I got free tickets to an early screening where people laughed and cheered at just about everything but the only thing that made me cackle was the unironic use of “Memories” by Maroon 5

I can’t hear that song and NOT hear Stewie, Peter, Quagmire, and Herbert singing it

I would say this is the least scary thing Ari Aster has directed thus far but it’s also a real life nightmare that I, and I imagine anyone reading this, had to live through so in that regard it’s a completely different kind of horror

Plus you get Tucker Carlson and MTG jumpscares along with a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it reference to the movie Ma and a whole shot where you get to watch Joaquin’s lil phoenix flop around so what’s not to like?

Shoutout to the real-life Lex Luthor over at Amazon for helping me secure tickets to an early screening!

James Gunn managed to pack half of the JLI lineup, lines ripped from All Star Superman, an amazing little quote about how kindness and trust should be the new punk rock, a 32-year-old Simpsons bit about monkeys, a Netanyahu stand-in who looks like a Tim and Eric character, and the most pitch-perfect version of Superman into one film…and somehow it all works, with near-lethal levels of hope and optimism to top it all off

I think I’ve rewatched this movie more than any other one in my adult life, so do with that information what you will

Every year I need to watch Roddy McDowall stake Chris Sarandon in the armpit or else I turn to dust

This Groundhog Day rip-off gets instantly more watchable once you realize that the lead kinda sounds like Tim Robinson in some scenes

I just pictured this as one long and ridiculous I Think You Should Leave sketch

The High Evolutionary really said furries would make the perfect society and everyone just let him roll with that

About to steal the Oscar out of Brendan Fraser’s home and give it to Payakan for his portrayal of a brave young Tulkan

Finally a film about just how evil and deadly pennies can be

RIP Tony Todd, even if his scene took away some of his character’s mystique it’s an oddly heartfelt and beautiful standout moment that I wouldn’t trade for 100 teens getting crushed by 100 sheets of glass

The audio editing is noticeably bad this time around BUT Michael Lerner plays a washed up ex-cop private detective whose scenes devolve into pseudo film noir homages complete with a snazzy little jazz track so anytime he was on screen this thing was a 5/5 in my book

There is a non zero chance that Chino is wandering around in a parking lot near you with a gun - he will not be deterred by chain link fences

I like that they give you a solid 10 minutes or so at the beginning to make popcorn before the movie actually begins - just a series of colors and lines like your TV’s being recalibrated

During the final duel my Apple Watch notified me that my heart rate was too fast despite the fact that I was sitting still

This is one of the best things I’ve ever seen in a theater