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Solitude among contemplative cloistered nuns and monks: conceptualisation,

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Solitude among contemplative cloistered nuns and

monks: conceptualisation, coping and benefits of
spiritually motivated solitude

Glòria Durà-Vilà & Gerard Leavey

To cite this article: Glòria Durà-Vilà & Gerard Leavey (2017): Solitude among contemplative
cloistered nuns and monks: conceptualisation, coping and benefits of spiritually motivated solitude,
Mental Health, Religion & Culture, DOI: 10.1080/13674676.2017.1322049

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MENTAL HEALTH, RELIGION & CULTURE, 2017
https://doi.org/10.1080/13674676.2017.1322049

Solitude among contemplative cloistered nuns and monks:

conceptualisation, coping and benefits of spiritually
motivated solitude
Glòria Durà-Vilàa and Gerard Leaveya,b
a
Division of Psychiatry, University College London, London, UK; bThe Bamford Centre for Mental Health and
Wellbeing, University of Ulster, Derry, UK

ABSTRACT ARTICLE HISTORY

There are rising perceptions and concerns about social isolation and Received 15 March 2017
the prevalence of loneliness in Western societies and their negative Accepted 19 April 2017
impact on people’s psychological well-being. We report on an
KEYWORDS
ethnographic study conducted in two Catholic contemplative Christian monasticism;
monasteries in Spain, focusing on the nuns’ and monks’ voluntary coping; ethnography;
search for solitude. Through in-depth interviews we aimed to loneliness; solitude; religion;
explore their conceptualisation and experiences of solitude, the well-being
motivations behind their spiritual quest for it, and the benefits
and challenges that this choice entailed. An extraordinary human
template of searching for solitude emerged: although they lived
communally (they were not alone), they actively avoided intimacy
and closeness with other members of the community (they strove
to feel alone out of their own volition). Human solitude was seen
as the necessary condition for achieving perfect closeness with
God and was interpreted not as leading to isolation but as a
channel to communicate more intimately with God.

Alone, with only God. (Theresa of Jesus, 1991, p. 485 (written before 1567))

Introduction
The health and social science literature emphasise the health benefits conferred on indi-
viduals through their connectedness within social networks. In contrast, social isolation is
associated with a large number of medical conditions, such as alcohol and drug misuse,
anxiety and depression, self-harm and suicide (Cacioppo, Fowler, & Christakis, 2009).
Further, the concept of social isolation emerges as a modern phenomenon, related to
industrialisation, urbanisation and individualism, and is arguably implicated in theories
of secularisation. On the other hand, there is substantial evidence that points to the salu-
togenic properties of religion at both individual and social levels. These salutogenic prop-
erties are linked to religious values and positive lifestyle factors and they drive health-
promoting behaviour and practices such as prayer and meditation. There is also the
social capital derived from community engagement, welfare and reciprocity. Importantly,

CONTACT Glòria Durà-Vilà duravila@doctors.org.uk

© 2017 Informa UK Limited, trading as Taylor & Francis Group
2 G. DURÀ-VILÀ AND G. LEAVEY

religion provides a framework for understanding and coping with illness and suffering.
Instrumentalist and functionalist perspectives, which tend to focus narrowly on Christian
belief systems, highlight the compensatory purpose of religion through which the
deprived, suffering and lonely will find reward in heaven.
Geertz (1993) provides a useful definition of religion that embraces the social, personal
and psychological and which acknowledges the inherent and reflective power of religion.
Thus, religion, according to Geertz (1993), is
(1) a system of symbols which acts to (2) establish powerful, pervasive, and long-lasting moods
and motivations in men (3) by formulating conception of a general order of existence and (4)
clothing these conceptions with such an aura of factuality that (5) the moods and motivations
seem uniquely realistic. (pp. 87–125)

The role of religion in the public sphere and its significance in the beliefs and behaviour of
increasing numbers of people is dissolving. Thus, for many, religion has disappeared, remov-
ing a framework of meaning and direction. In recent years there has been increased wealth
and job diversification in developed liberal capitalist economies, new freedoms and oppor-
tunities concerning lifestyles, more creativity as far as sexual identity and behaviour goes,
and an expansion in travel, relationships and interests. The internet too has given rise to
rapid and regular contacts with a multitude of similar and dissimilar others. Though this
can often be a life-line for some, it can also, for many others, be characterised as having a
fleeting and superficial quality. However, the notion of personal freedom in contemporary
Western society appears shallow, with personal agency the victim of pressurised consumer-
ism. The individual, increasingly prone to ontological and existential insecurities to the point
of clinical depression, is directed towards readjustment through positive psychology and
cognitive behavioural therapy (Keyes, 2002; Layard, 2011). In the midst of this, there are
rising perceptions and concerns about alienation and the prevalence of a sense of loneliness
in Western societies. However, the sense of loneliness, like that of happiness, is an elusive
concept, highly subjective and difficult to define and measure. The modern age drives
and accentuates both the reality and the feeling of aloneness through the erosion of tra-
ditional structures of affective support and the psychological demands placed on the indi-
vidual in relation to the self, whereby self-esteem is undermined by externally and artificially
sustained ideals of self-perfection. Thus, consumerist culture taps into neurotic notions of
flawed personhood, the inability to measure up to projected ideals of the good life and
the great person. In the context where idealised or symbolic markers of happiness and alo-
neness are externally generated but never ultimately sated, the individual remains troubled
by a pernicious sense of inauthenticity.

