39 Hot Sexual Fantasies to Try With Your Partner, According to Experts
Plus real women on their hottest real-life desires.
One thing about sexual fantasies? They can take pretty much any form your horny little heart (and mind) desires. Some might be super kinky, others may be rom-com-worthy romantic, and others might be, well, a little out there. So whether you find yourself fantasizing about lesbian strap-on sex, boning your boss, or getting it on Regency-era style à la Bridgerton, the most important thing to know is that whatever dirty daydreams are going down in your brain are totally normal. In fact, a recent study found that about 90 to 97 percent of people report having sexual fantasies and thinking about them to get off. So yeah, whatever shape your fantasies may take, trust that we’ve pretty much all got ’em. Also totally good and fine and normal? Acting those fantasies out—as long as it's all going down between two (or more!) consenting adults.
That said, it’s also important to understand that fantasies can exist purely as fantasies. Just because you (or your partner) are into the idea of something doesn’t necessarily mean that you’d actually want to do it in real life. "It's completely normal to have a wide range of sexual fantasies," explains clinical psychologist and certified sexologist Denise Renye. "Fantasies serve as a way to explore desires, curiosity, and imagination, and they don't always reflect one's actual desires or intentions." Some of the stuff you’re into may be just for you and your imagination, some might be something you’re interested in exploring through porn or dirty talk, some might be something you’d maybe think about trying once or twice, and some might be stuff you’d never in a thousand years actually want to act out. All of which is, once again, 100 percent valid.
But! If you are curious about bringing your sexual fantasies to life, there are ways to do so. Read on for expert advice on making your sexiest dreams a reality.
How Do I Talk About My Fantasies With My Partner?
1. Make sure it’s something you actually want to do.
Fantasies don't have to become reality, especially if you're content with them remaining sexy thoughts. If you're considering making a fantasy real, check in with yourself to make sure that you're genuinely excited about it and definitely not just trying to please someone else. If you don't know, it's okay to take your time or, of course, dip a toe in with dirty talk, sexting, or watching porn. Sex therapist Kelly Wise, Ph.D has a pretty awesome analogy for this kind of fantasy: "It's like online shopping where you put a bunch of stuff in your cart, imagining the night you're gonna have wearing all of it, and then emptying your cart and going on about your day." Basically, it's sexual fantasy window-shopping.
2. Decide to talk to your partner.
You're allowed to keep some fantasies to yourself, like, perhaps, your desire to bang your handyman. However, if you want to actually live out this desire, you're going to have to talk to another human. But the good news is that doing so doesn't have to be scary, especially if you do a little homework first. Wise suggests asking yourself some questions. "Think about what you want [your partner] to understand in knowing your fantasies. Do you want to feel closer to them just by sharing? Or are you open to exploring some of these fantasies together?" If the answer is an enthusiastic yes, then move right on to the next step.
3. Bring it up in a low-pressure environment.
It's best to do this in a comfy setting when you're both relaxed and, ideally, when you haven't had too much to drink so that you know everyone's thinking clearly and can fully consent. Sex educator Carly S suggests planning a romantic date night where you can have a private, intimate conversation. She also stresses that you really do need to take the time and space to bring this kind of thing up outside the bedroom first, rather than springing it on someone in the heat of the moment.
4. Have fun with it.
While it’s important to be honest with each other about consent and boundaries—which, yes, is serious stuff—remember that this kinda sexy talk is also supposed to be fun. Carly adds that it's okay to use sex dreams, light dirty talk, and a little bit of praise to gauge your partner’s interest in a non-threatening way. "You can start by sharing your fantasy with your partner by telling them you had a sexy dream about them last night,” she says.
5. Don’t stress if they aren’t into it.
There's definitely a non-zero chance that when you share your fantasy, your partner will grin, get turned on, and want to know how soon you can make it happen. There’s also a non-zero chance that they won’t be into it, and that’s fine! Remember, even if someone else isn’t into exactly the same thing you are, that doesn’t mean there's anything wrong with you or your desires. It doesn't even mean that they're not the right person for you. "Sexual compatibility doesn't necessarily mean sharing identical fantasies, but rather finding common ground and prioritizing mutual pleasure and fulfillment," Renye says.
There may come a time when your partner tells you about something that turns them on that you think is lovely for them but just doesn't do it for you. When this happens, you can either find a nice, cozy compromise or decide to keep the fantasy a fantasy. There's also dirty talk, porn, and, of course, experimenting with other partners and/or exploring an open relationship if acting out this desire feels like something you absolutely want to check off your sexual bucket list .
How Can I Safely Explore My Sexual Fantasies?
1. Do your research!
Depending on what kind of fantasy you have, there may be certain safety or legal concerns to be aware of (best to be discreet when masturbating on an airplane, for example) or equipment to buy. (This is especially crucial to keep in mind if your fantasy involves BDSM, in which case there's likely also some skills to master.) And, yeah, if you really want to have public sex, know what level of risk you're taking and have a plan in place should a park ranger show up. "If you're feeling the urge for outdoor or public ecstasy, perhaps a couples' resort or swinger's club will allow you to enjoy the open air together as you wish," advises Angie Rowntree, Founder and Director of the award-winning ethical porn site Sssh.com. "If you want to try bondage, start off by learning the literal ropes from professional BDSM educators before you attempt to stage a scene on your own."
2. Establish boundaries.
Safety and consent are crucial, as with all things sex, but are especially important when you're trying new things or potentially stepping outside of your comfort zone. Engaging in kinky group sex, for example, is more complicated than having vanilla sex with your long-term partner; it just is.
"Establishing clear boundaries beforehand allows partners to communicate their limits, desires, and any potential triggers or concerns related to the fantasy," says Renye. "Respecting these boundaries is crucial to maintaining trust and promoting a positive experience for everyone involved." It's okay to improv a little once you get going and trust everyone involved, but you definitely want to discuss hard limits (aka, things that are completely off the table). For instance, do you want to get peed on but make sure none gets in your mouth? Make sure that's relayed before anyone gets lazy with aim.
3. Have a safe word.
Even with the most perfect partner(s) and all the boundary discussion in the world, you need to have a safe word. Especially when exploring new things sexually, we never know quite how we’ll feel until it's happening. It’s best to pick something that you'd never say in bed, like "tiramisu" or "Loch Ness monster." See here for a full list of safe word options for ya!
4. Practice aftercare.
Aftercare is kind of a fancy kink word, but it just means the simple act of taking care of one another after the actual sex ends. "Aftercare involves caring for each other's emotional and physical well-being after exploring a fantasy," says Renye. If you just enjoyed some hard spanking, aftercare may include your partner getting ice cubes to ice the area, or it could just mean holding one another and giggling about all the hot sex you just had. "It may include cuddling, reassurance, and open communication about the experience. Aftercare helps partners feel supported, validated, and emotionally connected, fostering intimacy and strengthening the bond between them," Renye says.
What Are Some Common Sexual Fantasies to Try?
In case you're in need of a little sexy inspo, we asked 39 women to share some of their hottest sexual fantasies. Enjoy!
Naydeline Mejia is an assistant editor at Women’s Health, where she covers sex, relationships, and lifestyle for WomensHealthMag.com and the print magazine. She is a proud graduate of Baruch College and has more than two years of experience writing and editing lifestyle content. When she’s not writing, you can find her thrift-shopping, binge-watching whatever reality dating show is trending at the moment, and spending countless hours scrolling through Pinterest.
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