Marriage process

Arranged marriages in Pakistan often take long periods of time to finalize. The time from
preparation until wedding day may be more than a year. When the wedding date approaches, all
close relatives are invited for a typical Pakistani wedding that requires a considerable budget in
order to accommodate them. In some cases, wedding dates are even postponed until the
important relatives are able to arrive to the location of the reception from abroad. The wedding
customs and celebrations also differ significantly depending on the geographical location as well
as the families involved. However, a typical Pakistani wedding has at least three main customs
involving the Henna ceremony (Rasme Henna), the vows or the Nikah which is a part of the
actual wedding or Shaadi ceremony, and a subsequent Walima offered by the groom's family.

Arranged marriages
Further information: Arranged marriage

Arranged marriages are still prevalent in Pakistan. Marriages are often arranged within the family
or within the same tribe or ethnicity. Social and educational status are very important in arranged
matrimonial alliances. However, an arranged marriage is not a 'forced' marriage but instead is an
alliance encouraged and arranged by the parents with consent of the couple to be wed.
Nowadays, love marriages are slowly becoming more common and acceptable in Pakistan.

Proposal party
A proposal party is a reception made in the bride's house, where the groom's parents and family
elders formally ask the bride's parents for her hand in marriage. In religious families once the
wedding proposal is accepted the families read Surah Al-Fatihah, and then tea and refreshments
are served. Depending on individual family tradition, the bride to be may also be presented with
an item of jewelry and the guests may present the groom with gifts of gold.

Engagement
Further information: Engagement

An engagement (Urdu: ‫( )منگنی‬Mangni), is a formal ceremony to mark the engagement of the

couple.[1] It is usually a small ceremony that takes place in the presence of a few close members
of would-be bride's & groom’s families. Rings and other items of jewelery amongst affluent
families are exchanged between the would be bride and groom. Traditionally, the bride and the
groom were not seated together and the rings are placed on the bride's finger by the groom's
mother or sister and vice versa. In recent years however, segregated functions have become a
rarity and rings are usually exchanged between the couple. Prayer and blessings for the couple
are then recited and the wedding date is decided.
Mayoon
Mayoon or mayun (Urdu: ‫)مايوں‬, is celebrated at the bride's house. Usually the bride's friends and
close relatives get together at her house to dance and sing, often accompanied by drum music.
Generally, the bride's family give bangles and sometimes clothes to her friends, depending on
what the family can afford. The evening also usually includes a henna where the women decorate
each others' hands with Henna. The mayoon can last up to late night. The bride usually wears a
simple yellow Shalwar Qameez. Traditionally, Mayun meant the custom of the bride entering into
the state of seclusion eight to fifteen days before the wedding. She is made free of all the chores
and errands during this time. However, since most women work in present times, Mayun has
been reduced to a single night celebration of singing, dancing and applying Ubtan to the bride.
The bride and groom are not allowed to see each other after the Mayun begins.

The beautification rituals begin during this time, such as the application of Ubtan. Ubtan is a paste
made from turmeric, sandalwood powder, herbs and aromatic oils, which groom's mother brings
for bride. She blesses bride and applies “ubtan’ to the bride's hands and face. Groom's sister also
does the same, and a thick string called a “gana" ( Bangles made of Flowers) is tied to the bride’s
arm. “Ubtan” is applied to the bride's skin each day leading up to the wedding. It was supposed to
encourage a glowing, fresh complexion for the wedding day.

Dholki
The Dholki or Dholak (Urdu: ‫ )ڈھولکی‬celebration takes its name from the percussion instrument
Dholki, which is featured heavily during this wedding celebrations. Traditionally, many days, or
even weeks before the actual wedding day, women will gather in the house of the bride at night,
to sing and dance while accompanied by percussion instruments. Today, this ceremony has also
been reduced to a single night of singing and is often combined with Mehndi or Henna ceremony.

