FEATURE:

APRIL
Whats Goin On?
WHATS Things to do
Reactive Attachment
Disorder - A New
BOREDOM
BUSTERS
INSIDE: and see nearby.
PAGE 2
Understanding
PAGE 3
PAGE 5
2017
R E S O U R C E S , N E W S & I N F O R M AT I O N F O R A D O P T I V E FA M I L I E S I N T E H A M A C O U N T Y

MY LIFE: From Rage to Reason by Serena Pickle

Hello! My name is Serena and Id like to take Then, when I was 4 and Scott was 7, we met Doctors, however, couldnt come up with
you through the journey of my life so far. our adoptive parents. They were therapeutic a definite diagnosis for me. Their theories
Unfortunately, it didnt start out very well. I foster parents, but they were not prepared. ranged from autism, to identity disorder, to
was born in Tennessee and doctors needed Nothing they tried could settle me down. I multiple personality disorder. Medications,
to detoxify me right away because of the kicked holes in my bedroom wall and door, some of which were not intended for young
drugs and alcohol in my system. Ten days and Mom and Dad had to board up my children, didnt help. The only point of
later, after nurses told my birth mom that no window so I couldnt throw myself out of it. agreement between the doctors was that I
one would adopt a drug baby, she took me Mom says my room was like a bomb area, would never be able to function normally in
home to live with my older brother and sister, with everything in ruins. Mom and Dad spent a family.
Scott and Gina. hours holding me close to keep me safe. While I was in the hospital, Mom did some
A year later, social services removed Scott, All I can remember about that time is that I reading and found out about attachment
Gina, and me due to neglect and abuse. was very angry, and I didnt know why. I had disorder. Suddenly, my troubling behavior
Gina went to live with her birth dad, but my no idea how to keep myself from lashing out, began to make sense. The closer Mom and
brother and I entered foster care. By the screaming, and raging when I felt negative Dad got, the more scared I became and the
time I was four, Scott and I had been through emotions starting to build inside me. harder I fought to push them away. Mom
14 placements. Some were with relatives, Less than a year after Mom adopted me, wasnt going to give up on me and she refused
some with foster parents, and at times we she took me to a psychiatric facility. She and to put me in a group home.
lived in a Methodist childrens home. Some Dad were exhausted from living in constant Within a few years, Mom and Dad moved the
placements lasted only a week. They tell me turmoil and losing sleep to make sure I family to Colorado so we could be closer to an
that my screaming and violent behavior, and wasnt going to hurt myself or anyone else. out-of-home treatment program that seemed
the need to keep Scott and me together, They also didnt think Scotts needs were promising. Scott got help too. Mom and Dad
caused a lot of the moves. being adequately addressed. were involved in the treatment and visited me
regularly in the out-of-home placement.
Sometime when I was nine, things started to
It's STILL not too late to get your Starbucks Card! click in my head. I was in isolation after having
a tantrum and began to realize that I was

FREE
only hurting myself by acting out that way. It
We only ask one small favor ... dawned on me that my behavior was a choice,
Visit www.togetheronpurpose.org and something I could change.
and fill out the survey to let us know
Life wasnt great right away, of course, but I

STARBUCKS
what services YOUR FAMILY would
steadily made progress and was able to end
find valuable. Then, fill out the contact
therapy by the time I was 14. School success,
form, and we'll send your gift card out!
happily, came far more easily. I graduated

GIFT CARD
Eligibility: Must be over 18. Must be a foster or adoptive
parent in the Tehama County area (we're interpreting that
from high school ahead of schedule and went
pretty loosely, but keep in mind, supplies are limited). on to college. The doctors grim predictions
One submission (and Starbucks card) per adult. While
supplies last. Rules are subject to change at any time.
when I was five never came true.

