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@eggseventy / eggseventy.tumblr.com

please do not send me chain asks i do not like them! they/xe!

My perfect thick idiot son, Calvin, who has never done anything wrong in his entire life except today when I let him climb my young redbud tree and he went to the highest branch and wedged himself in the crook of it and wouldn't budge and he's so big I was afraid that he might break the branch so I had to get a stepladder and get him down while the neighborhood jays that come by for peanuts whenever they see me in the yard freaked out and sat screaming on the fence to warn me that there's a snake very near me because I'm obviously too stupid to see it and clearly in mortal peril.

snake spotted!!

what the fuck

sweet, might base an agricultural civilisation on this river, hope it behaves itself

might just fuck around and find out

Diversity win! This river has ADHD

Nile: You would not believe how long term you have to mismanage agriculture on my banks to start experiencing soil depletion. I will always be here for you Egypt.

Huang He: *kicks in the door* FUCK YOUR DYNASTY IT'S FAMINE TIME!!!

Sometimes I see some variety of North American Little Guy (opossum, raccoon, etc. ) and I’m like “okay”

BUT THEN I start thinking about how excited somebody from not-North-America would be to see this Guy. Like, would an Australian be excited to see the only marsupial not from their country? Are there raccoons in zoos on the other side of the world that are regarded as unique and exotic creatures? Idk but it’s made me more excited to see Guys in my area.

it's me, i'm the person described in the tumbl

I went to a zoo in England this past summer, and there were crowds around the skunks, raccoons, and coyotes.

So, as an Australian, going to the zoo in China with a USAmerican and a Jamacian was an experience.

The first thing you should know about this experiences is I'm a fairly bush-raised child. Not entirely, but the vast majority of my school holidays were spent camping or on a property or otherwise out in the bush. (Not the Outback, although sometimes, but definitely the Bush. The great south-west forests, to be specific.)

I have seen more than my fair share of actually wild Australian wildlife. I am severely immune to snakes, spiders, frogs, kangaroos and wild foxes, rabbits and pigs (those shouldn't be in Australia, but they are. Also, if you ever see evidence of pigs in the bush, you leave immediately.)

So here we encounter jarring moment of dissonance the first.

We were walking past the kangaroo paddock and I'll admit I didn't even give it a second glance - it was a case of "Oh, kangaroos, how normal," And moving on. Didn't even register that they would be something to get excited about. It was literally like seeing a bird or the neighbour's cat.

Anyway, after awhile I noticed that I was no longer with my fellows because they were amazed by the kangaroos. They were staring, they were laughing, they were paying money to feed the fucking kangaroos like they were some sort of weird, special, exotic animal.

"Oh for fuck's sake, guys, they're just kangaroos!"

And then I realised I was with non-Australians and felt properly shamed.

We spent some (far too long of a) time with the kangaroos and moved on.

Anyway, as we were leaving we were walking through the American animals section and I've stopped dead in my tracks and squealed with excitement and raced over to an enclosure to coo and generally be a weird, animal-obsessed little moron. I'd never seen this animal in real life before but it was adorable and lovely and the cutest thing ever. And my Americas friends were looking at me like I'd grown another head because the animal that I was enamoured with and had never seen in person before, the animal that I was most excited about out of any that was there (including the baby tiger that I actually got to hold, guys)

The animal was a raccoon.

Your trash creature is someone else’s treasured encounter

When my father visited a Zoo in Germany, he was amazed to find people eagerly watching what appeared to be a large patch of dirt with holes in it. It took him a minute to realize that the exhibit was for prairie dogs and everyone was waiting to hopefully see one pop it's head out. Dad, who went to school in Eastern Oregon and regularly harassed the local prairie dog population there, had long known how to call them. So to amuse himself, he gave the high whistle he used to use at school and, sure enough, about 15 little heads popped up to see what was happening. What was happening was the local German patrons all losing their god damn minds

i go to the shop and I ask if they have any raspberries. they say no, they used to sell raspberries, but they haven't had any in stock in the last 15 years. I ask if there's somewhere else I can go to buy raspberries. They say no, with confidence and pride, they're the only shop around who has ever sold or will ever sell raspberries. Other shops might sell other fruit, sure, but they have a monopoly on all raspberries forever. I ask if they're possibly planning on them selling them again in future? they say they can't tell me that.

on the way home, I encounter someone eating raspberries. I ask and they tell me that they grow their own, they got some seeds from the shop back in The Raspberry Days and kept them. They take me to a field of many beautiful raspberry plants and invite me to pick my own, they're free for all the town to pick whenever they'd like.

someone comes up behind us. It's the shop manager, President of Nintendo Shuntaro Furukawa. he hatefully throws a bob-omb that blows up and kills both of us instantly for stealing 200 trillion dollars worth of potential Raspberry Shop That Doesn't Do Raspberries Anymore profits that they weren't making and then he turns around to the camera with a big thumbs up and says don't do piracy or something ok please

Wishing all undiagnosed/partially diagnosed people a very doctors listening to you and providing you with more testing than a blood draw and even possibly providing treatment 2024

Wishing all undiagnosed/partially diagnosed people a very doctors listening to you and providing you with more testing than a blood draw and even possibly providing treatment 2025

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