[Mehndi

Mehndi (Urdu: ‫( )مہندی‬rasm-e-henna), or the Rasm-e-henna ceremony, typically takes place one
or two days prior to the main wedding day. The event is traditionally held separately for
thebride and the groom The henna is symbolically placed on the couple's hands. The groom's
friends and family bring along sweets and henna for the bride, and the bride's family does the
same for the groom. On the bride's ceremony, the groom normally does not participate and
similarly, on the groom's event the bride stays at home. Female guests are sometimes offer
mehndi at the host's discretion.

Traditionally, since there were separate functions for both the bride and the groom, the groom's
function was called 'Tael' (oil) where female guests put some oil into the groom's hair. With the
ceremony now held simultaneously for both the groom and the bride, the use of the term 'tael' has
diminished greatly. In some cases, the entire ceremony is instead referred to as "Tael Mehndi"
(Oil and Henna) ceremony.

The bride normally wears a green dress or yellows/orange for the Henna celebration and uses
only light, or mostly, no make-up. The groom will typically wear a casual Shalwar Qameez. The
bride and/or the groom are brought forward in the ceremony under a decorative dupatta by their
close relatives. In the bridal ceremony, a certain number of married women who are closely
related to the bride apply henna to her hands, and feed her sweets. This ritual is supposed to
bring good luck and longevity to the bride's married life. Similarly, on the groom's side, oil is
applied to his head and sweets are fed to the groom.

A song competition also occurs in the Rasme Henna or Mehndi celebrations between the bride
and groom's side. Young women and men will sing teasing songs about the other side (where the
bride's side pokes good natured fun at the groom's side and vice versa) and try to compete in this
ritual sing song. Sometimes elaborate musical and acting performances are part of the Mehndi
celebrations. Elaborate dance sequences and competitions between the bride and groom's
families are also quite common these days.

Traditionally, the Mehendi was considered a women's event and men did not participate in it. The
sing song etc. was left almost entirely to women. However, this has changed substantially in
recent times with males featuring prominently in the Mehndi celebrations as well. A recent trend
gaining popularity is to announce a colour theme for the mehendi whereby guests are supposed
to dress up in a particular colour. Commonly used colours are bright reds, oranges and yellows.

]Barat

Barat (Urdu: ‫ )برات‬is the procession of the family, relatives, and friends of the groom and they
accompany the groom to the bride’s home for the official wedding ceremony. The groom makes
his way to the bride's home on a richly decked horse or car and the “barat” follows in different
vehicles. Usually they are also accompanied by a band playing wedding songs. The groom is
given a warm welcome by the bride’s family with flower garlands and rose petals thrown upon the
procession by the bride's sisters, cousins and friends.

Nikah
A bride signing the marriage contract, Nikaah at a Pakistani wedding

Nikah (Urdu: ‫ )نكاح‬is an Islamic official wedding ceremony that usually takes place at the bride’s
home. Nikah is attended by close family members, relatives, and friends of groom and bride.
Usually, the men and women are made to sit separately, in different rooms, or have a curtain
separating them.

The nikah-naama (marriage contract) is registered during the nikah. The nikah-naama contains
several terms and conditions that are to be respected by the bride and groom. It can include the
bride’s right to divorce her husband (if the stipulation is made so in the contract, but in Islamic
methodology, the right to divorce is given only to the husband). Nikah-naama specifies mahr, the
monetary amount the groom will give the bride. Meher includes two amounts in Pakistani culture,
but in Islamic belief is one total amount; one that is due before the marriage is consummated and
the other that is a deferred amount given to the bride at a time to be determined. The meher
guarantees the bride's freedom within the marriage, and acts as the bride's safety net.

