns out, this takes place in an apocalyptic near future with most of the action unfolding in a dusty, industrial, desert California town where an infected scientist harboring a parasite (both the creature and, seemingly, the lead actor's face were created by legend Stan Winston; the…
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