Comparative

Essay on Two
Dystopian Works

Drafting Process
Instructions for use

IN-CLASS AT HOME
Follow along as we work through Review these slides and strategies
the redrafting process together. as you continue the work begun
Work on a small portion of your in-class
essay at a time Apply the work done in-class to
new sections of your essay

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Essay Structure
Do you want an
ESPRESSO or a CAPPUCCINO?

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TWO THESIS STRUCTURES

These texts have… THEMATIC These texts have… GENRE

similarities, GENRE differences. similarities, THEMATIC
differences.

Work 1 & Work 2 both warn audiences that

Work 1 and Work 2 both use element 1.
[same warning]. Work 1 uses element A to
Work 1 uses this element to warn audiences
focus on [difference] while Work 2 uses
that _[warning A]_ while Work 2 uses these
element B to focus on [difference].
elements to warn audiences that _[warning
B]_.
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TWO ESSAY STRUCTURES

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Self Study Extension: Exemplar Essay
1. Read the Introduction to this essay. What is the student’s thesis statement? Are they
addressing genre or thematic similarities? Genre or thematic differences?

2. Read the points and links. Do they lead with similarities or differences? Why?

3. Read the essay and copy a body paragraph. Make the following notes.
a. Highlight the POINT sentence in yellow.
b. Highlight the EVIDENCE in blue.
c. Highlight any TERM in pink.
d. Highlight the ANALYSIS in green.
e. Highlight any LINK in orange (this includes compare/contrast transition words!).

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Writing the Intro
Hook your reader
Include relevant bibliographic information & context
End with your thesis
“Hook” your reader with your opening sentence:

Your opening sentence should “set the stage” for your argument
and interest your reader.

Consider:
- Asking a question
- Adapting our “statement of inquiry” or essay prompt
- Making a “real world” connection
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Key information to include about each text:

TEXT A TEXT B
Title Title
Author Author
Genre Genre
Publication Date Publication Date
Context (conflict, setting, etc.) Context (conflict, setting, etc.)

Consider using “parallel structure” to introduce your texts.

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The ___[GENRE]____ ___[TITLE]____ by ___[AUTHOR]____ published in ___[DATE]____ presents a
dystopian world in which… [CONTEXT]
Titles, Authors, Genres, Dates
Title Author(s) Genre
Class Novel Fahrenheit 451 Ray Bradbury dystopian fiction novel

TV or Film Black Mirror, season 3, episode 1, Charlie Brooker, Michael Schur, (episode of) dystopian TV series
Rashida Jones
“Nosedive” (2016)
or animated short film
“The Inksect” (2016) Pablo Calvillo

Short Story “There Will Come Soft Rains” (1950) Ray Bradbury dystopian fiction
“Harrison Bergeron” (1961) short story
“The Lottery” (1948) Kurt Vonnegut
Shirley Jackson

Extended 1984 (1948) George Orwell dystopian fiction

English
11 or novel
Animal Farm (1945)
Give readers a brief overview of the focus & texts:
Concepts + Narrative Elements (Characters, Plot, Setting)
▪ Identify the concepts in the
prompt and how the texts
explore them
▪ Give narrative information to
contextualize your argument
(not too much!)
▪ End with your THESIS
statement

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 e
enc
eq u hyperbolic/familiar
co ns
n & extreme/recognizable
llio
r eb e
ci e ty
whe so
&
per
fect n attem ual
io n iv i d
fail pts at i nd
and

THESIS
why

Response to prompt
WARNING/COMMENTARY Argument about text
Promise to reader
13 Umbrella for ideas
Tips for language use:

Titles Names Repetitiveness

Novel “Short Always Capitalized Search for words that you’ve noticed
Story” you use a lot. Consider cutting
Spelled Correctly
repetitiveness, or use nuanced
TV Series “Episode”
Last name of author (after intro) synonyms
Film

book In this quote... / vs.

novel technique We typically avoid using abbreviations in
formal, academic writing
short story moment
this/that = this or that; this and that; this;
screenplay or film dialogue
that
teleplay or TV episode plot point
vs. = versus = in conflict with
14 narrative mode of characterization
Work or text
Organizing the Body
Sequence your body paragraphs logically
Use transition words
Organize each each body ¶ using the PETAL
POINT: make a
claim/argument that
must be defended with
evidence.