The fathers of groom and bride (waris) act as witnesses to the wedding. If the father is not
available, the senior male, brother or uncle performs the ceremony. An Islamic imam (called
maulana or maulvi in Urdu) reads the prophetic sermon for marriage which also consists of
selected verses from the Quran and waits for the Ijab-e-Qubul (proposal and acceptance) of
wedding. Usually, the groom's side makes proposal and the bride's side conveys her assent.
Maulvi and witnesses (gavah) take the nikah-naama to the bride and read it to her aloud. She
accepts the nikah-naama saying "qabool kiya," and signs it. The nikah-naama is then taken to the
groom and reads aloud to him. He also accepts saying "qabool kiya" and signs the document.
The maulvi and witnesses all sign the nikah-naama contract and the wedding becomes legal. The
maulvi recites the Fatihah (first chapter of the Quran), and various durud (blessings/salutations
upon the Prophet) to mark the closing of nikah ceremony.

After the wedding is legally announced, dishes of dates and misri are served to the groom's
family. The groom is then escorted to his bride where he is allowed to sit beside his wife.

[edit]Wedding

Further information: Wedding

The groom usually arrives at the wedding with a band playing dhols, trumpets and horns - signalling the arrival of
the men's side of the family
Families and friends enjoy a wedding ceremony in a marquee

A Wedding (Urdu: ‫( )شادی‬Shaadi) is when the bride's reception formally takes place. The event
takes place at the bride's house where large wedding tents may be set up in the garden or a
nearby place. It has also become very common to hold the event in a marriage hall or hotel. The
bride's family is responsible for the reception and arrangements of the day.

The barat or grooms procession indicates the arrival of the groom's family and friends to the
bride's house. The barat is often accompanied by the rhythms of a dhol (drum) as it arrives and is
greeted with flowers and rose petals by the bride's family. It is customary for the bride's sisters
and friends to stop the barat from entering the arena until a sufficient amount of cash is given to
them. This can lead to bantering, but usually harmless and just for fun, between the bride's sisters
and friends on one side and the groom's brothers and friends on the other side.

The bride traditionally wears a red,pink or purple gharara, lehenga or shalwar kameez which is
heavily embroidered. However, other bright colors may also be worn. The dress is always
accompanied with heavy gold jewelery. The groom may wear a traditional dress such
assherwani with a sehra or turban though some may prefer to wear a western inspired suit.

The nikah is the Islamic marriage contract ceremony. It either takes place at the Shaadi itself or
on a separate day at the bride's house, before the shaadi event.

It is performed by an imam which formally indicates signing of the marriage contract. The bride
and groom must both have two witnesses present to ensure that the marriage is consensual.

A dinner is served which consists of several dishes with meat featuring heavily in the meal. Some
of the well represented dishes in a wedding meal include pullao, biryani, chaanp, chargha,
various forms of roasted fowl and lamb, various forms
of kebabs, naan, Shirmal, Taftan, Falooda,Kulfi etc. . Now however, one rice dish, one salan, and
one sweet dish is just served, as any more than this amount is banned in Pakistan.

Showing of the face

Arsi Mashaf is the ceremony of the “showing of the face” after the Nikah. A green, embroiled
shawl is generally held over the couple's head and they are made to see each other in the mirror
and the bride unveils her face that she keeps hidden during the Nikah. This custom is also called
as Mun Dikhai at times, though Mun Dikahi generally refers to the unveiling of the bride's face
after she enters her husband's house. The bride and groom share a piece of sweet fruit, and
family and friends congratulate the couple and offer gifts. Dinner is then served to the guests. The
sisters, friends, and female cousins of the bride take this opportunity to steal the groom's shoes
and demand a sum of money for their return. This is a very popular custom and the groom usually
carries a lot of cash, due to the popularity of this custom. He pays the money to get back his
shoes and the girls divide the money among themselves.

]Rukhsati

Finally, the Rukhsati takes place, when the groom and his family will leave together with the
bride. The Qur'an is normally held over the brides head as she walks from the stage to the exit in
order to bless her. This is a somber occasion for the bride's parents as it marks the departure of
their daughter from their home. The departure of the bride becomes a very emotional scene as
she says farewell to the home of her parents and siblings to start a new married life.