Spiritual and religious perspectives on solitude

Despite an overall decline in numbers, communities of religious people, monks and nuns,
continue to choose a life of social marginalisation, eschewing the activities and amenities
available to the many, and preferring a restricted existence with the few. Thus nuns and
monks, to varying degrees, are expected to renounce the world of family and friendships,
forsake the secular pathways of employment and careers and dedicate their lives to God.
The great empty spaces of desert and wilderness are the sites of spiritual contemplation in
Judeo-Christian history, from the Old Testament prophets, through Christ and the early
 MENTAL HEALTH, RELIGION & CULTURE 3

Christian ascetic contemplatives such as Simon the Stylite, and on to the Desert Fathers
and Irish monks who made their homes on inhospitable islands in the Atlantic Ocean.
Such lives are generally perceived as lonely, and as a renunciation of social contact and
sexual intimacy.
The relationships and obligations within modern societies strongly contrast with those
of traditional societies; the pivotal issue, at least in this discussion, being the quest for self-
identity, a concept absent in pre-modern times, when life-chances were fixed to family,
gender and class, and life transitions were predictably governed by institutional processes.
Although, individualism may not be new to modernity, the idea of self and self-identity
certainly are. With the assistance of contemporary literature on therapy and relationships,
Giddens (1991) extracts some of the dominant themes on self and existential concerns.
Most importantly, he explores self-actualisation and the “pure relationship” and how
these are pursued.
Giddens suggests that in late modernity, the self has to be reflexively made in the midst
of a bewildering range of possibilities and choices. The project of the self, as he terms it, is
sustained by “coherent, yet continuously revised biographical narratives” that are remade
in the wake of traditional structures and fuelled through the absorption and influence of
new ideas, beliefs and goods that emerge with globalisation and the burgeoning facilita-
tive communication technologies. Through this, lifestyle choices can appear bewilderingly
variegated and overwhelming. Importantly, though these choices are commonly associ-
ated with opportunity and thus with affluence, Giddens, perhaps overplaying the role of
agency, suggests that lifestyle may also refer to choices and decisions made under con-
ditions of deprivation. Emerging within these freedoms and choices, he considers the
notion of the “pure relationship” described by him as “prototypical of the new spheres
of personal life” a relationship in which the external criteria against which relationships
are informed and assessed are dissolved. The pure relationship exists, as object and
vehicle, for whatever it is able to deliver in terms of rewards and satisfaction to the indi-
vidual. Similarly, trust is not an artefact of any criteria external to the relationship, such as
kinship and other social relationships and duties. Indeed, it may be inferred from Giddens
that the external is unreliable. Thus, “like self-identity, with which it is closely intertwined,
the pure relationship has to be reflexively controlled over the long term against the back-
ground of external transitions and transformation”. In this way, the pure relationship is pre-
dicated on commitment, itself an element of trust, directed as much to the relationship as
to the person. In the pure relationship, he argues, the pursuit of intimacy, an exclusive and
close emotional engagement, is not driven by the need for protection against an “imper-
sonal universe” but valued in itself as sustainment for trust. However, the pure relationship,
a project of the self, involves a sequestration from significant experiences, a position of
moral deprivation which renders the individual naive and brittle, incapable of dealing
with the harsh realities of the human condition (p. 171). Thus, the search for both self-per-
fection and the perfect relationship is fraught with danger. The need to achieve, or at least
approach and perhaps sustain this kind of modern nirvana, a perfection of self and
relationship, is likely to provoke within the individual an endless cycle of critical self-exam-
ination (reflexivity), change and further self-examination. Within an increasingly fluid exist-
ence of knowledge and technology, striving for perfection requires constant attention.
Even when unattained, the search must continue, threatened with the possibility of a
new form of human loneliness.
4 G. DURÀ-VILÀ AND G. LEAVEY

Monastic life and the perfect relationship

While the concept of the pure relationship is firmly placed by Giddens within modernity, it
has, nevertheless, many similarities with religious women and men within monastic life. If
we replace the term “therapy” with “spiritual exercise” and then consider the degree to
which people in monastic orders pursue the perfect relationship with a divine being, it
is possible to examine the meaning of solitude as a modern, self-imposed state. That is
not to say that solitude is absent within monastic traditions but rather, phenomenologi-
cally, it carries significantly different meaning and feeling.
As with the secular person undergoing therapy or pursuing self-actualisation, the
monks and nuns of this study pursue a constant and ruthless process of self-examination,
though not with a view to self-forgiveness through reflecting on childhood difficulties and
how these may be integrated within a new narrative, the aim of which is rebuilding a
coherent and rewarding sense of identity.