Look at your thesis and 2-3 points in order.

- How do your points relate the thesis?
- How do your points relate to one another to build your argument? Will you lead with
similarities or differences? Why?
- Where could you make a comparative claim to tease out similarities or differences 16
between texts?
P-ETA-ETA-L
(PETAL)
A strategy for
remembering what
should go into a body
paragraph of literary
analysis
POINT: make a claim/argument that must be defended with evidence.
Observation Interpretive Claim Evaluative Comparative
Claim Claim
In “The Lottery,” all of the In “The Lottery,” the citizens In “The Lottery,” the most Unlike in 1984, where there is an
citizens must gather once a year are controlled by tradition, as sinister aspect of the tradition organized resistance, “The Lottery”
to hold the lottery. symbolized by the lottery box. is the unquestioning depicts almost total conformity
conformity of the citizens. among the citizens in the town.

The house in “There Will Come Throughout “There Will Come “There Will Come Soft While in “Nosedive,” technology
Soft Rains” is the only one left Soft Rains,” the actions of the Rains” fails as a warning to has figuratively dehumanized the
after a nuclear event that house become a constant change our ways because the characters, in “There Will Come
presumably killed all humans. reminder to the reader of the total absence of humanity Soft Rains,” technology has
total absence of humanity within the story creates a literally destroyed humanity,
within the story. sense of indifference in the leaving the house as the only
reader. remaining character in the story.

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Turn an Observation into an Interpretive, Evaluative, or Comparative Claim (Point).
TERMINOLOGY & ANALYSIS:
use appropriate vocabulary to explain your ideas about the text
SETTING CHARACTER

PLOT
ACTION
CONFLICT
internal or external
Person in conflict with…
- a person
- society
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- nature
- themselves
 TERMINOLOGY & ANALYSIS: Novel/Short Story
use appropriate vocabulary to explain your ideas about the text
Characterization characterizes as | develops | Metaphor Compares X to Y |
exemplifies | exposes | reveals | creates a comparison between | is
compared to |
Juxtaposition compares | contrasts Simile likens X to Y

External Conflict is in conflict with | highlights | Personification Is personified as |

clash between |
Internal Conflict Symbol symbolizes | represents

Setting creates a ____ mood for the Diction (Word Choice) suggests | conveys | implies |
reader |

Foreshadowing foreshadows | hints at Repetition adds to | repeats | emphasizes

Sensory Imagery illustrates | shows | Hyperbole exaggerates | emphasizes

gives detail

THEME implies | suggests | conveys | shows | illustrates | adds to

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TERMINOLOGY & ANALYSIS: TV/Film
use appropriate vocabulary to explain your ideas about the text

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 “
The motif of time throughout the story
reminds the reader of the absence of
humans. The sing-song morning
EXAMPLE, greeting, “Tick-tock, seven o'clock, time
to get up, time to get up” (1), is
TERMINOLOGY, juxtaposed by the “sounds” of
ANALYSIS emptiness” (1). From the exposition of
the story, Bradbury creates a desolate
mood that intensifies over time.

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EXAMPLE: a specific reference to the text
(usually a quote that needs to be blended/integrated into your sentence)

Option 1: Dialogue Option 2: Narration Option 3: Diction

In the morning the house The house begins to make Bradbury uses words like
says, “Seven-nine, breakfast breakfast, including “eight “emptiness” (1), “echoing”
time” (1). This dialogue pieces of perfectly browned (1), “silhouettes” (1), and
helps to establish the house toast, eight eggs sunnyside “silent” (3) to connote the
as a character. up, sixteen slices of bacon, absence of humans in this
two coffees, and two cool dystopian setting.
glasses of milk” (1), which
demonstrates how well it
serves the missing family.

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MLA citation reminder
In this work, Wordsworth states that Romantic poetry is marked by a "spontaneous overflow of powerful
feelings" (263). - If author is mentioned as part of your sentence and the text you’re referring to is clear,
then page number in brackets is fine.

