"“You have your wonderful memories," people said later, as if memories were solace. Memories are not. Memories are by definition of times past, things gone. Memories are the Westlake uniforms in the closet, the faded and cracked photographs, the invitations to the weddings of the people who are no longer married, the mass cards from the funerals of the people whose faces you no longer remember. Memories are what you no longer want to remember.”
― Joan Didion
There is the Ari Aster version of "grief" but there's also the silent kind that always lingers, making the real silence more deafening. It's almost like silence is a sound itself wanting to make itself known. The silence is the reminder of the loss, the emptiness that once used to be filled with a loved one's physical presence. It’s now replaced with a promise. A promise to hear your loved ones coming through the door, crashing through the mourning and…
I turn 23 this year and I'm graduating out of college in a few months. I have been reflecting on a lot of things in my life probably more than ever before. I also been thinking about my future and what I wanna do. I often forget that my memories are no longer reality, although they once were. Sometimes my memories are the only good things happening in my life right now.
My younger self haunts me all the time.…
I want Bob Dylan to personally call me the fuck out on my bullshit just so I can finally learn my lesson.