Continued on page 4

Together on Purpose April 2017 1

WHATS GOIN ON? Coming
Events &
Activities

APRIL 2017 24 "Understanding Your Child's

School Evaluations" Training SAVE THE DATE!
11 bFetal Alcohol Spectrum
Disorder Group (FASD) (Chico)
Monday, April 24, 10AM - 12PM at Lilliput
16TH ANNUAL
CAMP ALWAYS
Childrens Services, 289 Rio Lindo Ave.
Tuesday, April 11, 9:30-11:30AM, Lilliput Chico. Evaluation reports can be difficult
Childrens Services, 289 Rio Lindo Ave. to understand. And each person may write
Chico. Marji Thomas, MA, CCC is facilitating up the results in a different manner. In JUNE 19 - 23, 2017
this new support group, focusing on this training well show you, the parent, Held at Mt. Cross in Ben Lomond, CA in
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. The examples of many common evaluations the beautiful coastal redwood forest of
FASD Support Group will provide general and well point out the key areas you the Santa Cruz Mountains, Camp ALWAYS
information, resources, referral information should be focusing on. Our experienced is an award-winning Adoptive Family camp
and provide a supportive circle for you and trainers will also discuss which areas of that features lodging, meals, workshops
your family. Please join us every month for your childs development can be evaluated, and respite for parents, children's
this new and informative support group. why evaluations are needed, the timelines activities and FAMILY FUN!
For more information, contact Alice McKee, involved, and more. Feel free to have your
MSW- 530.828.8731 AMcKee@Lilliput.org For questions or rate information, contact
childs actual evaluation report handy camp@Lilliput.org or 916-678-7254

12 bAdoptive Teens Group during the training. After the training,

schedule a appointment with Wendy Registration forms available April 1st at
Wednesday, April 12, 6:30- Longwell from Rowell Family Empowerment www.lilliput.org.
7:30PM, Lilliput Childrens Services, 289 of Northern California, Inc. To RSVP or for
Rio Lindo Ave. Chico. Monthly group for more information, call Elisa: 530-896-1920

More Resources
adoptive teens! All participants will receive
refreshments and a $20 gift certificate.
MAY 2017
For more information or to RSVP, please
for Adoptive
contact Elisa Chavez at 530-896-1920.
9 bFetal Alcohol Spectrum
Disorder Group (FASD) (Chico) Families:
15 bLilliput Families
EGG-STRAVAGANZA
Tuesday, May 9, 9:30-11:30AM, Lilliput
Childrens Services, 289 Rio Lindo Ave.
Chico. Marji Thomas, MA, CCC is facilitating Support Groups:
Saturday, April 15, Lunch at 12PM, Egg
Hunt at 1PM at Oak Way Park, 1500 W. 8th this new support group, focusing on
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. The
Yuba, Sutter, Colusa, Glenn Counties
Ave., Chico. Bring a basket for the hunt and For Support Groups held in Yreka,
something to sit on! Egg hunts for ages: FASD Support Group will provide general Mt. Shasta, Orland or Sacramento contact
walking - 12 yrs. Taco Bar, fixings and Salad information, resources, referral information Leslie Damschoder at 530.879.3861
provided. Desserts welcome (potluck-style). and provide a supportive circle for you and
Please RSVP with ages of children and your family. Please join us every month for Butte County Post Adoptive Services
number of persons in your family to reserve this new and informative support group. Support Group, Drop in Assistance, WRAP
For more information, contact Alice McKee, Family Support Group ... For info, call Miko:
a spot. Call Abby or Elisa: 530-896-1920.
MSW- 530.828.8731 AMcKee@Lilliput.org 530-209-0817, Heather: 916-475-7198 or
Deborah: 530-896-1920

18 bTogether on Purpose Network

& Resource Group
Tuesday, Aril 18, 3:30 - 4:30PM
16 bTogether on Purpose Network
& Resource Group Education:
Tuesday, May 16, 3:30 - 4:30PM
Alternatives to Violence Counseling Center,
20 Antelope Blvd., Red Bluff (on the corner
Alternatives to Violence Counseling Center, Sierra Forever Families
20 Antelope Blvd., Red Bluff (on the corner Seminars on topics like Attachment,
of Antelope Blvd. & Rio St., in the same of Antelope Blvd. & Rio St., in the same Understanding Poverty, Understanding
complex as the Copy Center). Come meet complex as the Copy Center). Come meet Trauma, and more. Leslie Damschoder
with professional therapist Scott Howell, with professional therapist Scott Howell, 530.879.3861
MFTI and other Tehama County adoptive MFTI and other Tehama County adoptive
families for support, networking and families for support, networking and The Attach Place
resource sharing. Free childcare provided resource sharing. Free childcare provided
Center for Strengthening Relationships
on-site. All adoptive families welcome. For 3406 American River Drive, Suite D
on-site. All adoptive families welcome. For Sacramento, CA 95864
more information, call 530-727-9423 or more information, call 530-727-9423 or ce@attachplace.com (916) 403-0588
email acurry@atvrb.org. We look forward to email acurry@atvrb.org. We look forward to
seeing you there! seeing you there!

