Cocky funny

Hiring / firing girls

Telling them they look like trouble and
Giving them #'s
You're bad girls, aren't you?
You're a dork!
You don't get out much, do you?
You're cute, like my little sister.
We are broken up. I guess I'm moving out, who's
going to take care of the cat and dogs?
She drops/spills/etc. something, "This is why we can't
have nice things."
If she drops something I will say "it's ok, you dont have to be nervous", this
100 percent of the time gets a laugh
When I beat them at thumbwars... "OMG you suck at
this, but you can cook right?" *punch*
'Anymore of that, and I gonna have to charge you...and
you know what?'
Her: What?
Me: '(lean into her ear and lower your voice)...you
couldn't afford me'
"Seriously if you dont stop hitting on me, i'm getting
a restraining order"
"There is nothing about you a complete personality
change couldnt fix."
She says anything sarcastic, playfull, or sassy.
You To target: "I don't know who your boyfriend is,
but he is not spanking you enough"
or
You to Group: "I don't know who her BF is, but he's
not spanking her enough"
Works well both ways, I prefer groups b/c she'll see
her friends laughing and it demonstrates social proof.
You'll definitely get a punch, and if delivered at the
right time she'll be begging you to spank her. BUT be
careful it's not a **** test.
Credit: Lance (Sensei) from pickup 101
If she screws up or is cold or whatever..
"Well, aren't you charming" Done with a little Sean
Connary style
HB: You're sooo mean..you're gonna regret you said/did

this
CD: what are you gonna do? date me?
CD: Have I ever told you how helpful/creative you are?
HB: (confused look) no
CD: well...there is a reason for that
HB: Have a nice day
CD: Don't tell me what to do! We just met 5 minutes
ago and you already ordering me around
I can't remember who came up with this originally, but
I give girls those little sticky gold stars they put
on papers in kindergarten when they do something I
like. Later, I find an excuse to take them away. Great
for initiating light kino, plus my pivots think it's
hysterical.
Got an oldie, if she does something bad or just accuse
her of being bad and tell her
"you are getting coal for Xmas this year young lady
for sure"
I bet you have a real cute side somewhere. You just
don't show it."
When she throws, drops something or especially when
you "accidentally" bump into her... (smiling) "Jesus!
I could've been killed!"
Don't get you hopes up. I'm not easy
You better be getting back to your friends before they
realize you're over here flirting with me. But before
you go... (awsome time constraint)
"You know, you're a cool/good/nice girl, despite what
everyone else says about you."
If she calls you a name or teases you, say "My mom's
told me worse." (This could come off as
self-depricating, but I do it in more of a "There's no
way you can offend me, no matter how hard you try"
attitude)
From that, you can transition into stuff like this:
"Go ahead, try to offend me. Do your worst. Call my
mom a slut. Tell me to **** off. Come on, DO IT!!"
(playfully of course)
Sometimes she'll do it and it will be lame, so tell
her it was weak and to put some emotion behind it.
When she does, pretend to get offended. "Oh now you
took it too far. I'm not talking to you anymore") Then
you can go into "I'm breaking up with you" etc.
In general I like to pour gasoline on the fire when
we're having an argument. Suggest taking it to a

physical level "Wanna take this outside?". Even

funnier if you're already outside.
"You think you can take me? I doubt it." "I don't hit
girls, but I will tickle you until you pee your
pants." Good transition into tickling her, wrestling
on the ground, you get the idea.
While talking on the phone with a mutual acquaintance,
say "Do you want to talk to (girl's name)?" Then
pretend like the person on the phone is **** talking
her. "What do you mean you don't want to talk to that
*****?" "Well yea, she is kind of a ***** sometimes. I
see your point." This can go on for a while. Works
similarly when someone is handing you the phone. Say
"Hell no I don't want to talk to her. You know I can't
stand that girl.", etc. Make sure you say this close
to the phone so the girl can hear you.
Fun way to escalate kino: "Do you get a good sound?"
Start drumming your hands on various parts of her
body. Head is good. Remark on the acoustics, playfully
tease her. "Oh I don't know, your head doesn't have a
very full tone. I don't know if I could be with a girl
who's head sounds like that." Take away points, demote
her to number 3, or whatever.
"You seem very pokeable". Poke her. If you want to do
a take away, say something like "Eh, maybe a little."
I like doing stuff like this, "Your hair seems very
pullable/yankable", "Your shoulder looks delicious."
Bite her on the shoulder. "What does your hair taste
like?" Put it in your mouth. It's probably best to do
takeaways if you're escalating the kino.
Get your hands wet, get behind her, and pretend to
sneeze while splashing water on the back of her neck.
One of my personal favorites is to inform the girl who
has been whinny, complaining that I am to mean etc. is
that there are three types of girls in this world. The
first type of girl hates me because of my sarcasm. The
second type takes my sarcasm passively. And the third,
and most desireable (the most desireable part I have
found to be crucial) takes my sarcasm and dishes it
back. Then I ask, "so what are you type 1?" At this
point they forget why they were mad at me and try to
"prove" to me that they are type 3 by dishing things
back. It's a great way to shift the energy while you
are bantering if she starts being lame.
good reply for a **** test... "looks like someone put
their crankypants on this morning"
From my notes, not mine and not sure who to credit:
Hey, are you the kind of person that can take a
sincere compliment from a stranger?
So am I. Go ahead.