Monks’ and nuns’ search for solitude

Solitude as a subjective concept
Loneliness in Western society is seen as problematic, undesirable and as a source of
intense suffering (Velasco, 1996). We could argue that in broad terms there are two
salient types of loneliness in the developed world. On the one hand, the loneliness of
those who are confined and isolated, whose lack of contact with other human beings
has been imposed on them, as in the case of elderly people who are confined to their
homes because of illness (people who are literally alone). On the other hand, a far more
ubiquitous phenomenon in Western society is that of people who are in contact with
others (they might be married, have families, social and professional networks, etc.) but
still feel lonely due to a lack of intimacy, closeness, true connection, communicative chan-
nels or companionship with those who are around them (people who are not alone but
feel lonely). However, our ethnographic research with contemplative cloistered Catholic
nuns and monks revealed an extraordinary human template of searching for aloneness
that significantly differs from the two previous types described above. The nuns and
monks under study were not leading an eremitic life,1 but rather lived communally, spend-
ing most of their time together: they ate, worked, prayed and had recreation communally.
Therefore, we had a clear absence of the first type of aloneness (the nuns and monks were
not alone). Nevertheless, they voluntarily and actively sought the other type, avoiding inti-
macy and closeness with other members of the community (they strove to be alone out of
their own volition). Although they were not socially isolated and aimed to create a loving
fraternal community, they reflexively avoided special friendships and exclusive
attachments.
There is an increasing awareness of the benefits and virtues of solitude – that in some
aspects echoes the contemplatives’ testimonies – which is reflected in the number of pub-
lications emerging in this area. These authors refer to solitude as a valued inner state rather
than a social arrangement of solitariness, seclusion or separation, highlighting the thera-
peutic and developmental potential of “alonetime” and arguing that social interaction
and withdrawal can be meaningfully combined in one’s life (e.g., Barbour, 2004; Harris,
2017; Parke, 2011; Schaler Buchholz, 1997).
 MENTAL HEALTH, RELIGION & CULTURE 5

The current study

The current paper outlines an ethnographic study of two Spanish monasteries, a male and
a female one, focusing on the nuns’ and monks’ voluntary search for solitude. Through in-
depth interviews and participant-observation, we aimed to explore their pursuit of soli-
tude and how they coped with it. Finally, we were interested in the possibility that a
self-imposed solitude might produce its own sense of well-being.
The study participants were the Catholic contemplative cloistered nuns and monks of
two monasteries in Spain.2 In order to protect the anonymity of the participants, the
names and locations of the monasteries are withheld and pseudonyms are used.
The female monastery consisted of 10 nuns belonging to the Order of Saint Augustine
whose ages ranged from 49 to 76 (mean age of 55); two nuns were South American and
the rest were Spanish nationals. The male monastery was composed of 10 Spanish monks
belonging to the Cistercian Order, whose ages ranged from 35 to 89 (mean age of 64); four
of the monks were also priests.
The nuns and monks came from diverse educational and socio-economic backgrounds.
Two nuns and six monks had university degrees and most of them came from families with
strong Catholic roots. Before feeling called to a religious life, half of the nuns had had boy-
friends, one monk had had a girlfriend and another monk had been married (the latter had
obtained a special dispensation from the Vatican in order to become a monk). Regarding
their levels of seniority, most of them had professed perpetual vows, only two nuns were
novices (a lower level of religious formation) and one monk had temporal vows.3

Methods
The first author (GDV) spent around two weeks in each monastery undertaking a study the
focus of which was to explore religious concepts of sadness and spiritual distress including
their experience of solitude and their ways to cope with it (Durà-Vilà, 2017). GDV con-
ducted individual semi-structured interviews with all the nuns and monks in a private
room of the monastery. They were tape-recorded, transcribed verbatim and lasted an
average of an hour. The interviews were all conducted in Spanish or Catalan without an
interpreter.
Ethical approval to undertake the study was granted by University College London,
Research Ethics Committee. After explaining the project to the Mother Superior and the
Father Prior4 and getting their approval, each nun and monk was asked to give informed
consent.
The transcripts were subject to thematic content analysis by the first author (Coffey &
Atkinson, 1996). Statements or phrases signifying relevant concepts, ideas, behaviours,
beliefs and attitudes from the transcripts were highlighted, and themes were derived
from those statements. Themes drawn from each interview were compared across tran-
scripts to identify recurring themes that were subsequently categorised. The themes
extracted from the data represent the key findings of the study. Regular meetings were
held by the authors prior to and after the interviews as well as during the analysis and
interpretation of the findings.
With regards to the matter under consideration in this paper, the topic guide included
the following questions: (1) How do monks and nuns conceptualise solitude? (2) What
6 G. DURÀ-VILÀ AND G. LEAVEY

motivates a quest for solitude? (3) How might spiritual solitude be differentiated from the
secular conceptualisation of solitude? (4) How is solitude experienced in a monastic
setting? (5) What are the benefits and challenges of solitude in this context?

