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Ninja Assassin 2009
CG-gore and Rain's physique can't save it. It has a laboured backstory and a tedious side plot, but forgets any main storyline. Naomie Harris and Ben Miles seem embarrassed to be in it. The last fight is ok, admittedly.
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Gladiator II 2024
Ridley Scott continues his latter-day legacy of flattening the hell out of all characters, plot, scenery and dialogue. Everything is like how it was, but flatter. Paul Mescal's Lucius is flat Maximus. Joaquin Phoenix's Commodus - the campy evil Nero-like figure of the first film - is replaced by two evil twin Emperors who are also campy and evil, but flatter. The revenge is retrodden, but now it's flat revenge. There's no distinct villain, there's no distinct heroes. Denzel doesn't…
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