You know what, I think you'd make a nice new

girlfriend.
Wait a minute. Can you cook?
[YES--Awesome. NO--We're broken up then, but wait.]
Are you rich, because I want to be a stay-at-home
husband?
[YES--We're back together. NO--We're broken up then,
but wait.]
Etc
Another version of TD's SP:
"You're a sexual predator [MISINTERPRETATION as if she
is trying to pick you up]
I'm not that kind of guy.
I'm not gonna go back to your house to "[finger
quotes] check out your stereo" or your "stamp
collection" or whatever.
I need trust, comfort, and connection first. "
Definitely will get a punch
You're either the coolest girl I've met in a long
time, or you're a total weirdo, I can't tell. Probably
a little bit of both. (Credit TD I think but not sure)
Women: you can't live with them...no, that's pretty
much it.
If chick is being whiny, *****y, or even if you just
feel like busting on her.
her: (whine)
me (teasing, playful c/f): Oooh, someone call the
guards, Princess isn't happy...did Princess (insert
anything) last night?
Stop it Youre looking at me like a fat kid looks
at a cheeseburger.
Youre getting me all emotional I promised my
friends I wouldnt go home with anyone tonight.
You guys are bad girls. I have to watch out for you.
You guys are trouble.
Youre cool, you can help me pick up chicks.
Is she ALWAYS like this?
Youre like my little sister. Lovable, but a little
annoying.
This place is such a meat market. I hate how the girls
look at me here; like
Im a piece of meat.
"If you were any slower you would be going backwards
in time"
This one only works if the girl doesn't say please or
thankyou at the end of a sentence, any sentence.
HB: Would you hold my bag for a sec while I go to the
loo?"

PUA: (In a very slow, deliberate voice, like a primary

school teacher to a student) - now what do we normally
say at the end of a sentence, when we ask someone to
do something for us?
HB: ...Please.
PUA: Now lets try that sentence again, shall we?
HB: Would you.... please?
PUA: No. then wink, or say what you would normally say
to a similar **** test like that.
If a girl gets excited while telling a story, or gets
really loud, or if she trips, or bumps into someone or
you.... basically if she does any kind of abrupt
movement etc.. I would always say:
"Whoa, eeeaaasy killer." say it in a cool-ass laid
back manner.
If a girl spills something/breaks something etc... I
like to say:
"Man, I can't take you anywhere"
I like, "Easy tiger."
I was having some banter with a colleague and this one
came out:
(said in a very condescending tone) It's OK, don't
worry- the truth will set you free...
A variation:
It's alright, admitting it is the 1st step
To be used if she denies anything, like if she claims
she doesn't find you attractive...
I used this on hired gun bartender HB8 and it worked
well:
She was already giving major IOI's and kino-ing me:
Me: "Ooops, I did it again..." (with serious tone)
HB8: "did what?"
Me: "I played with your heart, got lost in the game, I
made you believe we're more than just friends!" --say it with C/F tone, don't sing it.
HB8: LOL, smiles and punches me.
I read this banter on this thread and it's one my
favorites now with revision. Works great since most
girls wear tight shirts and jeans:
Me: I love those tight little shirts you girls wear,
did you get it at Baby Gap?
HB: shocked but then laughs.
Me: kept referring to her as Baby Gap all night and
she loved it. It's not too mean b/c they see it as a
compliment since they can fit in small clothes.
This HB had on these shiny star-shaped earrings:
Me: I like those star-shaped earrings. Did you get it
from the My Little Pony collection?
HB: grins then laughs...