Romantic poetry is characterized by the "spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings" (Wordsworth 263). - If
not, then author and page number in brackets.

For film, the in-text citation should comprise the title and the start/end time of the part you’re referring
to. For example (Nosedive 29:45 - 29:55)

Reminder - all in-text citations and works cited are NOT part of the overall word count!

For the purpose of this assessment, you should really only be citing two sources - the two texts you are writing
about. We want to see your ideas, and the word count is fairly tight!
MLA: Multiple Sources by the Same Author

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Sample Body Paragraph - STRENGTHS/TARGETS?
An element of Brave New World that is presented by Huxley in an exaggerated manner, yet at the same time is familiar,
is the use and different forms of technology. One good example of how technology is used in the society that Huxley depicts is
something called Bokanovsky’s Process. This is a way of making a single fertilised egg yield dozens, or in extreme cases even
multiple thousands, of embryos. When fully developed, these so-called “Bokanovsky Groups” will be genetically identical, or,
as the novel describes: “Standard men and women; in uniform batches.” This is seen to be greatly beneficial to the World State’s
society, as for example the Director states: “Bokanovsky’s Process is one of the major instruments of social stability!”, and also:
“If we could bokanovskify indefinitely the whole problem would be solved.” These quotes signify that their society embraces
stability and sameness, and the usage of the Bokanovsky Process strengthens these ideals and, through the use of technology,
allows the government to apply them to people. This is reminiscent of the cloning and gene altering technology that is being
developed in today’s world, although it is an exaggeration of this, as it utilises some form of clone technology that is technically
unimaginable for us today, yet somehow strangely within reach. So the emphasis on the importance of sameness as well as the
technicalities of Bokanovsky’s process are exaggerated, but the idea of cloning and the very notion of being in a technically
advanced state are familiar to us, and therefore allow us to draw parallels between the society depicted in Brave New World and
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our own society.
Crafting the Conclusion
Keep it short and sweet
Tease out subtle similarities and differences
End with a wise thought - why should we care?
Concluding
Ideas
This should not be a word-for-word
repetition of your intro! Instead, go deeper
in your analysis.
Tease out the subtleties of your comparison
between the texts:
- If they were mostly similar, highlight
a key difference
- If they were mostly different,
highlight a key similarity
Arrive at an answer to the question “So
What?”
→ End with a wise thought :)
 Word Count between 1000-1200
● Add to bottom of essay
TIME TO EDIT! Check your Writing Goal (above Rubric)

Add a creative title!

❏ General Rules Click ‘Submit’ before class!

❏ Color-Code Intro
❏ Color-Code PETAL
❏ Quote blending
❏ In-text citations
❏ Add Works Cited
 EDITING STEP 1:
When Writing About Literature…
★ No personal pronouns: I, you, me, my, we, us… (Except maybe in the hook!)
★ T.A.G. your introduction = Title, Author, Genre
★ Identifying titles (MLA format):
○ “short works” (stories, poems, songs, articles, chapters, etc…) are put in “quotation
marks”
○ long works (books, magazines, movies, plays, etc…) are italicized (if handwriting,
underline)
★ Stick to literary present = simple present tense verbs
★ Write chronologically about the story
★ Don’t acknowledge the essay! (This essay will show..) (In this quote..) (This shows …)
→ Look at your essay, list ANY of these items that pertain to YOU!
 EDITING STEP 2:
COLOR-CODE your Intro!
HOOK in GREY
TEXT 1 summary in PURPLE
LINKs in BLUE
TEXT 2 summary in RED
THESIS in black
● highlight each element of dystopia you will discuss.
● UNDERLINE the warning