2 An Alternatives to Violence Project

An Alternatives to made possible
Violence through
project, madeapossible
collaboration with
through the Tehama
partnership County
with Department
the Tehama CountyofPermanency
Social Services
Team.
Reactive Attachment Disorder:
by Heather T. Forbes, LCSW A New Understanding
Reactive attachment disorder (RAD) is attends to the childs needs, whether by fact, we all become attachment-challenged
a mental health diagnosis listed in the feeding, rocking, or simply holding him. Each to some degree when were stressed. Reflect
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental and every one of these interactions with for a moment on the last time you were overly
Disorders (DSM-IVTR) under disorders the parent plays a critical part in assisting stressed: How did you react when someone
usually first diagnosed in infancy, childhood, the development of the childs neuro- tried to interact with you? Be honest! Perhaps
or adolescence. RAD was initially introduced physiological control systemthe system that you had difficulty interacting appropriately.
to the mental health community some 20 allows the child to return back to a calm state. Stress causes confused and distorted thinking,
years ago. Since that time, much of the It is truly through this parent-child relationship and it constricts us emotionally, leaving little
information regarding this disorder has that we as humans learn how to self-regulate room for relationships. Thus, a child with a
painted a dismal and often dangerous picture in order to stay balanced and easily shift traumatic history who is living in a stressful,
of these children. Books and articles have from a state of stress back to a state of calm. fear-based state, simply is not capable of
compared children with RAD to serial killers, This regulatory mechanism within us is not nor equipped to be in a relationship. From a
rapists, and hard- core criminals. Intensive online at birth, and brain research has behavioral standpoint, a child living in a state
and often physically aggressive therapies shown that it takes up to thirty months before of fear simply cannot act in a loving way. The
have been developed to treat these children. this part of the brain is fully developed. Within frightening behaviors listed above are only
Additionally, unconventional parenting this thirty-month timeframe, a well-attuned external reflections of the internal fear and
techniques have been taught to parents parent has connected with this child to calm chaos within these children. They are simply
in order to control these childrenchildren his stress response system thousands, if not behaviors that are intended for survival.
referred to as disturbed or unattached. millions, of times. How critical these first thirty Treatment for the attachment-challenged
The main premise of RAD is that the child months are to a baby! It is through the parent- child needs to address this internal fear.
cannot socially connect or attach to others child relationship that a childs self-regulatory When the childs stress state can be soothed,
in interpersonal relationships. Behaviors ability becomes engaged. This internal and the deep wounds driving the fearful
inhibiting attachment to caretakers are regulatory system then sets the foundation for behaviors can be acknowledged, the child
often demonstrated by children diagnosed the childs neurological, physical, emotional, has an opportunity for healing. Yes, healing is
with RAD. Some of the behavioral symptoms behavioral, cognitive, and social development. possible, but it takes intense work and many,
published in literature include the following: When a child does not receive loving, many repetitions of positive experiences to
oppositional; frequent and intense anger nurturing care, the childs ability to develop recondition the bodys reactions. It is also
outbursts, manipulative or controlling; little or a sufficient regulatory system is severely essential that the therapeutic attachment
no conscience; destructive to self, others, and compromised. In cases of severe neglect techniques and parenting paradigms enlisted
property; cruelty to animals or killing animals; and abuse, the childs life is literally at risk. for these children be grounded in neurological
gorging or hoarding food; and preoccupation For these children, their internal survival research and based in love and compassion.
with fire, blood, or violence. mechanisms become activated, dedicating Such techniques can offer ways to create
Wow! Read that list again. Many of these all the bodys resources to remain alert in peaceful environments within the home
behaviors sound downright frightening. It survival mode. These children perceive that work to recreate safety and security in
is hard to imagine that a child can do these the world as threatening from a neurological, the insecure foundations set within these
things. Yet, while these behaviors certainly physical, emotional, cognitive, and social children.
appear abnormal for anyone, especially a perspective. These children operate from a A word of caution from the author: Some
child, they are actually quite reasonable paradigm of fear to ensure their safety and therapists specializing in attachment
reactions to the experiences these children security. Hence, we see an overly stressed- therapy work from a fear-based platform
have endured. Read on. out child who has difficulty interacting in and recommend techniques that are
relationships, who struggles to behave in confrontational, aggressive, child-centered
There are many life events that can cause a loving way, who quite often cannot think
attachment trauma between the primary instead of family-centered, and fear-based.
clearly, and who swings back and forth in his While these techniques sometimes offer
caretaker (usually the mother) and the child. emotional states due to an underdeveloped
These include an unwanted pregnancy, short-term results, families using them are
regulatory system. While perceived by most often faced with more severe long-term pain
separation from the birthmother due to professionals as dangerous, a child with RAD
adoption, death of a parent, premature birth, and challenges. Many of these therapies and
is essentially a scared and stressed child therapists have separated themselves from
inconsistent caretakers, abuse, neglect, living out of a primal survival mode in order to
chronic pain, long-term hospitalizations with dangerous techniques that have resulted
maintain his existence. in the tragic death of children in the past;
separations from the mother, and parental
depression. Such life events interrupt a With this understanding, the term however, they continue to lack compassion
childs ability to learn to self-regulate through attachment-challenged becomes more and are grounded in fear. Some examples of
the relationship with the parent. appropriate to use with children instead of these techniques include instructing parents
the traditional label of RAD child. In times of to force eye contact with their children; have
Typically, when a baby or small child is in stress, this child is challenged to connect and children do excessive chores to feel a part of
a state of stress, he cries and the parent his ability to make connection is restricted. In Continued on page 4