Solitude: conceptualisation and motivation

Human solitude in order to achieve perfect closeness with God
The monks and nuns tried hard to discipline themselves to endure human solitude, as they
considered it an essential requirement to achieve a more intimate relationship with God.
Solitude was seen as the necessary condition – an unavoidable prerequisite – to achieving
spiritual closeness with God. Therefore, solitude was valued, cherished, sought after and
considered worthwhile, as it brought closer what they longed for most: perfect closeness
with God. They explained that once one had managed to train oneself to endure silence
and aloneness, and had let go of possessive human attachments, an inner space where
God dwelled was found. Therefore, human solitude was interpreted not as leading to iso-
lation, but as a channel to communicate with God, where an “intimate conversation with
God” could be achieved.
When asked about the training they had received, it became apparent that the need for
solitude in order to reach their spiritual goals was embedded in this instruction from the
very beginning, when they were postulants and novices (first stages of religious training).
The Mother Superior, Father Prior and the senior monks and nuns in charge of the training
of new entrants encouraged them to transcend the “barrier of solitude” in order to find in
their inner silence the presence of God.
Besides the training received, their seclusion in a monastery and the vow of celibacy
that they undertook facilitated the sacrifice of human intimacy and the avoidance of
hoarding relationships: they gave up human love, keeping their “hearts undivided”,
making their service to God “unconditional”, “loving him [God] with an exclusive love”
(several participants provided these quotations from Perfectae caritatis, a document
issued by the Second Vatican Council (1967), on the adaptation and renewal of religious
life). Their other two religious vows of obedience and poverty also contributed to mini-
mising material distractions and preoccupations to helping them to focus on their spiri-
tual life.

Spiritually versus secularly motivated solitude

Both the nuns and the monks emphasised that their pursuit of solitude with its separation
from the world in a monastic context was not a selfish, individualistic and self-centred
option, but rather a generous one which benefited others. They explained that by
giving up close human attachments, with their accompanying obligations and expec-
tations, they rendered themselves totally available for serving God and humankind,
giving a living testimony of Christ, praying for the relief of the suffering of others,
helping those who approach them and ultimately contributing to the sanctity of the
church. Conversely, giving up human attachments – such as marriage and parenthood
– for merely secular motivations (e.g., for advancing in one’s professional career)
without having an indisputably clear spiritual goal – as they had – was considered by
them as a selfish option that will inevitably lead to sadness, desolation and regret (for a
comparison of lack of human attachments in a secular and a religious context see Table 1).
 MENTAL HEALTH, RELIGION & CULTURE 7

Table 1. Comparisons made by the monks and nuns between the lack of human intimacy in a secular
context and that motivated by religious reasons in the context of a contemplative vocation.
Lack of human attachments
In a secular context In a religious monastic context
It is perceived as: It is perceived as:
unwanted voluntarily
undesirable worthwhile
problematic cherished
empty filled by God
When sought for secular reasons is: When sought for religious reasons is:
selfish generous, altruistic
self-centred beneficial to others
unproductive fruitful
its accompanying suffering is: its accompanying suffering is:
meaningless meaningful
without a valid reason with a higher reason
It leads to: It leads to:
unhappiness happiness and emotional safety
desolation spiritual wholeness
isolation closeness with God
lack of true connection intimate conversation with God
heightened fear of death alleviation of mortality sorrow

Many predecessors who embraced human solitude achieved union with God
The nuns and monks provided many examples of revered mystics and saints, as well as
admired contemporary members of religious orders, who withdrew from the world,
embracing a life of solitude and silence, and who were thought to have reached a state
of deep union with God. They have left texts full of exhortations to let go of human attach-
ments so as to become closer to God. The examples given went back to the third century
CE with the Desert Fathers,5 including well-known mystics such as Theresa of Jesus and
John of the Cross, or Benedict of Nursia, the founder of the order that the monks belonged
to. They clearly identified with their predecessors, taking them as models to follow and
hoping that through pursuing the same path of solitude and contemplation they too
could reach these levels of spiritual maturity and closeness with God.

The quest for solitude for spiritual growth is shared by other cultures
Brother Terenci expressed great admiration for Thomas Merton (1915–1968), a Trappist
monk and author, as well as a pioneer of interfaith dialogue. Influenced by Merton’s ecu-
menical attitude, Brother Terenci argued that the pursuit of solitude for spiritual growth
was not exclusive to Christian contemplative orders, but that it was shared by other reli-
gions, arguing that people from other cultures also retired from the world to gain spiritual
wholeness. He had much to say about a community of Tibetan Buddhist monks who lived
near him. He organised the first meeting between this Buddhist community and his own,
in his monastery, arguing that it was a shame that, having so many similarities, chief
among which was leading a life of solitude and silence for spiritual purposes, they did
not know each other. Interestingly, he only had the support of two other monks, one of
them being the Father Prior, a fact he explained by saying: “the elderly monks do not
want to hear about ecumenism”. In this meeting he met one of the Great Tibetan
Masters, who was visiting the Buddhist community and with whom he spent some
moments in silence in the monastery’s chapel. Although they could not talk to each
8 G. DURÀ-VILÀ AND G. LEAVEY

other, since they spoke different languages, Brother Terenci talked enthusiastically about
the profound impression that this “incredible man” had on him: “he spends virtually his
whole life in a cave alone and he only comes out very occasionally to lecture”. He
praised his “transparency” and “sanctity”, and talked about the “deep communion” that
he felt with him while praying in the chapel.
Spending time alone in a cave in the mountain was part of the spiritual training that
those who wanted to join the nearby Buddhist community had to undertake. One of
the other “ecumenical monks”, Brother Xavier, had helped disciples of the Buddhist com-
munity, recommending remote caves, as he knew the surrounding mountains very well
(these caves were old Neolithic tombs). He also brought attention to the many common-
alities their spiritual paths shared, such as a pursuit of solitude, a detachment from the
world and the surrender of their will and desires through their vows of celibacy,
poverty and obedience:
They [Buddhist monks] spent a whole week in a cave, alone, with only water, a week of
meditation … it is very hard, because you need to let go, to let go of everything … as you
see we have many similarities with them … we don’t live in a cave, but the finality is very
similar, very similar.

