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Saltburn 2023
I've never had the displeasure of reading a Colleen Hoover novel, but I imagine she was a ghostwriter for this movie. corny and horny in a way that's wildly kinky to the most white bread bitches you've ever met. the foreshadowing isn't subtle, nor are the NPCs surrounding scenes of 3+ characters who literally boo, cheer and chant imon command. a seventh grader seemingly wrote the dialogue on Wattpad in 2014. also rapey vibes. overall unentertaining watch with the occasional shock value scene and fan service boy eye candy.
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Good Will Hunting 1997
if a white man tells you this is his favorite movie, sprint in the opposite direction as fast as you can
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Van Helsing 2004
so fucking funny. "ah yes, female protagonist who fights monsters and shit must have a full beat and a corset on at all times". it's frustrating but also comical to watch a movie where the women are never allowed to look ugly for even a second unless they're fully CGI'd into a vampire. even when she dies, she's vogueing.
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