It feels fitting that actress and activist Gillian Anderson—known for many roles and accolades but recently and iconically, that of sex therapist Dr. Jean Milburn on Netflix’s Sex Education—is releasing a book about sex through Abrams Press on September 17. (Yes, the same Gillian Anderson who wore a stunning ivory Gabriela Hearst gown covered in embroidered vulvas to the Golden Globes earlier this year.) But it’s not just any book about sex; it’s a compilation of essays and experiences submitted to her by hundreds of anonymous women. And if you couldn’t guess from the title itself, it’s all about what these women want—from their partners, in the privacy of their own minds, and as part of their deepest, most intimate desires.
The (ahem, extremely sexy) submissions range from short paragraphs about being worshiped to longer essays describing their fantasies in detail, with each section including an introduction by Anderson herself. The contributors are anonymous, but do, for the most part, disclose their ethnic group and nationality, religion, annual income, sexual orientation, relationship status, and whether or not they have children. One essay even belongs to Anderson herself, but, plot twist: You don’t actually know which one. Here’s the official description of Want, straight from the publisher.
A collection of confessions from women around the world, Want is a revelatory, sensational and game-changing exploration of women’s sexuality that asks, and answers: How do women feel about sex when they have the freedom to be totally anonymous?
What do you want, when no one is watching?
What do you want, when the lights are off?
What do you want, when you are anonymous?
When we talk about sex, we talk about womanhood and motherhood, infidelity and exploitation, consent and respect, fairness and egalitarianism, love and hate, pleasure and pain.
And yet for many reasons—some complicated, some not—so many of us don’t talk about it. Our deepest, most intimate fears and fantasies remain locked away inside of us, until someone comes along with the key.
Here’s the key.
In this generation-defining book, Gillian Anderson collects and introduces the anonymous letters of hundreds of self-identifying women from around the world (along with her own anonymous letter).
Before its highly-anticipated release, Cosmopolitan has an exclusive excerpt from the “Kink” chapter. (And if this is enough to make your jaw drop and your mind wander, just wait until you read the rest of it.)
An Excerpt from Want
Submitted by anonymous.
Collected by Gillian Anderson.
KINK
‘I’m usually real open with friends about what turns me on, but there’s one thing I don’t tell anyone …’
Sex is a subjective experience. While we are always, as humans, keen to categorise and label, it’s clear that one person’s kink is another person’s vanilla.
Tentacles, door handles, hairy armpits or adult nappies, the world of kink is a cornucopia of passions and these letters are a window into just a small corner of this ever-expanding sexual universe. As a working definition, kink could be considered a broad term for consensual sexual activities that are thought of as ‘unconventional’, whereas a fetish is sexual desire linked to a subject, an object or non-genital body part. No matter how fantastical, supernatural or ‘strange’, all fantasies are a product of the marriage between our direct experience—what we’ve seen, heard, smelled, tasted, touched—and the expansive creativity of our imagination.
We all use the word ‘kink’ in our everyday speech without any sexual connotation—the kinky curl in someone’s hair, a twisted wire, a painful kink in your back. The logic of the word assumes that there is an objective ‘straightness’ to all things, and indeed, our understanding of ‘kink’ in the sexual world defines desires and preferences that sit outside what’s considered conventional or normative. Yet the very suggestion that there is ever any standard norm when it comes to sex is lunacy. And I only had to cast an eye over the ‘Dear Gillian’ letters to see that there is a limitless spectrum for sexual activity, desire and fantasy which actively resists rigid and obvious classifications.
The selection of fantasies here are the ones that surprised me the most. Not because I am a prude or easily shocked (trust me), but because the extent of the wild creativity and expansive imaginations completely exceeded my expectations. From the woman who is repeatedly aroused by bumping into a door handle and another who gets excited by the ‘vulnerability’ of hairy armpits, to those who find eroticism in period sex, bloated bellies, wearing diapers and sex with tentacles—these letters are testament to the extraordinarily wide-ranging powers of invention of the human mind.