Together on Purpose April 2017 3 possible

An Alternatives to Violence Project made
RAD ... continued from Page 3 Center for Victory: www.centerforvictory.com healing to begin. Yes, it is hard work and it
Child Trauma Academy: www.childtrauma.org takes endurance and faith, but creating a
the family system; send children to respite Therapeutic Fairy Tales: foreverchild.net peaceful home is possible!
care out of the home for making poor choices;
As a therapist specializing in working with
give up their need to communicate love to
attachment-challenged children, I am
their children; and put locks on the outside of
overwhelmed by great sadness every time I Heather Forbes, LCSW, is the
childrens doors to keep them safe. When
initially speak with a parent seeking help for co-founder of the Beyond
looking for appropriate interventions for
their family. This sadness stems from the Consequences Institute,
families, be alert to these specific techniques.
realization that all of these wounds and pain LLC. Ms. Forbes has
Be aware, as well, of techniques that talk could have been avoided. Babies are born in been training in the
in general about gaining control of a child a spirit of love, but it is lifes circumstances field of trauma and
and viewing the child as manipulative. that shift them into a spirit of fear. All it takes attachment with nationally
These techniques are child-blaming, parent- to maintain this spirit of love is high quality recognized, first- generation
controlling, and devoid of scientific research. care giving; it takes an emotionally available attachment therapists since
It is counterproductive to feed more fear into parent to create a secure and loving base for 1999. She has been active in the field of
an already scared child. When seeking help, a child. Attachment Parenting in the formative adoption with experience ranging from pre-
it is highly recommended that you have a years, from conception to three years old, sets adoption to post-adoption clinical work. Ms.
thorough understanding of the basis for each the foundation for all future relationships, Forbes is an internationally published author,
therapy being considered. and it gives the childs bodys own internal with her most recent book titled, Beyond
When parents first begin realizing that they regulatory system the opportunity to develop Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-
are dealing with an attachment-challenged to its fullest. The old adage, an ounce of based Approach for Helping Attachment-
child, they have likely already experienced prevention is worth a pound of cure says Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors,
many severe and disruptive behaviors in their everything in the context of Attachment endorsed by Sir Richard Bowlby, son of John
homes. In these experiences, they themselves Parenting. Bowlby. As a speaker, her passion for families
often begin to slip into their own fear and see If youre currently struggling with a child(ren) is known throughout the nation.
the child as a threat (at times so threatening exhibiting symptoms of RAD whos early Ms. Forbes consults with and coaches
that they simply want the child out of their beginnings were far from nurturing and families both nationally and internationally
home, forever). Because the behaviors can secure, I want to encourage you to have hope. who are struggling with children with severe
be so intense, it is easy to lose sight of the behaviors. Much of her experience and
Several years ago, I found myself in the
childs realitythat of a young person living in insight on understanding trauma, disruptive
same situation, waking up every morning
a world of pain, fear, and isolation. Resources behaviors, and attachment-related issues has
wondering how I was going to make it through
are available, and hope for these families is come from her direct mothering experience
the day. In learning more about my children
real. Suggested resources on the Internet with her two adopted children.
and understanding that their behaviors were
include:
driven from a deeply wounded place, I was Beyond Consequences Institute, LLC 2007
Beyond Consequences Institute: able to parent them in a way that allowed www.beyondconsequences.com
www.beyondconsequences.com