The caves that are here are ancient Neolithic tombs and they have the added symbolism of
being tombs, because when you enter in one of these caves, you are experiencing a kind
of death, your ego has to die.

The experience of solitude

The absence of human intimacy is at times a source of considerable suffering
Nuns and monks were generally candid about acknowledging that the lack of human clo-
seness had brought them considerable suffering, especially when going through difficult
personal times (e.g., religious crises, health problems, aging, etc.) and when having
relationship difficulties with other members of their community (e.g., internal disputes
or disagreeing with their superiors’ decisions).
Although this suffering may be similar to that experienced by lay people, how it is con-
ceptualised and managed is different, and this will be elaborated on further. However, in
order to illustrate just how painful the experience of being alone could be, the example of
Jesus’ suffering and temptation in the desert for 40 days and nights was mentioned by
several informants.6 When doing so, they maintained that if the “Son of God” was troubled
by the deep experience of human absence, how could they avoid it?
The monks and the nuns both voluntarily committed to sexual abstinence through their
vow of celibacy. Interestingly, the monks emphasised that celibacy was a cause of suffer-
ing, while for the nuns it was renouncing maternity that was a sacrifice:
Bother Terenci: “One of the deepest sorrows I have had was precisely triggered by the void
that that celibacy leaves in you, this solitude … ”
Sister Teresa: “We miss having children, they are so cute … every woman wears a baby
inside … ”

The permanence of solitude

Another layer of suffering for these men and women was that the relinquishment of
human closeness, the possibility of ever having an intimate relationship with another
 MENTAL HEALTH, RELIGION & CULTURE 9

human being, was a complete and permanent condition. Taking life-long vows, they
entered their monastic community with the intention of dying there. There is an important
difference in the suffering caused by the lack of human intimacy between secular and
monastic contexts, in that the lonely secular individual may maintain hope of resolving
their situation (e.g., finding a spouse, a close friend, improving an existing relationship,
etc.). It needs to be acknowledged here that some of the suffering depicted may be
caused by their “permanent singleness” owing to their vows of celibacy (the challenges
that accompany their religious vows have been described in depth elsewhere: Durà-
Vilà, 2017).

Coping with solitude

Similarities between nuns and monks
The value of suffering. The interpretation of monks and nuns, and their motivation and
attribution of meaning to the suffering brought by the lack of human closeness, is radically
different from that of the secular individual. For the latter, in general terms, this suffering is
meaningless and unwanted, something to be resolved if possible. But for the contempla-
tive individual, this suffering is interpreted as valuable and necessary, a prerequisite to the
happiness found in a growing intimacy with God.
We wondered if suffering because of feeling humanly lonely would provoke feelings of
guilt; however, this does not appear to be the case. Instead, such suffering was not only
normalised by the participants but also interpreted as a clear signifier that they were on
the right path to a greater love.

‘Sonorous solitude’. Most of the nuns and monks said that the more they experienced the
presence of God in the midst of their solitude and silence, the less ordinary loneliness
intruded and the less they sought comfort from others. Therefore, enduring aloneness
became gradually easier, as they started to experience Theresa of Jesus’ (1991, p. 485)
“alone, with only God”. They explained that although externally they were alone and in
silence, inside they felt “inhabited” and having an “inner conversation” with God; some
of them borrowed John of the Cross’ expression “sonorous solitude”. As Sister Marta
said: “I have never felt alone, he [God] was always there with me, in me, I just had to
make silence inside me and listen and feel his presence”.
Relative to others, Brother Joaquim was an unconventional monk: he had a wife (from
whom he had separated a long time before entering the monastery) and he had lived a life
on the outside as a successful journalist. Before taking the habit he had enjoyed an active
social life: he went to the cinema and the theatre weekly with friends, frequently dining
out, travelling and entertaining his extensive group of friends at home. Given his previous
life, he might have been especially prone to feeling lonely in monastic life, but in fact he
seemed as well adapted to the monastic rhythm as any of the other monks who had been
there most of their lives. He denied suffering because of loneliness, not even greatly
missing his life outside the monastery, arguing that all of those aspects had been filled
by a continuing feeling of God’s presence with him. The monks and nuns referred to
the experience of having a continuing uninterrupted conversation with God, not only
during their prayers but also while doing manual work, as being accompanied in their
solitude.
10 G. DURÀ-VILÀ AND G. LEAVEY

Differences between nuns and monks

Besides the coping strategies common to both nuns and monks detailed above, the fol-
lowing differences were also found (for a comparison of these differences, see Table 2).