In the fifty years since My Secret Garden, the range and diversity of kinks and fetishes have changed and expanded. The power of technology and the accessibility of the internet to much of the world enables easy one-click access to Google searches for porn sites on every conceivable kink manifestation or specialist interest, no matter how niche. Moreover, the internet has enabled communities to build around particular kinks and fetishes, meeting at clubs, parties and even at dedicated conventions—a literal bottomless resource that modern women can draw on to explore and articulate whatever arouses them most.
And yet despite all this, and the fact that popular culture features sex that revolves around kinks more and more, and that research shows BDSM is second only to group sex as the most popular of all sexual fantasies, the shame society casts on kinks persists. It’s hard to know what percentage of these fantasies ever get voiced or realised, given so many women still feel fearful of judgement. But thankfully it seems that our rich imaginations—especially when they feature kink and fetish—are increasingly uninhibited.
I bumped into it on my way into the office, and instantly I was attracted. It started with slight brushing of the hand to full-on grasping it in its full glory. The door handle: I would sneak in after hours to pleasure it to its full extent. My husband didn’t know, of course, but he couldn’t provide me with what I needed as a woman, the full girth and stretchiness I experienced with this partner.
[Jewish • >$128,000 • Have intercourse with any object, person or thing • Married/in a civil partnership • Yes]
I like my men hairy and emotionally vulnerable. Just a brief glimpse of a hairy belly, revealed when a guy’s shirt rides up, gets me fantasising about taking his clothes off and getting my lips all over his body. When I close my eyes and go to my happy sexy place, I fantasise about kissing a hairy man’s chest and belly and thighs all over, or lying against his warm chest as he fingers me, or feeling his hairy belly sliding against my body when he’s on top of me. I’m usually real open with friends about what turns me on, but there’s one thing I don’t tell anyone: men’s hairy armpits really excite me. It’s about the vulnerability because, seriously, armpits are several different kinds of physically vulnerable. It’s also straight-up about how they look. The contours of armpits are gorgeously complemented by the presence of hair. Guys doing pull-ups can be like porn for me. Mostly I just love to look but sometimes I think about kissing them, like I end up fantasising about kissing every other hairy body part I find sexy. Dicks make me feel all ‘Oh yeah, I get to play with that’ and asses are ‘I want my hands on that’—but if a guy shows armpit, 95 percent of my attention goes there. My brain short-circuits and I’m stuck thinking, ‘Oh God, oh God, oh God, those are his armpits and they are right there, being all hairy and beautiful and incredibly sexy and look at that, LOOK AT THAT!’
[White American • Atheist • <$19,000 • Aromantic, mostly sexually interested in men but occasionally people of other genders • Single • No]
Period sex, whether it’s heterosexual, lesbian or somewhere in between. There is something very raw about having sex on your period. It’s messy and it’s natural. It’s sweet and ‘nasty’. Something so stigmatised I believe can bring people closer together. To fall in love with a person even when they’re bleeding and cramping. To find beauty in the ability to bear children. Period sex is hot. It’s fun and it tastes good :) I love it.
[White • Buddhist • <$38,000 • Bisexual/pansexual • Single • No]
When masturbating or when I’m having sex with my husband, I often imagine a kind of penile tentacle moving towards me and then penetrating me. It will then withdraw and then penetrate me over and over again. It is often, in that magical way of fantasy, coming from below me and managing to get between my tightly closed legs. It’s normally quite slim and somehow lubricated. Also, it’s not embodied—it’s just a questing alien thing. It’s not seeking pleasure, it’s just curious. I never give any thought to what this tentacle-like thing is attached to. I just need to imagine it searching me out and entering me repeatedly.
The other thing that gets me really hot is imagining myself breastfeeding adults, mostly men. They suck greedily and really enjoy my milk, or are just peaceful and contented. With my second child I had far too much milk and had to ask my husband to relieve me. I was so engorged it was more a physical relief than a sexual pleasure. But I often return to that memory and make it sexual, or imagine feeding some other cherished person in my life. It makes my pussy tight just thinking about it.
[Married/in a civil partnership • Yes]
Excerpt from the new book Want submitted by anonymous, collected by Gillian Anderson published by Abrams Press
Introductions copyright © 2024 Gillian Anderson
Want, Submitted by anonymous, collected by Gillian Anderson, will be released on September 17, 2024. To preorder the book, click on the retailer of your choice:
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