MY LIFE ... continued from Page 1 to three times a week. When my dad died More than 10 years ago, on the day I was
Children in my therapeutic foster placements unexpectedly this summer, she was my rock confirmed at church, I suddenly noticed that
were the first to inspire me to consider even as she grieved her loss. And when I my mom had tears streaming down her face.
teaching. One girl had multiple disabilities, got engaged at Christmas, she was there to I asked what was wrong, and she told me
and a boy I knew was blind and had cerebral celebrate with me. that she had been praying for help and God
palsy. While going through treatment, these My siblings, Scott and Gina, are precious too. kept assuring her that everything would work
children were the first people I learned to love Thanks to Moms sleuthing, we were able to out. She was finally able to see that the many
and wanted to help. Then, in middle school, I reconnect with Gina and her family when I trials we endured had led to good. And every
got involved in Special Olympics, and served was 14. Now all three of us are a part of both day since, she has been able to see how her
as a summer camp counselor, a teacher, and families, and we even celebrate some holidays and Dads love and dedication transformed
a coach. together. The relationships I have with my an angry, out-of-control pre-schooler into the
family seem much like the relationships my happy, healthy, and productive young woman
I now hold a master of arts degree in
friends have with their families, but theres an Ive become.
education/special education, and bachelor
important difference. I dont take my family Originally Published in Adoptalk, Winter 2010
of arts degree in English and secondary From Adoptalk, published by the North American Council
education. Currently Im teaching middle for granted, and the chaos I experienced early on Adoptable Children, 970 Raymond Avenue, Suite 106,
school English to a classroom of students on makes me deeply value family in ways my St. Paul, MN 55114; 651-644-3036; www.nacac.org
that all have different abilities. It is just what friends cant quite understand.
I wanted to do. At my wedding this February, Gina was
The most important thing in my life, though, my matron of honor, and Scott walked me
The author,
is my family. My parents helped me conquer down the aisle to the man who is now my Serena Pickle,
unnamed demons, and taught me how to husband. My family is now connected with with her parents.
value family and live life. My mom and I talk my husbands family (and vice versa), and I
constantly these days and get together two couldnt be happier.

4 An Alternatives to Violence Project

An Alternatives to made possible
Violence through
project, madeapossible
collaboration with
through the Tehama
partnership County
with Department
the Tehama CountyofPermanency
Social Services
Team.
 TIC-TAC-TOE

BOREDOM BUSTERS
Springtime Word Search
D Y Y L W G Y T M L V K C P L A F L J Y O I B Z L Y W
BASEBALL
A L B D J A N U L J P L S Z S D J A B Y R C B O J Q S
BEE
Y F G L O I R A J I V U H R N Q E D W M H A X Q E Q J
BIRD
O R P N V U B M N B Q O L I Z N S J U M W W K L U A O
BUTTERFLY
H E P U I E T T O N G X O J M G S R J K D A V W K K I
Q T R D S R N S Z B V F U C P Q U R P U F B V F T F E FLOWER

Y T R A L O P Q I F E O D E A E E V D T D E S I M D B LADYBUG

D U B D I H H S Y D D X A A Q S R Q C U O G R S M F T OUTSIDE
I B O Q Z J J R N R E P C I N C I P B I R D I E E O L PICNIC
I R M T G K W A N Z T R I F E L Z L W Q B L H G Q M D RAINBOW
L A D Y B U G I U F R Y L Y F T W E Q L F H C Y E I N SPRING
L S R S E E U N S T Q O D C D U R X C Z E K W Z H Y B SUNNY
M B D E E B T B B U W N K K H Q P U N C X F L V M E N WARM
W T S M R M G O S E I R T V A Y Q H R E K V T W W B M WINDY
T D T F O J L W R W E W A V Z L F T D Q H D O Y T K V

5 possible
AConnect theTHE
Dots!
Together on Purpose March 2016 An Alternatives to Violence Project made
TO Z CONNECT DOTS
WORD JUMBLE ANSWERS: SHAMROCK, LUCKY, GREEN, IRISH, LEPRECHAUN, GOLD, RAINBOW, POT, CLOVER

E TIC-TAC-TOE
Together on Purpose April 2017 5 possible
An Alternatives to Violence Project made
 An Alternatives to Violence Project made possible through a collaboration with the Tehama County Department of Social Services

APR
2017
R E S O U R C E S , N E W S & I N F O R M AT I O N F O R A D O P T I V E FA M I L I E S I N T E H A M A C O U N T Y

It's STILL not too late to get your ...

FREE STARBUCKS GIFT CARD
See inside for details!

1805 Walnut Street Red Bluff, California 96080

Alternatives to Violence