The role of the community. A remarkable difference emerged in the way male and female
communities dealt with suffering: while the support from the community played a key role
in alleviating suffering for the nuns, in the case of the monks, suffering was faced alone,
not shared with the community.
When the nuns were asked about how they coped in times of distress, they answered
that they first sought God’s help, which was then followed by their community’s help. The
nuns highlighted the key role that the community played in times of suffering (including
when one suffered due to feeling lonely). They sought comfort from their fellow nuns, and,
in most cases, shared the causes of the suffering. Besides receiving advice, the nuns
recounted instances of physical comfort too, such as being hugged, or having others
keeping vigil with them during the night.
However, within the male monastery the monks did not share their suffering or seek
help from the other monks, but rather bore their sufferings in private. In Brother
Xavier’s words, referring to a painful period he went through: “alone, prostrating myself
in front of the Cross, alone”. Even when they saw that a monk was suffering, they
would pray for him (and “suffer with him”) but not openly address the problem with
him or acknowledge that they had noticed his suffering. It is interesting that several
monks mentioned that when they had been in need of a spiritual director in times of
despair they had sought it outside their monastery. Although four monks were ordained
as priests, several monks chose to have confession with priests not belonging to their

Table 2. Coping strategies to deal with the suffering caused by their pursuit of human solitude:
similarities and differences between monks and nuns.
In common
Interpreting the suffering as worthwhile and beneficial
. for the self:

leading to happiness
emotional safety
spiritual fulfilment
. for others:
through their prayers
through their testimony
Learning to experience God’s presence through:
. contemplation

. establishing an intimate conversation

Reminding themselves of those who achieved their goal of becoming closer to God:
. mystics’ and saints’ narratives

. other monks’ and nuns’ examples

Differences
Monks Nuns
Suffering is faced alone Suffering is shared with the community
Direct contact with guests, offering guidance and help Providing guests with food and accommodation
Loneliness due to celibacy was highlighted as a source of suffering Giving up motherhood as a cause of suffering
 MENTAL HEALTH, RELIGION & CULTURE 11

community. In contrast to the nuns, maintaining privacy within the community was impor-
tant for the monks.
Brother Terenci, the youngest monk in the monastery, offered a contemporary critical
view from within the monastery, the view of a man in his 30s who had received a modern
education, in contrast with the older more “traditionally male” monks (the next youngest
monk was older than Brother Terenci’s father). The lack of emotional sharing and com-
munication amongst the monks upset him. Once, when another monk was distressed,
he felt unable to openly approach him to ask what was wrong, and instead went discreetly
into his cell to give him a hug and words of comfort. He blamed the old-fashioned edu-
cation that men received in the past (“talking about your problems or admitting to be suf-
fering was thought to be a sign of weakness”), “the lack of training in the monasteries
regarding affection and sexuality” and the conservatism of monastery life.

Help offered to people who visit the monastery. Although seeking a life of solitude, both
monasteries were open to people’s visits. The nuns provided meals and accommodation
to individual men and women, as well as to groups who wanted to spend a few days in
their guest house for religious purposes (e.g., religious courses or spiritual retreats). The
guests were not admitted inside the monastery nor did they have direct contact with
the nuns (there was a grille between them).7
In the case of the monks, the level of contact with their visitors was dramatically differ-
ent: they welcomed men (they did not accept women) who wanted to have a monastic
experience of contemplation and meditation with them for a maximum of eight days,
and these men were allowed into the monastery (they did not have a grille) and were
invited to join their prayers and to share all their meals with them (they were allowed
to converse with their guests during mealtimes).8 Furthermore, the monks were available
to meet individually with their guests, to offer help and advice. They described many cases
of distressed people who had been helped by the monks. The cases included men over-
coming addiction to drugs or gambling, those undergoing matrimonial difficulties or an
existential crisis, and those feeling guilt from past misdeeds. The guest book that the
monks proudly kept was full of testimonies to the great service that this community
had provided to those in need. Despite their lack of psychological training, the monks
suggested that they were able to help due to their life of silence and contemplation:
“we work ourselves spiritually to be receptive to others’ suffering”. Thus their spiritual
learning and maturation allowed the monks to listen to people’s problems, letting God
inspire them to guide those who sought their help.

Discussion
The nuns’ and monks’ model of solitude
The quest for solitude and contemplation remains one of several pathways to spiritual
experience, a feature of transcendence in most of the oldest and dominant world religions.
In Christianity, while solitude represents no identifiable theological imperative, Christ’s
period of temptation and suffering in the desert has provided an exemplar or inspirational
eikon to Christians for over two millennia. Moreover, Christ in the wilderness resonates
with a long Judaic tradition in which the word of God is revealed to the holy individual
12 G. DURÀ-VILÀ AND G. LEAVEY