If they bump into something, or bump their arm on a

table/chair whatever. . .
"Come on now, be smarter than the table."
If she says someting feisty "That / This is the LAST
time I let you out unsupervised"
"Run along now - this is man conversation..."
Or if she butts in between me and my boy I go "quiet
you........ the men are talking."
Always punch material
"Another blonde moment?",
"I didn't think you were a natural red head/brunette
etc",
"and you chose that hair colour?"
"You've been at the peroxide again",
"Hanging around too many blondes will rub off on you
you know"
I do this too. Offering them a sippy cup if they spill
their drink is fun, or asking the bartender for one
for her.
Thats awesome I gotta try that. One of my favorites is
when she says something slightly witty or mentions
something about herself thats somewhat quailty during
MMA2. I'd say "Wow thats like + 5 points right
there.....cause you were like at negative 32.......
you really needed that" and look like you're proud of
her.
Always gets that "Ugh! You jerk" playful kino thing
going.
=P
I have started giving and taking away gold and silver
stars from girls. Also my boy told this tonight so
credit him (he posts here just dont know his sn)
Compare a girls worth to a stock based on her actions.
Tell her stock just went up a little or went down
little. Awesome ****, especially for nyc where there
are so many traders and financial people. If she
really acts fiesty you can be like "uh oh, stock is
about to crash, i better sell what i have left of
you."
Similarly reward her if she behaves.
If we're being playfully sarcastic or witty, I'll say
"Why do you say these things to hurt me",
And the good ol reliable "You're the worst girlfriend
EVER"!

"I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's
hard to pronounce. "
"I'm really easy to get along with once you learn to
worship me. "
"It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word
you're saying. "
After she says something dumb,
"You know, it's a good thing you're pretty."
I always get that playful punch in the arm.
In a similar vein I will tell girls 'once your looks
go you're going to be in trouble'
When some chick is busting on you, respond with,
"Damn, it's a good thing I have such high self esteem.
That could've really hurt my feelings."
Or if you've been running the C&F hard and it's
obvious you're a totally self assured bastard, you can
reply with the opposite. "OMG, as if my self esteem
wasn't low enough as it is." If you've already
conveyed higher status than her, you'll only be
reminding her how impregnable your self esteem
actually is and you'll force her IOI's.
I've had girls respond with, "Yeah right, you're the
most confident guy I've ever met." This is something
like the equivilant of a guy telling a girl, "You've
got the biggest tits I've ever seen."
Some girl was just telling me she felt to lazy to go
smoke a cigarette and I replied:
"Attractive, you're really the pick of the litter
huh?"
Anytime i get the punch I am like that one's postable!
lol (i like amusing myself)
if a girl ever puts up a smiley (like on aim) with
it's tongue sticking out I respond
"put away that tongue unless you plan to use it"
- Your fly's down
- I know your type
- My mother warned me about girls like you
- You remind me of one of those little Precious
Moments dolls (Credit to Bang Bros)
- Guys like me are over-rated
- You already had your chance with me
- Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
- I'm sorry, did I skip the part where I try to
impress you?
- That's not gangster
- Wow, I'm impressed. Hey everyone, let's all give
*name* a round of applause (Another credit to Bang

Bros)
Her: Would you... (asking for favor)
You: Do fish have nipples?
Her: Nice hair
You: Thanks, I grew it myself
While shes talking (better in group)
Her:bla bla bla
You: Thats very, veeery interesting ''yawn''
This is a great one to use when they're overselling
themselves. My version goes like this:
Yawn loudly and then make your yawns progressively
longer and louder until you get that "how rude!" look
or a hit on the arm and then follow up with "No, no
please continue - I ALWAYS yawn when I'm interested!"
If (when) she does it again pretend to drift off to
sleep and follow up with
"I'm sorry I was having a lovely dream!"
"Did you spike my drink?"
"No, no please continue I often slip into a coma when
I'm REALLY interested!"
I'm sorry for talking while you were interrupting
Said in child's voice "you like me, I'm
telllllllllllinngggg"
been using that one alot lately.
"this relationship is on the fence!"
or
"you're sleeping on the couch tonight!"
I told a girl that she wants me and she respodned
magic 8 balls says outlook not so good, try again
later. WOW!
Anything magic 8 ball related probably works really
well (probably need the exact phrasing though)
HAHAHAHAHA! Instant ****-test dispeller for any
situation.
Here are the 20 standard responses from the 8-ball
toy:
* Signs point to yes.
* Yes.
* Most likely.
* Without a doubt.
* Yes - definitely.
* As I see it, yes.
* You may rely on it.
* Outlook good.
* It is certain.
* It is decidedly so.

