I scrolled down so far I found a trilobite, so to speak, from 2016.

Transformers: Robots in bondage

i love how 90% of the time, it’s optimus

Thank you for reading the angst!

Based on @cirilee's humanformers

STEVE

Coruna

parents please check your kids' halloween candy. just found heironymus bosch’s garden of earthly delights inside of a peanut butter cup.

yeah don’t hold your gun like that

look, i adore angsty megop, but im such a big fan of people writing it like its the funniest shit ever

Somedays I need sume good old

“Do you really think you can win this war, Megatron?”

“Win? My cause, will win. My Decepticons, will win. Me… I lost the second we ended in opposite sides, Prime.”

But others I’m all up for some

“Decepticons! Do not let Prime’s massive tits intimidate you!”

“Uhhhhh”

“My autobots, we can’t let Megatron’s shiny aft distract us in battle”

“UHHHHH”

besties

Once again, critics are wildly put of touch with what the average moviegoer wants.

none of you are the average moviegoer. I would hesitate to call you normal moviegoers

once again, the Tumblr monsterfucker niche is wildly out of touch with what the average moviegoer wants.

And that's so fucking valid.

We're all in our monsterfucker echo chamber.

Waitwaitwaitno. Are we just casually forgetting that the first Venom made 850 million worldwide, in its theatrical run alone? True, only 200 of that was in the US, but that's still double the budget right there. Are we setting aside that Venom 2 had the largest opening weekend numbers of any movie since the beginning of the pandemic? Are we just going to NOT MENTION that the movie has already made its $110 million budget back? I would like to draw your attention to this quote from Forbes (which described it as a "horror/fantasy/romcom/superhero flick"): "Credit where credit is due, Sony was right to bet on a solo Venom movie. As noted yesterday, audiences liked Venom more than critics, pushing the Tom Hardy/Michelle Williams origin story to $213.5 million domestic and (thanks to a bonkers-huge $269 million in China) $854 million worldwide on a $90 million budget. But even those of us who didn’t entirely endorse the film tipped our hat to Hardy’s bonkers performance and the film’s flirtations with outright camp and metaphorical queer romance amid an otherwise conventional superhero origin story plot. With Hardy co-writing the film with Kelly Marcel, Let There Be Carnage has been (correctly) sold as 95 minutes of “just what you liked about the last movie.” This was a case of a studio learning the right lessons from a blow-out success." This is not a tumblr thing. This is not an echo chamber thing. Sony has just tested monsterfuckers as a viable mainstream demographic target and the results were "Oh my yes." This is not monstercoding. This is not monsterbaiting.

This movie used VENOM at a PRIDE RAVE in its PROMOTIONAL MATERIAL.

This is man and monster and they're both played by Tom Hardy, who turned the first movie into a monsterfucking movie in spite of the director's best efforts. This being put out by a studio that saw the response to first movie, kicked the director out, gave Tom Hardy free reign on the script, and hired fucking GOLLUM to direct. And when I refer to Andy Serkis as Gollum, I am not belittling him, but reminding you that this is a man who understands how to portray monsters, and has, in fact, played several.

This, my fellow denizens, is MAINSTREAM MONSTERFUCKERY, and has already turned a profit in its first week.

Prepare yourself, monsterfuckers. You are about to experience a renaissance of straightforward (or, y'know, prehensile) monsterfucking cinema.

Critics are just people that get paid to have opinions. That doesn’t make their opinions fact. Looking forward to this one.

Are we just forgetting that time a movie where a woman fucks a monster on screen won an Oscar?

@millenniallust4death some good monster fucking news for you :)

@dashconbabyofficial Here's the thing, though.

The Shape of Water was a low budget art film. It's the sort of thing you let directors like Del Toro do because they can do amazing things with low budget, and while they don't always bring in the money, they do lend prestige to the studio. TSoW made 63 million domestic and 195 million including international. Venom 2, on the other hand, brought in 90 million dollars on its first weekend of domestic release during a pandemic. Over the last three weekends, it's brought in 147 million. (And another 44 million from a very small international release. It hasn't hit China yet.) Combined, that's just 4 million short of what TSoW brought in over four months. The Shape of Water convinced Hollywood to keep letting Del Toro make movies. Venom and Venom 2 is teaching Hollywood that monsterfuckers are a demographic.