Traditionally, the groom travels by a decorated horse to the bride's house and after the wedding
ceremony takes his wife in a doli (palanquin) to his parents' house to live. The horse and the carts
have now been replaced by cars, and in sharp contrast to western weddings, it is typically to see
a quiet bride with wet eyes as she sits in the car beside her husband leaving for her new home.

Suhaag Raat
Suhaag raat (golden night/maiden night of married life) refers to the couples' first night together
and it occurs after the bride has left for the groom's house.

On the day of the wedding, the couples' bedroom is decorated with flowers. It is customary for
roses to be laid across the couples' bed. The groom's female relatives lead the bride to the
bedroom and she is left for some time to await the groom's arrival. At this point it is common for
the groom to stay with his relatives for a while. The groom may be offered a glass of milk during
this time. After the relatives have left, the groom enters the bedroom where the bride is waiting.
The bride adjusts the edges of her dupatta so that they cover her face. This is known as
'ghoonghat'. It is customary for the husband to brush the bride's ghoonghat aside to reveal her
face, as one of the first things he does on suhaag raat. 'Mun Dikhai', literally meaning 'revealing of
the face' is a present that is presented to the bride by her husband on this night. This is generally
a piece of jewelery such as a ring or a family ornament. In recent times, it is becoming
increasingly common for the bride to present her husband with a present on the first night as well.
For many couples suhagraat is the special night for sexual intercourse between a groom and
bride.

Walima
Walima (Urdu: ‫ )ولیمہ‬is the final day of the wedding held by couple as they host their first dinner as
husband and wife.[2] The groom's family invites all of the bride's family and their guests to their
home for a feast at their home or a marriage hall. The walima is typically the most festive event of
the wedding ceremony and intends to publicize the marriage.[3]

The bride wears a heavily decorated dress with gold jewelry provided by the groom's family.
Typical colour palettes are green or pastel shades. The groom normally opts for a formal Western
suit or tuxedo.

Wedding gift
It is customary for the Pakistani bride and groom to receive wedding presents in the form of cash.
Traditionally, an envelope with cash is giver to the bride or groom when wedding guests come to
visit them on stage during the wedding reception. Sometimes the envelope is given to a parent of
the bride or groom instead. Commonly these days, there is a box for envelopes at the wedding
reception. It is also customary for the friends and family of the couple to invite them over for
dinner and lunch after the wedding to formally accept them as a couple.

Honeymoon
It is very common for the couples to go for a honeymoon following the shaadi (wedding) and
walima ceremonies. The most popular destinations are Murree and Nathiya Gali, although more
well-off couples may go overseas for their honeymoon. The honeymoon is generally 2–7 days
long and gives a chance for the couple to spend some time in privacy, especially in joint families
where the bride lives with the husband's family.

Other customs
Pakistani wedding customs can be quite varied depending on the ethnic and geographical origins
of the bride and groom. Some of these customs are listed below

 Dastar Bandi or the "Wearing of the turban" is a ceremony which is performed in parts of
Punjab and Khyber Pakhtunkhwa. The ceremony marks the start of manhood for the groom.
Elder men in the groom's family place a turban on his head and formally include him in the
'circle of men'.
 Doodh Pilai is a ceremony which is prevalent in many Pakistani weddings. On the actual
wedding day, the sisters and cousins of the bride will bring milk for the groom. After he drinks
the milk, he is supposed to present his new sisters in law with money and presents.
 Maklava is a predominantly Punjabi custom. Traditionally, the marriages were arranged
and often contracted between people from different cities and villages. This often meant that
the bride was unfamiliar with her new family. To ease her into the new life and surroundings,
she was brought back to her parents' house a few days after the wedding. She then spent
some time at her parents' house before heading back to her new husband's home. This
practice is still prevalent in most rural areas of the Punjab.