* Reply hazy, try again.

* Better not tell you now.
* Ask again later.
* Concentrate and ask again.
* Cannot predict now.
* My sources say no.
* Very doubtful.
* My reply is no.
* Outlook not so good.
* Don't count on it.
And so that I'm actually contributing something new,
I'll add something entirely different below.
she tells a story about something naughty or bad she
did:"you know what, i like you. i dont care what the
men's room wall says about u."
with a sad shake of the head "kids these days...." - I
say this to any age.
"have you been experimenting with your dosage?"
I just threw one out on a conversation it went
something like this:
HB: blah blah something incredibly stupid blah blah
M: WOW!(really impressed). You deserve a medal for
that. (very sarcastically)
M: BUT you get silver, not gold.
If you gamed her well so far she will definately ask
why silver not gold. This is where you can say
something along the lines of "because you do x". let x
= behaviour, habit. I know it makes no sense but it
works. Then you can tease her further creating an
inside joke (comfort). If she asks you how does that
make sense you say "i told you already, you should
have listened!"
If she says something stupid:
"I don't know what you'er on but i am sure they offer
treatment / have rehab for it"
or
"I don't know what you're on but i will take two of
them"
Whenever I accuse a girl of liking me and she
playfully denies, I respond with:
"Yeah right, you're totally going to write about me in
your diary tonight. It's going to be all like..."
(said in a girly voice) "DEAR DIARY, I MET THIS
TOTALLY CUTE GUY NAMED <your name> TODAY, HE'S REALLY
COOL AND SMART AND FUNNY, AND I HOPE HE LIKES ME
BECAUSE I TOTALLY LIKE HIM! BUT I CAN'T TELL ANYONE
BECAUSE BOYS HAVE COOTIES! HEART SMILEY FACE <her

name>!"
Cue the laughing & arm-punching.
If she starts talking crazy "we are doing this, or omg
this, or blah blah blah"
you respond "I want my money back!! I didnt sign up
for this!!!"
Banter from a t-shirt I saw a girl wearing in the gym
today
Look I would love to agree with you
But I hate being wrong
I keep on interrupting a girl then when she trys to
carry on talking I say "Oh my god, stop talking when
I'm trying to interrupt".
Usually end up following up with "Whoa fiesty" but it
depends what she says.
When she looks at you at any time,
"Don't look at me in that tone of voice"
AMOG: *tries to hug you or touch you in any way*
PUA: Whoa, I'm not yet comfortable enough in your
masculinity...
"Yeah, well you know, you're very good looking... the
thing about good looking people, people don't like us"
- said with a wink and sarcasm - so money
this is a guaranteed smack on the arm.
when she DHVs or tells you smth about herself,
"well, i guess i could live with that... it wont be
easy though."
or if she complains she's fat or that she had a bad
hair day or smth along those lines
"i didnt want to say anything!"
I've been waiting so long to use this banter from
Styles video that I'll probably blow it. Its funny
even if, like Style says, it doesn't make sense. The
girl has to throw back strong banter:
PUA "I eat girls like you for breakfest"
HB "Well, I eat guys like you for lunch"
PUA "That's cool, I'm not hungry anyway".
This illustrates real mastery--you banter, she equals
you, and THEN you still come through with a badass
response.
If you don't have one, and she bests you:
PUA "Respect!" (tap fist to heart, nod head). Give her
a hug/kino

I think the "I'm saving the world one XXX at a time"

works.
I'm saving the world one drunk girl at a time
I'm saving the world one troublemaking blonde at a
time
I'm saving the world one powerpuff girl at a time.
Etc
Whenever a girl tries to make you jump through a hoop
or says something to throw you..
"Look [name], don't play hard to get with me... it was
cute at first... but we both know i'm better at it"
Her- something stupid
You- *raise eyebrow and laugh*... ok, you've just lost
your talking privileges for the next hour/rest of the
night/whatever time.
Anyone: (answers question wrong)
PUA: No, but thanks for playing!
"you say funny stuff sometimes.. thats not one of em, but sometimes you say funny stuff"
or
"your funny sometimes, not right now, but sometimes you are!"
I've used both and they work great.
You are comparing her to something you can say your like the diet version. He said you're evil but not
evil like I thought... more like the diet evil. That's hilarious (credit Braddock.)
Had a woman flip me the bird. I just smiled and shook my head. Told her "not even on your birthday"
A girl at work tried to interrupt a conversation I was having.
Me: It's rude to interrupt adults when they're talking.
Girl: What time is it?
Guy: Time for you to get a watch.