First Aid, talking about his Wreckers’ fanfiction: i got this new fanfic plot. basically there’s this green triple changer except he’s got huge boobs. i mean some serious honkers. a real set of badonkers. packin some dobonhonkeros. massive dohoonkabhankoloos. big ol’ tonhongerekoogers. what happens next?! transfer soldier shows up with even bigger bonkhonagahoogs. humongous hungolomghononoloughongous and they fuckin battle it out because they all have a crush on the main guy, Early Aid, and then

Since I’ve actually watched Cyberverse now I can do this with more accuracy

Chad and single dad. Makes everyone swoon, manly but not toxic about it. Will take new neighbors freshly baked pies to welcome them to the neighborhood.

Chad passing Incel. You see him and think one date won’t hurt cause he’s handsome but then he starts talking about eugenics so you excuse yourself to the restroom and slip out the window.

Baby boy. Baby. Chick magnet but only for genuine friendship and he will adore and lift them up.

100% pure genuine dumbass Chad. Has no idea why people are being so nice to him or why they keep giving him their phone numbers. Thinks Netflix and Chill just means watching a movie and hanging out.

Lesbian Chad. Respectful, honest, a girl you take back to mom and pop.

Lesbian Chad 2: The Lesbianing. Not the best girl to take to your parents but will be loyal to you and have your back.

Just a wholesome Chad dad that likes science and explosions. Probably thinks Jurassic Park is a good idea. Will take you out to a monster truck rally on a date.

Sapiosexual Incel. “Don’t even look in my direction if you can’t name at least 8000 digits of Pi!” “*Sigh* I’m so alone.”

The scientific term for this specimen is Chadius Dilfosaurus. Definitely thinks Jurassic Park is a good idea but only because he misses his friends. Likes it dino style.

Big Rad Chad Dad. The dilfiest dilf on the block. Grinds on everyone at dance clubs but only cause they want him to. Gets more ass than any other Decepticon but it’s not like he’s keeping track.

These are all so hilarious and I couldn’t stop laughing.

alternate universe where employment is conceived of as polyamorous love between employees

songs about pining for a job with a company you love, songs about being happily employed, songs about the current employees pining for fresh new graduates, songs about being fired (in the tone of songs about being rejected)

magazines about 100 WAYS TO PLEASE YOUR COWORKERS, daytime talkshows watching fascinated the ugly aftermath of dysfunctional companies collapsing, no theoretical distance between “the bachelor” and “the apprentice”

labor law but in the tone of family law, shipping discourse but it’s about who ends up with what collective, mergers as controversial or exotic, child labor taboos… extended

companies collectively raising the children of their employees

Wait how long after All Hail Megatron did the war finally end does anyone know

TWO YEARS

DRIFT WAS WITH THE AUTOBOTS FOR TWO YEARS BEFORE THE WAR ENDED THAT’S IT

Drift was an Autobot for 0.00005% of the war

Returning to this post to say that according to the IDW continuity timeline, Drift left the Decepticons and was Neutral for 10,396 years before becoming an Autobot. Also, Drift never underwent the Rite of the Autobrand - instead his apparently-revokable status as an Autobot is directly tied to the vaguely named “Reintegration Act”, of which he is the sole benefactor. Which is to say he probably cut a deal with the Autobots and whether or not he is actually an Autobot is debatable.

I am so ready for the first of Halloween.

Give a ghost the right pair of shoes and they’ll conquer the world.

Super hot where I am today, so have a summer spook.

Send me pics of your ghost costumes :> 

Why is everyone into dom ghosts…?

They’re single and ready to mingle~

if I ever reblog a long as shit post, it’s this

sorry

notreally

It’s ONLY October 1st and already y’all are reblogging the weird shit!!???

This is the longest set of cursed images I’ve ever seen

i t i s t i m e

i know an engineer-type dude who said fiction bored him, because fiction is mostly-formulaic and tropey, and you can generally guess what’s gonna happen next, and yada yada

so his solution for this problem was… to solely read serial web novels in languages that (1) he did not speak, and (2) for which there was no actual translation, fan or otherwise

apparently, the combined forces of “trying to figure out WTF is going on via the power of Google Translate" + “cultural differences in storytelling conventions” + “the inherent randomness of where the hell amateur authors are gonna take their plots”—those all mashed up to make stories that were unpredictable enough to keep him guessing all the time

then he described to me this totally batshit-sounding Hungarian story he’d been obsessively reading once a week for years

and god i think about him all the time.  like.  that is the most wild way to process fiction that i have ever heard of, but also, i’ve gotta admire the sheer chaos energy of it

like i tried to tell him suspense isn’t about having no fucking clue what’s going on, it’s about having expectations subverted in novel and interesting ways that nonetheless accord with one’s understanding of the story’s universe, etc

and he’s just like “no.  suspense is when i cannot guess what is happening next, full stop.  quantum physics is a suspense novel”

I had the urge to make a gifset of this  I love the movements  Also Bee is so tiny 

@12drakon