Ask yourself:
Do my sentences transition smoothly?
Do I repeat myself?
Do I have any run-on sentences?
Where can I CUT words?
 GOOD INTRODUCTIONS:
EXAMPLE from last year….
When it comes to solving problems, which is better: brains or brawn? While action-movies Hook
may imply we all need superhuman strength to save the day, both Batman and Mrs. Marple, two very
different detectives, show that mysteries can be uncovered in a variety of ways. In the film trailer
“Batman: Hush” by DC Comics, Batman must figure out who the evil mastermind, “Hush” is and
stop him from wreaking havoc in Gotham. Batman is known for his fight scenes and cool TEXT 1
summary
technology, but he is challenged considerably when he has to fight with an enemy that is mentally
one step ahead of him. Like DC Comics, Agatha Christie highlights the importance of using one’s
mind, especially when it comes to scientific knowledge. In her short story “The Blue Geranium,” LINKs
Mrs. Marple takes part in a reasoning challenge when the dinner party discusses the unsolved murder
of Mrs. Pritchard. When hearing of the superstitions behind the murder, Mrs. Marple uses her TEXT 2
knowledge of chemical reactions to solve the case. Ultimately, though their methods of solving the summary
crime are different, both detectives are characterized as the only ones who can bring safety and
justice to their communities. THESIS
 EDITING STEP 3:
CHECK & COLOR-CODE PETAL Paragraphs!
- Did you INDENT your paragraphs?
- Highlight your literary devices
- Highlight your transition words and connective phrases
- CHECK your Citations! Because this is about TWO authors, you
need to add the author’s last name BEFORE the page number.
You do this EVERY TIME!
He boldly states early on, “Do what I say or else”
(Vonnegut 4). His bold, aggressive tone makes
readers wonder …...
quotation mark - parenthesis - name - #
 See example on Slide 9 & 10
OPTIONAL (but encouraged):
1. POINT: Does it match the Dystopian Element and support the thesis?
○ Is your claim PERSUASIVE? Make PURPLE the PERSUASIVE part
■ Did you INDENT your paragraph?

2. EVIDENCE: Are your quotes the BEST evidence? Are they MORE than just plot? Make
text BLUE.
○ DO THEY SUPPORT YOUR CLAIM?
3. EXPLAIN: Highlight your literary terms..
● Did you find devices in most quotes? What effect does the use of this device
(tone, simile etc) have on characterization, conflict, the me or readers? MAKE
THE EFFECT of devices GREEN.
● Highlight your transition words and connective phrases.

4. LINK: Does this further support your thesis / warning? Make the link PINK & Bold the
sections that link to your THESIS.
INTEGRATING & Citing QUOTES:
(Quotes needs to be blended/integrated into your sentence)

Option 1: Dialogue Option 2: Narration Option 3: Diction

In the morning the house The house begins to make Bradbury uses words like
states, “Seven-nine, breakfast breakfast, including “eight “emptiness”, “echoing”,
time” (Bradbury 1). pieces of perfectly browned “silhouettes” (Bradbury 1),
toast, eight eggs sunnyside and “silent” (Bradbury 3) to
up, sixteen slices of bacon, connote the absence of
two coffees, and two cool humans.
glasses of milk” (Bradbury
1), suggesting a meal for a
family of four.

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 In-Text Citations
Remember:
- They DO NOT count towards your word count
- If you cite more than one author, you need to include the
author’s last name EVERY TIME
- Get spacing and and punctuation right
Citing Images
 EDITING STEP 4:
Works Cited
The basic form for a book citation is:
- Works Cited - bolded and centered at
the top of the list Last Name, First Name. Title of Book. City of Publication, Publisher,
- Double spaced
Publication Date.
- Second & subsequent lines of entries *Note: the City of Publication should only be used if the book was published
are distinguished by a hanging before 1900, if the publisher has offices in more than one country, or if the
publisher is unknown in North America.
indent
- Work Cited
NO extra spaces between entries
(an example)
- Alphabetical by last name
Burns, Robert. "Red, Red Rose." 100 Best-Loved Poems, edited by
- If translated, use the format for
translated texts (see next slide…) Philip Smith, Dover, 1995, p. 26.
- Use your NoodleTools! Henley, Patricia. The Hummingbird House. MacMurray, 1999.

Peterson, Nancy J., editor. Toni Morrison: Critical and Theoretical

Approaches. Johns Hopkins UP, 1997.