who is generally described as being in a state of isolation, doubt and fear. Similarly, the
Qur’an is revealed to the Prophet Mohammed while he is enduring a period of intense
spiritual agony alone in a cave. Paradoxically of course, religion is communal in its orien-
tation, formed around congregations of believers. Paradoxically too, cloistered religious
people leave behind a community in order to be part of another, albeit smaller
community.
In the Hindu world, sādhus are ascetic wandering monks dedicated to achieving moksa
(liberation), renouncing all material and sexual attachments. Living alone, often as mendi-
cants or in the wilderness, they seek release through meditation and contemplation of
Brahman (the one supreme universal Spirit). The Sanskrit root sādh means to achieve
one’s goal or destination. In Buddhism, attachment is the source of suffering. In the Chris-
tian monastic tradition, similarly to that of the Eastern religions, attachment to the world
and human relationships interferes with the relationship with the divine. Thus, our partici-
pants’ conceptualisation of solitude – as an effective path to deepen one’s relationship
with God – is in keeping with much of the contemplative and mystic tradition, and is advo-
cated by well-established spiritual disciplines and exercises within their Catholic context
(e.g., the spiritual exercises of Ignatius of Loyola, desert experiences and spiritual retreats).
Giving up human intimacy from a religious motivation was regarded by these monks
and nuns as a generous and necessary option contrasting with their negative appraisal
of doing so for secular reasons. Thus, a life of solitude and contemplation will lead to a
state of intimate union with God and in this there seemed to be an inverse relationship
between deepening their relationship with God and human attachment. But at the
heart of this striving there are contradictions that are complex and not easily resolvable.
At times, we see the vestigial shadows of previous lives and ways of coping that rely on
old, gendered frameworks. Thus, males maintain privacy in suffering while the nuns
openly seek the support of their fellow nuns.
To some extent, the nuns’ social way of coping appears dissonant; theirs is a retreat
towards human contact and compassion, while the monks’ choice of facing distress
alone seems more consistent with a pursuit of human solitude. However, the latter’s
responding with apparent indifference to the suffering of their fellow monks appears as
a failing, and may be seen as becoming a project of the self (regardless of the spiritually
idealised way in which they described it). Moreover, while privacy and respect are given as
motivations by the monks for neither seeking nor offering compassion in the midst of suf-
fering, such detachment suggests similarities to old masculine patterns of competitive-
ness, and fear of intimacy and weakness: keeping quiet about one’s distress so as to
avoid the perception of spiritual failing. Moreover, offering to help a fellow monk may
pose a challenge to one’s own vocation and beliefs, opening the possibility of stirring
up inner doubts. Attending to the suffering of those on the outside is safer and also
allows a channel for compassion. Thus, assisting a layman in a suffering triggered by,
for instance, marital or professional difficulties, is sufficiently removed from the monks’
lives to be perceived as threatening.
Along these lines, some findings of a study that interviewed thirty Judeo-Christian
clergy resonate with our own (Proffitt, Cann, Calhoun, & Tedeschi, 2007). This study was
set up to explore how these clergy coped with personal crises. Similarly to the monks in
our study, some clergy were found to be subjected to “social constraint”: a perception
that those around them did not welcome emotional disclosure and the sharing of their
 MENTAL HEALTH, RELIGION & CULTURE 13

personal crisis with them. Clergy – as in the case of our participating monks – are typically
expected to have an unshakable faith, firm religious beliefs and a strong fruitful relation-
ship with God. Another study undertaken outside the monastic context and that con-
ducted in-depth interviews with Catholic parish priests looked at the impact that being
obliged to lead a life of celibacy had on their mental health (Hoenkamp-Bisschops,
1992). The author suggested that several aspects of their celibate vow seemed to lead
to detrimental consequences for their mental health. On the one hand, the irrevocability
of the vow becomes a considerable source of pressure: the decision to remain celibate,
which was taken earlier in their lives, may not make sense anymore decades later. On
the other hand, priests tend to stop themselves from having close – non-sexual – friend-
ships in order to protect their celibate option, thus depriving themselves of an important
source of emotional and psychological well-being. This is of relevance, as research evi-
dence has found associations between well-being and having supportive social relation-
ships when dealing with adversities and stressors (Ryff, Singer, & Palmersheim, 2004,
pp. 90–123); conversely it has also been demonstrated that there is a link between
feeling restrained from sharing one’s life’s crisis with those around you and a greater
struggle to regain well-being (Lepore, Silver, Wortman, & Wayment, 1996).

Does seeking solitude voluntarily in the context of a contemplative life bring

happiness and well-being?
In some cases, the nuns and monks gave convincing testimonies to fulfilment and happi-
ness; in other cases, however, some members spoke of undergoing, to a certain degree,
difficult stressful times, especially triggered by clashes with other members of the commu-
nity, which were impacting on their emotional well-being and quality of life.
Some of the monks’ and nuns’ life choices and beliefs had a positive impact in reducing
stress and fear. Their life option protected them from the disappointments of failed
relationships: most nuns and monks vehemently argued that placing their trust, hopes
and love in God was a much safer option than placing them in a human relationship, as
the other person could betray you or stop loving you. Therefore, giving up having a
partner or a spouse in order to have a relationship with God made them feel less vulner-
able: unlike other men and women, God could never fail them. Those monks and nuns
who had had relationships before entering the monastery talked extensively about how
God’s love surpassed any human love that they had experienced, being much more fulfill-
ing. Religious love was definitely successful when compared to human love, even for those
who had had good positive experiences of human relationships (for a comparison
between secular versus religious love, see table 1 in Durà-Vilà, Dein, Littlewood, &
Leavey, 2010).
In addition, gradually having a more intense and continuous experience of God resulted
in a lack of fear of death. Besides their belief in an after-life, it seemed that experiencing
God in their solitude played a key part in allowing this lack of mortality sorrow. Some nuns
and monks gave convincing testimonies of not being afraid of death, as they had already
experienced the presence of God in their solitude. Moreover, in this state of silence and
solitude, the boundaries between the living and the dead members of the community
were blurred, and the relationships with those who had died were maintained. The
monks and nuns seemed to cope remarkably well with the recent death of members of
14 G. DURÀ-VILÀ AND G. LEAVEY

