Troglodytus Asteroidea

I beg my kidnappers for a phone, swearing not to make any calls or texts, and they stare over my shoulder, holding a gun to my head as I use my newly-freed hand to post, "So do like, dudes just buy ropes and baklavas from the same store or what lmfao like a specialty Crime Store"

One of the kidnappers says "balaclavas" but it's muffled under the fabric. I ask them to repeat and they do, their voice raspy from disuse. "You wrote baklava, that's a pastry." The other kidnapper goes "stfu" and then after a pause goes "Why would you buy from a crime store"

Then they spit roast me

I didn't wanna say this but now that someone's left this kind of comment I have to be honest: Everyone else's tags are funny but this is the only person who understood my vision for this scenario

my mom, discussing furries with me: but I don’t get all the cats and dogs, why wouldn’t you want to be a sexy animal? like a kangaroo

me: mama what the hell does that mean

my mom: so muscular

An offering to lesbian tumblr. Now stop reblogging that creepy ai to my dash

why is that slimegirl skinny? make her fat. give her more goo to work with

you get it

My 25 years of palaeoart chronology…

In 2022 I worked with McIlroy et al on a new reconstruction of Haootia (Stauroza), from the Late Ediacaran (550 Ma). The Haootia fossils from Newfoundland, Canada, have the oldest known evidence for animal muscle tissue.

The first gains 💪

y'all know that whole left-brained/right-brained thing is fake right? and the "brain fully develops at age 25" thing? and the "we only use 10% of our brains" thing? yeah they're all complete horseshit please yell at anyone who says them

okay people are doing nuance in the notes about the kernels of truth in neuroscience myths but I really really need you to understand that that is not important here. people don't believe there are "right-brained" and "left-brained" people because they've misunderstood lateralisation of the central nervous system, they believe it because that binary framework was deliberately pushed by people who wanted to define who was logical enough to lead, and surprise surprise, white adult heterosexual men are left-brained. people don't believe the brain "finishes developing at 25" because they've misunderstood life stage differences in neuroplasticity, they believe it because the idea that children, teens, and young adults have inferior brains is a convenient rationalisation for a society that marginalises them. people don't believe you "only use 10% of your brain" because they misread an fMRI study, they believe it because it's useful bullshit for everyone from hyperindividualist historical revisionists pushing the great genius concept of scientific progress to hucksters recruiting for cults that will teach you to unlock your latent telekinesis for just $5000 a month. that's why it's fucking important to know that many popular science ideas are false and to push back on them loudly and frequently, because they're not just mildly incorrect, they are often active components of systems of violence.

Man I’m a graphic designer why the fuck do I have to explore the Tomb

gunnerkrigg court’s mama gay inaugurates the baby gay

(p.1050)

#the gunner’s crag#there’s literally a part of gunnerkrigg court#where a bi girl is panicking over her sexuality#so the local eldritch lesbians use a reality-warping dream sequence to steal the headband that is a symbol of her attempts to be straight#and subsequently throw it away into the void#no i’m not kidding#that is ACTUALLY WHAT HAPPENS

This chapter was my favorite in gunnerkrigg court. Kat is very me and I love her.

I just think he’s neat

Such a playful boy

I’m pretty sure he won’t eat the moon again

Oh don’t you start on that again

Coyote that is your head what are you doing

Just a silly boy

Smug ass silly little etheric fucker

Ive never really met anyone that thought of ribs as interesting… that’s such a shame. Ribs and the things they do are fascinating…. I think about them everyday.

I may not be the biggest fan of snakes, but this is fascinating!!

I may not be the

biggest fan of snakes, but this

is fascinating!!

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

Universe: So you don’t get any limbs, just ribs.

Snakes: Hold my beer.

Don’t mind me

I want to wish you all a very merry Mandela effect

Everybody driving a car thinks they're the main character of the car. This is an ideologically bourgeois attitude. You know who doesn't ever feel like the main character of the vehicle they're in? Literally everyone on the bus. You're on the fucking bus. And the bus driver doesn't feel like the main character of the bus because she's at fucking work. The bus is the most ideologically proletarian form of transport.

I know they're named after him but for reasons I can't fully articulate it's hilarious that the guy who invented zeppelins was named Ferdinand von Zeppelin

Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin literally sounds like the joke name someone would make up if they didn't know the actual answer

oh you KNOW he’s got that big bushy mustache

are you guys gonna wrap it up with the dog motif anytime soon

literally man's best friend but whatever. i guess you do sexual roleplay as some kind of tender-leaved houseplant?

you know full well that my sexual roleplays are geological in nature

"they brought back the dire wolf" they fucking made a GMO wolf with the millions they got from stupid idiot rich people investors who go googoogaga eyed over being told that the company could "bring back" extinct animals if some rich idiots gave them millions of dollars.

WHAT ABOUT THE BUGS. WHAT ABOUT OUR AMPHIBIANS. WOOLY MICE WON'T SAVE HUMANITY.

everyone who is optimistic and hopeful about Colossal Biosciences, you're very kind and sweet. I'm not. I think they're asshole, they're grifters, they want to make as much money as possible and peddle it as saving the earth (Elon Musk ringing a bell) while helping plunder the working class of their wealth so that they can keep making rich people things for rich people, which in turn acts as a mask and as cheap entertainment for the working class.

no tech startup is going to save us. no billionaire is going to save us. no millionaire. we need to save ourselves.

cool and awesome. their goal is to privatize animal conservation BTW.

The especially silly thing is that what they're talking about as "regulation" here is BIOME CONSERVATION.

Even if they did successfully bring back Direwolves [they did not] where the fuck are they going to live? It's not just privatizing conservation: it's an attempt to reframe conservation to the point that it just isn't conservation, period. Animal species need whole biomes they can fit into. It's especially insulting to try it with wolves because large predators are balanced on top of their local trophic cycles quite precariously: good luck finding an existing biome anywhere that both has a healthy supply of prey animals AND no existing apex predator. Except I somehow doubt they'll even do that, meaning we could end up in a scenario where "de-extinction" accelerates mass extinction, introducing genetically engineered animals that compete for resources with naturally evolved species that are already struggling. Large predators coming into human settlements due to habitat destruction is already a problem: do we think the genetically engineered wolves are gonna be MORE scared to come and dig through our garbage?

On a related note: geneticists are truly some of the LEAST educated scientific experts on any other field; when the Human Genome Project was ramping up, geneticists looked at the evidence they were gathering and immediately reproduced 19th century eugenicist conquest models of cultural-geographic change. Anthropologists had to step in and tell them those had been debunked by archeological evidence decades ago. So if you're tempted to look at the biome problem and think 'oh I'm sure they're thinking of that, these folks are smart.' NO, THEY ARE PROBABLY NOT. Underestimate the interdisciplinary chauvinism of genetics at your own risk.