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Heart Eyes 2025
I don’t think anyone involved with this movie has ever been to Seattle before. Why was there a shopping montage? That girl was the most dressed up anyone from this city has been.
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Blue Velvet 1986
I feel like if I watched this in high school I would have been a lot more popular with the kids at the Old Redmond Fire House.
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Van Helsing 2004
You wanted to impress Drew (literally your oldest friend) so badly you picked out the scariest movie you could at the Blockbuster next to the strip mall. You spent the afternoon playing in a local MTG tournament and got your asses handed to you by men double your age, and he isn’t taking super well - so it has to be a really good one. You see the box for something called Van Helsing and get pumped as hell. This…
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Dead Leaves 2004
This movie felt like it was designed to make pacemakers explode. It is the craziest piece of art I have ever seen, and I’m obsessed. I apologize in advance if ya run into me and I won’t shut up about the dude with a drill for a dick, or the pregnant woman throwing lipstick bombs at her daughter/sister who is also a giant caterpillar. This movie was dripping with style, madcap panache, and some of the most absurd absurdity I have ever witnessed. 10/10 no notes, but I’ve taken plenty for myself.
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