their communities, especially considering the lack of new entrants and the increase in the
age of their fellow members.9 The deceased nuns and monks were still vividly part of the
community, frequently being referred to in conversations. A very strong connection with
them was maintained after death, both physically (the monks’ graves were in the garden)
and spiritually (members included them in their prayers, asked them for their guidance
and advice, and many monks even attributed the entrance of the two new monks to
“the doings of Brother Pau and Brother Andreu”, the two monks who died not long
before they had joined).

Final comments
In times when loneliness is a growing concern in Western societies, being seen as a source
of fear, distress and desolation, the nuns and monks offer a striking opposing testimony.
They firmly maintain that solitude, “used well”, has the potential to transform their lives for
the better, leading not to isolation, but rather to a state of deeper connection to the divine,
to themselves and to others. In spite of their evident inconsistencies, could the nuns’ and
monks’ attribution of meaning to their aloneness be replicated in religious people outside
a monastic setting? Could other religious people who are suffering due to being alone use
the monks’ and nuns’ coping strategies? At any rate, it could help them to make pro-
ductive sense of their suffering or at least alleviate it, making it more meaningful and
less painful to endure. Apart from this, the monks’ and nuns’ experience of solitude
makes them more resilient to mortality sorrow and better able to endure the void pro-
duced by the death of loved ones.

Notes
1. Monks and nuns of eremitically oriented religious orders (e.g., Carthusian) spend most of their
time on their own, in their cells or individual hermitages, with short periods of communal
prayer daily and weekly.
2. The nuns and monks of the study are contemplative: cloistered, leading a community life
devoted to prayer and work, secluded within the walls of the monastery. Conversely, nuns
and monks who belong to active-life orders work in the world in the service of others.
3. Monks and nuns undertake three religious vows which are understood as the expression of
the complete surrender of their whole person to God. The vow of chastity consists of their
free choice to give up loving and being loved physically. The vow of obedience implies the
sacrifice of making their own decisions about life and being obedient to their Father Prior
or Mother Superior. The vow of poverty means giving up personal possessions and sharing
all goods with the community. They generally undertake the vows in two ceremonies –
simple or temporary profession and solemn or perpetual profession – which take place in
the course of their religious formation. The solemn vows are the ultimate level of commitment
that a monk can undertake, as these vows are not – like the simple vows – of a temporary
nature, but rather a promise to live in the monastery for life (for a detailed description of
the vows from the contemplatives’ perspective see Durà-Vilà [2017]).
4. In communities of less than 12 monks, as it was the case of the male monastery of the study,
the Abbot receives the name of Prior.
5. The Desert Fathers and Mothers were hermit monks and nuns who lived primarily in the
Scetes desert of Egypt around the third century CE. Christian monasticism was modelled on
these desert monastic communities. Anthony the Great (c. 251–356) is the most well-
 MENTAL HEALTH, RELIGION & CULTURE 15

known Desert Father considered the founder of desert monasticism who inspired many
monks and nuns to follow his example (Chryssavgis, 2008).
6. Matthew 4:1-11, Mark 1:12-13, Luke 4:1-13.
7. The grille separates the monastery’s entrance hall from the cloister, to which only the nuns
had access. They talk and exchange objects (e.g., the meals for the guests) through an aper-
ture in it.
8. This was another difference with the nuns: besides having their meals separate from their
guests, the nuns ate in silence (while one of them read from a religious book), and were
only allowed to talk amongst themselves during the two daily recreation slots (lasting half
an hour each).
9. The latest report on the Catholic Church’s global presence, which compiled findings from 2000
to 2008, was released in 2010 by the Vatican Publishing House. Results showed that although
the number of Catholics has risen globally, there has been a constant decline in priests, semi-
narians and non-ordained religious persons within Europe. The number of non-ordained reli-
gious men fell from 55,057 in the year 2000 to 54,641 in 2008, with the strongest decline
taking place in Europe and Oceania. The number of religious women stood at 800,000 in
2000, but had dropped to 740,000 in 2008. In Africa and Asia, however, the number of religious
women increased by 21% and 16% respectively (Catholic News Agency, 2010).

Acknowledgements
We are extremely grateful to the all the monks and nuns that participated in the study for their time,
kindness and generosity. Special thanks to the Mother Superior and the Father Prior for the trust and
support given to our research.

Disclosure statement
No potential conflict of interest was reported by the authors.

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